Feeling Disenchanted Again…

I know, I get too invested in things. But is what I want really too much to ask?

I want maturity. I want pagan leaders to pay attention to what they are doing, and not be on some fantasy ‘witchy’ trip.

I want people to know their stuff, and not to just have regurgitated stuff they found online.

I want depth. I am sick and fed up with Llewellyn’s 100 some odd superficial books. I know, they have some less superficial ones. Good for them. But seriously? That number is ridiculously low. Come on, people. Let’s debate. Let’s get serious.

I want charity/activism. I’m so bloody fucking sick of ‘schools’ that just teach stuff that is largely based off of UPG. Can’t they give back to community? Host rituals for charity?

Oh, and why don’t they do actual research? Why?

I know, I bitch. But I feel so tired and annoyed. I love the Aquarian Tabernacle Church so far, don’t get me wrong. They feel like an oasis of decency in a plastic garbage heap. What the hell, pagans? Why have we become so commercialized? So self-centered?

And finally, my last bitching point to the universe: why do I want to host a ritual so much? Yeah, this is personal. But I miss leading rituals, for the sense of numinous and community and charity. I miss it so badly, it’s all I can think about these days. I just want to host a ritual, maybe for Samhain or something. But I don’t know how to go about it.

Part of me wants to be a rebel and host one on my own for all the queer and polytheist rebels out there. But then, part of me tells me to save my energy, to not overload myself. That this desire to hold a ritual is selfish, that it’s all going to blow up in my face as my last ritual group did.

I don’t know what to do. Any insight would be greatly appreciated, actually. Part of me feels tired of pagan culture, the nonsense of it all. But this is my religion, my beliefs. Why are the people I should share so much with so… so… I guess the phrase would be ‘not what I want them to be’. But to me, they feel so careless about their beliefs and community, like it’s all just a big party to them. Don’t they realize there are people out there who need help? Don’t they want to help? Why aren’t they serious about their religion and community?

Anyways, whatever. I’m going to brainstorm. I’ve got some ideas coming to me, so yeah, we’ll see what I do.

Much love to you all, take care ❤

News!

So a lot of stuff has happened in the past few days. Namely I’ve been offered a job teaching at an esoteric school, to teach via video conferences, and I’ve discovered and decided to join the Aquarian Tabernacle church and enroll in their seminary program for clergyhood!

So first off, the teaching! The teaching sort of fell from the sky, actually. I contacted someone I knew quite randomly to say hi and boom! They offered me the job (as they run the school). I thought seriously about it, but decided that this would be entirely feasible for lil ol disabled me. So I am in the process of agreeing! Papers need to be signed and sent around, but my mind is made up. I had also done a tarot reading on the subject a few days ago and it seemed entirely favorable! So that’s fun!

In this school I will be making the courses up. I choose the topics, run it past the head, and then once j get the go ahead, I teach that material for a year. Yes, I am fully intending to do a course on mental health. Y’all will be invited, I will share the link here once I do do that course!

But for now the courses i will give will be on slightly easier material, like… magic in history (for which I plan on doing a mega ton of research) or the art of discernment (also research, but less academic).

The courses are unfortunately going to be paid, so I wont be able to give yall free access, but that will pay me and eventually get me financially on my feet (hopefully!).

As far as the Aquarian Tabernacle church goes, I actually found them because they shared my giveaway post! I then investigated them, and was like lo! Behold! A wiccan church that is getting organized and doing stuff like I’d love to do! So I got very excited and contacted them. And wow! They answered! They were nice! So I ended up attending some coffee chats online with them and yeah, I really like them and their mindset. I think their course for clergyhood will be a great growth process for me!

Finally, today was the last day of my birdie giveaway! I am a bit relieved, as it was stressful trying to organize posts and people (many of whom didnt quite do as many posts as I hoped). But hey, it’s a learning process. In a few weeks I’ll do my second giveaway for my ya fiction novel!

But for now, I’m going to close by sharing a nice selfie I took when I put makeup on yesterday for my video calls. I have to say, I do really like the look and enjoy seeing myself with a beard and makeup. It’s very euphoric for me and I feel great! I cant wait for my beard to fill in more!

So for tonight, have a great time lovelies! I love you all and wish you all the best 😊💕

Author’s Update: Life is Good

Life really is good for me right now! My wife’s dog ran away this morning, but came straight away back when my wife called for her (I had to holler for fifteen minutes without results, haha). Things are peaceful and calm, and I love it that way.

But one thing irks me. I haven’t had a single comment on ‘Lage’s Game’ in AGES! I know y’all are reading (and thank you so much for that) but – what are y’all thinking? What does the story make you think of? Do you like it? No? Yes?

Personally, I’m really liking this story. It’s got ‘vibe’ to it. It tingles my spidey-senses. I’m loving the development, the characters, and how fast-paced it is. Granted, now I’m wondering what each of these characters has ‘in play’ and what they want and from whom. I’ll have to keep writing to discover that, I guess, that or (dun dun DUN) brainstorm? Brainstorming is generally pretty useless for me though, haha. I think up all these things and then change my mind the minute I touch the keys. Yep. So yeah, Lage’s Game is going pretty well. I’m working on several other projects on the side as well – one painting project and several other Farfadel books. Several? Oh yes, several, haha.

I’ve also got some lovely feedback from a reader about my latest Farfadel book: that it’s a great middle-grade children’s book. Children’s book? Me? I … never thought of them as children’s books but now that it has been pointed out to me, I guess it really does fit the criteria for one. They’re just a tad bit on the long side for children but hey, whatever.

The giveaways have been going great as well, getting lots of views and comments, but somewhat less than I expected. But! I am determined to focus on the positive! I’m getting really positive feedback, and people seem excited for my books, which is great. I’ve even been told that I should sell my books locally at farmer’s markets and stuff like that. Which, really, whenever I can get my author’s copies in (amazon won’t let me get author copies. I had to order full price to get the ones for the giveaway!), I will definitely check into! Wouldn’t that be exciting? Author parties! Meeting readers! More giveaways! Heheheh. I love giveaways and goodies, does it show?

Anyways, that’s my update for today 🙂 I really hope y’all are doing well and that you’re enjoying my books, whichever way you’re reading them. Much love to you all!

GiveAway Begins!

Hey everyone! The Giveaway for the TwoLoveBirds account is LIVE! What does this mean?

  1. This giveaway is not affiliated with anyone like Facebook, Instagram, or WordPress in anyway.
  2. This giveaway will last until the 23 of July (so a little more than a week), when I will do the draw of the three winners from a hat.
  3. There will be three winners drawn in total across all platforms.
  4. The second and third prizes will be revealed during the week, but the first prize is the children’s pagan activity book that I made!
  5. To enter the Giveaway, you must follow me on some sort of social media, and comment on the giveaway announcement post by tagging three people. So if you are on Facebook, you must tag three people on my Facebook post that announces the giveaway. If you are on WordPress, same thing, but on this post.
  6. I wish you all the best of luck! If you want to see more giveaways from me in the future -> Participate!

A New World~ Lage’s Game: Chapter Eight Part One

By ‘home’, Lage had meant a hut, really. It was just a bulge of twigs and leaves among the snow and trees. I suppose he was trying to be nice, taking me to his home. There, he had said in the brisk walk over, he would make me a good hearty stew.

There was to be no stew.

Before the hut stood several figures. They were conspicuously not made of stone though they stood as still as it. They were alive, and that was to be trouble.

There was one woman, tall with onyx skin like pearls, bearing a white fur cloak and hood that draped to the ground. Beneath, I caught glimpses of a green dress and metal accents. She bore a staff that was sculpted and carved intricately. The way she held her head and stood gave off a sense of royalty.

To her left and right were guards in medieval tunics and cloaks, complete with shields and swords drawn.

Lage muttered something unintelligible under his breath as we stepped from the trees into the small clearing before the hut. Reaching out an arm, he drew me slightly behind himself.

“Lage,” said the woman with the white cloak. Her words were icy.

“Rebella,” said Lage cautiously, tilting his head downwards not so much respectfully as carefully. “What can I do for you?”

Rebella did not answer, her eyes flickering to me then back to Lage.

“There has been some trouble,” said Lage slowly.

Rebella’s lip curled. “As usual. The bonds ought to have been severed centuries ago.” With a nod to her guards she said “Kill the girl.”

“No!” exclaimed Lage, drawing his sword and punting me behind him with a swipe of the leg. I fell over, tumbling into the snow.

“You don’t want to do that!” Lage was saying as I scrambled back up to my feet behind him.

“Oh? I’m certain I do,”said Rebella with a sneer.

“I will tell the Queen, and you – you will suffer the consequences!” Lage barked.

Rebella sneered again, but seemed to reconsider. “Card collectors cause nothing but trouble,” she said to me “And they have no rights here.”

“Unless they are invited by a card bearer,” said Lage. “I invited her! She is a guest between worlds. You cannot deny that! Would you cause a war between worlds for your vanity?”

Rebella moved to the right, so gracefully I was entranced. Her eyes were fixed upon me in utter disdain. “There has been trouble that you know not of,” she said icily. “I think we ought to kill her.”

“Whatever trouble, I doubt it’s her fault! Don’t murder a child!”

There seemed to be a light behind Rebella’s eyes. “Her soul is hardly young.” But she gestured to her soldiers, who had drawn their swords. “Put your swords away.” To Lage she said “The Queen is ill.”

“The crown will not pass to you,” said Lage slowly, wary as he lifted his hand from his sword.

Rebella sneered. “I would not be here if I’d done the poisoning. No, rather,” she reached under her cloak and drew a pouch out from her belt. It was of soft brown leather, but held something clunky and pointed within. She waved it before herself. “Guess.”

Lage made a sort of shrug. “The Tael poisoned an arrow?”

Rebella laughed. “I would not want a card collector dead if so.” Ruefully, she drew the pouch open and drew out a black handgun. Lage gasped. A shudder went down my spine. ‘They’ were here. It had to be. Were they everywhere?

The gun was tossed to the ground between us. Lage jumped back and I flinched. “Be careful with that!” Lage muttered.

“The worlds have been crossed,” Rebella said angrily, glaring at Lage. “Murder has been attempted – on our Queen no less. War must be declared. A line is to be drawn between us, and them. Make your choice, Lage.”

I looked to Lage, then Rebella.

Lage heaved a breath that misted out between us. “They are after the child as well. They murdered her family. She,” he placed a hand on my shoulder. “Is one of us.”

“’Us’?” Rebella asked pointedly. “You think she can join? That I would permit that?”

Lage hesitated. “Her soul is old, like you said,” he started.

Rebella lifted her eyebrows in an angry question.

Lage looked down at me. More hesitation.

“Say it!” barked Rebella.

“She has an ancient soul, is all I’m saying,” said Lage in an obvious fib. A smile played on his face. “What more can I tell you? I think she would be an asset. To you. To this kingdom.”

Rebella’s gaze narrowed. “Who is she? The Fool? The Emperor? Tell me, and I might let her live.”

Lage rolled his eyes. “Not all old souls are known to you. Besides, I-” he hesitated again. Then, shaking his head, he continued. “She is but a child now.”

“I don’t care!” yelled Rebella. “If I want her dead she will be dead!”

Anger surged in me. A tingling came over me and I decided that Rebella, for all her grace and beauty, was my enemy. For all my admiration, I wanted to murder her.

Rebella’s eyes landed on me. “Do you sense that?” she asked. Lage nodded, looking down at me glumly.

“She is an ancient,” murmured Rebella in awe. Greedy awe. Stooping over, she peered even more at me. I wanted to punch her.

“Maybe an Annunaki,” suggested Lage playfully, and I felt he was gambling with something, or goading her on.

“Shut up!” Rebella snapped. “You wouldn’t know them if one punched you in the throat.”

Lage sighed and squeezed my shoulder. “As a matter of fact, I think I have been punched by one-”

“What part of shut up don’t you understand?” barked Rebella, straightening. With a nod, she ordered her guards. “Take the girl. I’ll keep her.” With a sneer to Lage she said “Mine now.”

Lage lifted his hands to his shoulder in a ‘not my problem’ gesture. Then, eyes widening, he stooped over me and, cupping a hand to hide his mouth, whispered in my ear “Don’t tell her you ate my card!”

The next instant, the guards were dragging me away from him. “What did you tell her?” Rebella was shouting, marching up to Lage.

Lage held up his hands to his shoulders. “Not to make you angry. That’s all.”

“You wish,” hissed Rebella before whirling around and marching away into the trees. The guards followed, hauling me along by the arms. I took one look back, and Lage waved miserably at me.

Photo by Ave Calvar Martinez on Pexels.com

Copies are IN!!!

Wow, that was fast! It was four days early! Also delivered by a probably gay man, so bonus points!

Anyways, I’m so so excited! Both books have their flaws that I’m only seeing now, but hey, that’s life right?

So what does this mean? It means I now have to seriously plan out my giveaway rules and launch the whole thing, within the next three days (I gave myself that limit). During that week, I want to keep posting about the book, doing a social media blitz. Which will definitely be taxing and tiring on me, so I need to be cautious about how much I do. But! Its exciting! And fun!

The only downer, really, is that the image quality on the Farfadel novel cover isnt what I hoped for. It’s a bit dull looking. And as for the activity book, there are tiny dots within some of the pictures! Eeek! I never noticed them (probably because my computer screen is dusty) but that’s definitely not up to par for what I hoped. But besides that… they’re everything I dreamed of. They’re almost perfect. So I officially pat myself on the back for that. 😊

Anyways, stay tuned for both giveaways (there will be two!) and general gushing about my novels!

Author Copies!

Guess who just ordered author copies for the giveaway? Me! And it was quite the adventure!

You see, due to covid or some other blasted reason, I wasnt technically able to order author copies. Bevause those seem to go through the states. I had to go through amazon.ca and but them… at full price! Ech! Yuck! Thankfully it was the first time I ever bought something on Amazon (I know, I’m a rare breed) so I had free shipping otherwise this would NOT have been possible!

So this author is so excited! I cant wait!

Also, if you’re excited too and don’t know how to help out… drop a comment! I am gathering folks who want to help me spread the word for the giveaway, and I have goodies in store for anyone who helps out! You will get to participate in the giveaway as well, so you can get double goodies if you win! So drop a comment and I will contact you!

Now I’m going to rest and knit, finally casting off on a complicated sock I’ve been stalling on. I cast it on at the beginning of this pandemic and I’m just finishing the first one tonight!

Have a good night everyone, lots of love to y’all 🥰

The calf portion of the sock!

OMG – An APOLOGY is DUE

Y’all are going to have a good laugh at this one. An apology is really due – I just realized that my ‘contact form’ emails were NOT going to my email but rather, to some other, almost unattainable part of my website. I just tripped upon that spot now, and am not quite sure how to get there again. For real.

So FYI, if you’ve ever sent me an email, I’ve tried and answered people that I’m not actively in other contact with, but sheesh! I’m so so so sorry! I never meant to ignore anyone! I know how crappy it can be to try and get an answer from someone and how shitty it can feel to be ignored, and I never meant to do that to anyone!

So really, to anyone who tried to reach out to me, I’m so so sorry. My apologies.

Seriously, if you want to get ahold of me, email me straight at mdaoust245@gmail.com AND drop a comment on some post. Just say ‘I messaged you’ and I will double check my spam spots and everything and HUNT DOWN that email. Or I will tell you to send it again.

Anyways, I am, again, so sorry.

Aggressive Self Care

Apparently it’s a term my psychiatrist had never heard before. Aggressive self care. But it’s what I’m trying to do, haha.

Lately, I’ve been trying so hard to take care of myself. If it was a technique, or a strategy, it would definitely be called aggressive. Proactive at the very least.

I’m trying to make myself actual food. No cake for lunch kind of deal. I’m trying to drink water. I’m trying to do the five daily prayers as a way to consciously take 5 minute breaks of zen. I’ve even been trying to limit my desserts and only take them when I self care.

So far, it’s been helping. I’m getting back on my feet. Im trying not to push myself too hard to write though, hence my not cranking out so many words lately. Im very sorry for anyone who’s looking for some of the Circlet story. I just cant seem to write it, and Lage’s story is just coming to me easier these days.

I have been working on my children’s activity book too, and am about halfway through it. It’s going to be huge (to me, haha)! Its going to be over 70 pages of activities and colorings to do! All pagan themed! I cant wait to see what you all think of it!

What else has been happening in my life? I’ve been coming to terms with some difficult things, family wise, as well as trying to spend time with my loved ones. Rough things are happening, but we will get through this. I’m really just trying to heal right now.

Also, I’m working on a special birdie project that means so much to me, but it’s a secret so far. At least I dont remember posting about it before, and dont plan to until its finished and I can finalize it. Knowing me itll take quite some time to get it done, but it’s in the works. Good things are coming, yall.

Finally, I want to say thank you to everyone and anyone who has bought my books. I am very touched by all the sales I’ve made, and am considering celebrating them by offering signed books for a price. Would anyone be interested? Or some bookmarks?

I’ve been thinking of holding a contest for my birthday, where I could send out a book to one winner, bookmarks to the second, and something else to the last one. Would anyone be interested in it if it was a writing contest? Or just a “share the page and like” sort of contest? Give me your thoughts! I miss hearing from you all!

I hope you are all very well, and wish you all the best in these hard times ❤

Blaaargh ~ Still not Feeling Well and Children’s Activities Book

So I’ve been trying to write and keep my chin above water. It hasn’t been going well. I saw my social worker recently and that helped, but, yeah, no writing has been happening.

It’s not like I’m in crisis mode, so please dont worry. I’m just… not so well. Everything feels monumentous. I do my basic chores, and feel I have no energy left. I’m easily obsessed with the need to “work” and get “stuff done”, which has left me overworking on a particular project -> that of a pagan childrens activity book.

Now, this book is aimed at kindergarten level children. It will feature a bit of math, some coloring pages, some word puzzles, and more. But absolutely everything will be pagan or nature themed. From the word choices to the pictures, everything is pagan/earth centric.

Now, of course, this book features my very own “twolovebirds” birds as the main characters, featured in almost all the activities and accompanying the children through the book. They will be shown in ritual gear, worshipping, and engaging with nature.

Do I think I’ll make a ton of money selling this book? Fuck no. I doubt it’ll sell at all. Honestly, I’d be shocked if more than 5 copies get sold. But, it’s something I really want to do. I’m insanely proud of every little part of this book, and consider it to be quite an accomplishment. It’s teaching me a lot about formatting and it’s pretty fun, when I’m not obsessing over “getting it done”.

Overall, I really wished I had a bit more of a grip lately. I’ve been dropping in and out of my schedule due to lack of energy. I really wish I was capable of doing some awesome networking/sales pitching for my books. But hey. Not everything is perfect.

A quick sketch/practice!