Hi Everyone!

Wow, it’s been so long.

My life has been up, it’s been down, and now I am proud to say that I’m employed, writing, and feeling the most competent and functional I’ve ever felt in my life. Really, it’s quite nice!

I’ve returned to this blog for a rather odd reason. Someone bought ‘Blue Crow Rising’, the other day off of Amazon from me, and I was like -> What? Someone remembers that story? So I deep-dived off the mental cliff, and returned to that (for me) much beloved story.

Yeah, I really love that story. So much so that I’ve actually started working on reworking book 2 today, prompted by yet another dream. The truth of the matter is that I’ve written out… 4? books to follow that first one, including Chaos’ novel. Chaos’ novel follows in Kyrie’s universe and it all ties in together (I made myself a handy plan to understand it!) somehow. I’ve been brainstorming this series SO MUCH, and yeah, I was really hoping to reboot it some day. Which, apparently, was today.

I do miss sharing what I write live, with an audience to read it. It was fun here, gettign views and feedback on Chaos’ stories. But I don’t think it’s… long term functional? I really do need time and privacy to edit my stories in, and that humbugs me. I like getting reads and views! I like discussing my novels!

Someone had suggested I do comics off of the little bits I write. I tried, on my other blog and it was just too much. Then, being brilliant (sarcasm) I decided to try animating one of my Farfadel novels. Uhmmmm. Yeah, I had to let myself drop that project.

So, today I think I’m just going to rant to you about my writings. Farfadel has hit a wall. I’ve become blocked with the ending of the Dragon Queen Saga/Series. I’ve finished writing the rough draft, and now have to edit those last two novels in the series. Ugh! I don’t want to!

So, being a master evader of tasks, I tried to work on another story that I’m blocked in (It’s a murder mystery!). That swam as well as a rock in my mental pond, so yeah, Kyrie’s tale it was today. Which went really, really, well. I wrote 3,500 words! It was super easy because it’s a rewrite, as I’d already written it out and now I was just redoing the thing for a better point of view and integrating the other information that had previously been other point of views.

Because, you see, I’m thinking of taking Chaos and Charr’s pov’s, and getting rid of them. But as I write this, I feel sad. They are such charming and fun characters!

But having three main characters makes for a hell of a big series. So, as you can see, I’m undecided.

On the one hand, I feel like just chucking all my raw novels onto the internet and letting you minions read it out and have fun with the rawness of it all.

On the other hand I really want the story to have an epic ending (as the raw material is not ended) and I want it to be EPIC. Which requires polishing and editing.

But then (on a third hand) I am really not sure about how to edit this whole mess of a story. I have a new storyline that I have faith in. But like, the point of views? I’m torn. Maybe you can help me sort it out?

Have you read ‘Blue Crow Rising‘? Are you my mystery shopper? How has your mental health been? Give me news!

Kyrie Update on Amazon and Smashwords!

Hey everyone! I’m happy to announce that ‘Blue Crow Rising’ is back up on Amazon and Smashwords (Available HERE on Smashwords, soon to be availableon Amazon), updated with the new character name!

For anyone wondering, Kyrie’s previous name was Kuryo, which is the ancient Korean place-name for Korea. It was the closest written version to the name I’d heard in my dream, but it wasn’t pronounced the same way, so I’ve changed their name to be ‘Kyrie’. Hopefully it will stick!

As for any general news, I woke up this morning with another dream idea for Kyrie’s story! Excited, I sat my bum down and began typing – and it seems that there’s a follow up story to Kyrie’s saga, but before the Chaos series? Hmm.. I’m curious to see where this one will take me!

I’m also hopefully going to do another author video in the next day or so, hopefully today actually, and so we shall see how that goes!

Do stay tuned for weekly updates on Kyrie’s story!

Wishing you all the best ❤

ANOTHER DREAM!!! (SPOILERS)

Lo! Be-holden! Y’all know that when I mention dreams – character lives are about to be fucked up, haha.

And that holds true for this time! For (LO!) I had a dream wherein (drumroll) a certain character woke up in the wrong body. As in someone else’s body. As in – they didn’t die. As in… am I far enough down that the preview won’t show this writing? Becauuuuse -> Kuryo’s story might be making a comeback, y’all!

Now, trust me, no one is more sick of the loop-de-loops of that story than I am. I’m almost ready to just chuck the whole thing from the tip-top most of a tower, but hey. I’m stubborn and I really like Kuryo and Chaos as characters. I keep telling myself (as in, today) that at worst this is all just more rough drafting and * eventually * it will make some sort of sensical thing. I hope. I really, really, hope.

I mean, I really like those characters. It’s just – the story derails from me and I feel like I get lost in the plot. If only I could finish the damned thing, sort it all out, and make it make sense. I’m sure it would be a blast, once it’s properly polished! But, I derail myself.

What happened in the dream? What can we expect? Well, the jist of the dream was ‘Kuryo wakes up in someone else’s body and has to deal with adjusting to that person’s life’. Like, wow. Not too drastic considering his story. But it would mean he wakes up in another of the five Kuryo’s bodies. And does it mean the evil stabber gets his powers? I considered that last night, and it came to me in my sleep that she (the god-slayer/stabber of Kuryo) would appear, and make attempt #2 at the whole murdering thing.

But in the meanwhile, there’d be this whole ‘Kuryo adjusting to his new life’ phase, which I honestly thought could be cute and charming. Or it could be boring. Either way, there’s a new girlfriend involved, university life, and a whole ‘was that real or did I dream that whole thing while I was in a coma?’ thing.

What else has been happening in my writing life? I had an idea the other day (while being unable to sleep) that it could be really fun to write a gay romance, with the main character having schizophrenia. So the next day, I sat down to try and write it. But (LO!) the main character was not schizophrenic but rather had DID (ba-dum-tiss!). Which, if you know about them, they are completely different things. DID is pretty badly seen, so after debating to myself about whether I’d write it or not, I figured ‘what the hell’ and asked around if anyone I knew had DID to help me as a reference. Well. Almost 6? 7? people came forward from various groups I’m in to offer and help. So now I feel like I should write the book, just because these people seem to want it. Or at least they want to help write it. So, I’m going to be trying to write that, which is really daunting, to say the least. A big challenge!

Speaking of challenges (my last point of the day!) I apparently succeeded in my portrayal of an intersex character! I won’t tell you the details, but there is an intersex character in my latest Farfadel novel, and my sensitivity readers LOVED them! They said I aced my representation. SO I’m feeling pretty capable and happy. Honestly, I know portraying an intersex character is not the same as a mental illness/disorder, but it makes me feel like I can manage. It makes me feel powerful, in an author-y sense.

Oh, and (the real, really, final last point) – I have a sort-of manager now! I found a fellow pagan who was willing to help me advertise and market myself slowly, along with some merch to go along with my stories, and so … hopefully there will eventually be a more organized version of me as an author? I probably won’t say too much about this, as it’s rather private, but I am excited to get help organizing myself! And wouldn’t Farfadel merch be great? Imagine the possibilities!

Anyways, that’s that. I really hope y’all have a lovely day/evening ❤ take care y’all!

Author’s Update: Life is Good

Life really is good for me right now! My wife’s dog ran away this morning, but came straight away back when my wife called for her (I had to holler for fifteen minutes without results, haha). Things are peaceful and calm, and I love it that way.

But one thing irks me. I haven’t had a single comment on ‘Lage’s Game’ in AGES! I know y’all are reading (and thank you so much for that) but – what are y’all thinking? What does the story make you think of? Do you like it? No? Yes?

Personally, I’m really liking this story. It’s got ‘vibe’ to it. It tingles my spidey-senses. I’m loving the development, the characters, and how fast-paced it is. Granted, now I’m wondering what each of these characters has ‘in play’ and what they want and from whom. I’ll have to keep writing to discover that, I guess, that or (dun dun DUN) brainstorm? Brainstorming is generally pretty useless for me though, haha. I think up all these things and then change my mind the minute I touch the keys. Yep. So yeah, Lage’s Game is going pretty well. I’m working on several other projects on the side as well – one painting project and several other Farfadel books. Several? Oh yes, several, haha.

I’ve also got some lovely feedback from a reader about my latest Farfadel book: that it’s a great middle-grade children’s book. Children’s book? Me? I … never thought of them as children’s books but now that it has been pointed out to me, I guess it really does fit the criteria for one. They’re just a tad bit on the long side for children but hey, whatever.

The giveaways have been going great as well, getting lots of views and comments, but somewhat less than I expected. But! I am determined to focus on the positive! I’m getting really positive feedback, and people seem excited for my books, which is great. I’ve even been told that I should sell my books locally at farmer’s markets and stuff like that. Which, really, whenever I can get my author’s copies in (amazon won’t let me get author copies. I had to order full price to get the ones for the giveaway!), I will definitely check into! Wouldn’t that be exciting? Author parties! Meeting readers! More giveaways! Heheheh. I love giveaways and goodies, does it show?

Anyways, that’s my update for today 🙂 I really hope y’all are doing well and that you’re enjoying my books, whichever way you’re reading them. Much love to you all!

Escape! ~ Lage’s Game: Chapter Nine, Part Two

I stared at the nearly invisible creature. Of course I wanted to get out. This was a trap question. Of course I wanted out – but what would it cost me? I peered so hard at the creature, trying to think and guess at what it wanted – and then it laughed.

It was a clear, high laugh. Menacing? Cold? It sent chills down my spine.

“I said! Enough!” the guard marched over, banging a thick sword against the bars. “You there!” and he rounded on the last cell, the one with the monster in it.

“Are you talking to me?” the hoarse voice asked. The shape twisted upwards, stretching up, up, up until it was like a tall human, facing the guard. “Do you want to fight?” It was curious, questioning like a child. The hands wrapped around the bars before the guard. But the guard had brought a lamp with him, and I finally saw the creature as he held it aloft.

It was a humanoid shape, wreathed in a large purple cloak with silver-white embellishments shrouding the eyes in a fringe that hung down to the cheekbones. The skin was black like the darkest hue of nighttime, the lips were thin, the nose hooked, and there was a grace to its smile.

“Stand back!” barked the guard, banging at the bars where the creature’s hands had been.

“Oooh,” murmured the creature. “Frightening.”

The guard paled. “Enough!” But he had already lost this battle.

“Shut up,” hissed the creature, turning away from the guard to face me. Beneath the cloak I saw a fluttering of a grey robe, a sash from which hung dozens of braids, and boots. But then the cloak was drawn fast around the creature once more.

It is probably a human, I thought to myself, but I wasn’t sure. Was it?

It crouched again before the bars separating us, its dark hands coiling around the bars. “Who brought you in here, child? Far from your world, aren’t you?”

I didn’t answer, huddling on myself. The guard bellowed again. “Quiet!”

The creature turned to him, then back to me. It was a strangely silent movement. Their fabrics barely rustled. They sat down and crossed their legs before themselves. They must be human.

Breathing a sigh, the guard turned and walked away. With him went the light, and some semblance of safety.

Once the guard was back at the other end, the creature whispered. “I was brought in for murder. But you can trust me. I’m an assassin.”

I wanted to clap my hands over my ears and curl up into myself. I wanted to block out this entire strange world.

“I kill in cold blood. I don’t make them suffer. I’m not like them,” he whispered.

My senses prickled. Them? Did he know- he couldn’t, could he?

I found myself turning to look at the creature. His tilted eyes were glowing faintly, just enough to be discernible. He had a hand reached out for me, palm up.

“Come with me,” he whispered. “I can see who you are. I can tell-” and his voice dropped to barely a whisper. “What you’ve eaten.”

My breath caught. The creature chuckled. “Yes,” he murmured, coaxing me on. “Come with me, child. You won’t be safe here once they bring you to the priestesses. What they will do to you – even I wouldn’t.”

I shuddered. Now that I was looking, I couldn’t take my eyes away from theirs.

The hand drew back, and I felt that they were satisfied. “Tomorrow, no- tonight. Soon. Brace yourself, child. Rest. We will be free soon.”

I looked away then, feeling caught and guilty. Would I run with them? Was this some trap? It couldn’t be – I hadn’t given them anything! And I could still change my mind, couldn’t? Besides, how could they get me out of here?

I found myself curling up on myself, my head between my knees. As if following orders, I fell asleep fitfully.

I dreamed of Lage. I dreamed of Mother, of Father, of Kayla and her final bottle smash. It was terrible.

I woke screaming, to find the air silent and cold. There was a crispness to the air that smelt of the outside.

I looked around, wondering where I was. For a moment I was completely lost, baffled, and it wasn’t helped by what I saw.

To my right, where the creature’s cell was, a silver light was glowing. It expanded, radiating out with a breath of coolness and frost out into the cells. Then it swept back in, shrinking somewhat. It was someone’s breath, I realized. The creature’s breath, their form hidden as a shadow behind this glowing frost.

I slunk backwards, looking around for some sense of normalcy. No one was coming. No one seemed to even notice that something strange was happening.

For what felt like an eternity, I sat there with my arms around my knees. I reached out within myself, pleading with the world for help, for something.

With my head burrowed between my knees, I was jolted from my thoughts by the creature shouting. “Guard! Guard! Come quick! The girl is dead!”

I jolted up, lifting my head and looking around. The creature was standing by the bars, their glowing breath now gone. There was the sound of cursing and feet running. The guard rushed into view, lamp in hand and keys in the other.

I just sat there, frozen. Wondering what was happening, even as it unfolded before me.

It was a trap. The guard rushed up against the bars of my cell, and the creature reached out through his and yanked the guard close. In one yelp and a snap, the guard was over. The keys were now jangling in dark hands, the lamp smashing to the floor.

The silence that followed was punctuated only by the hammering of my heart in my ears. Then, the door grating open. The flames licked at the oil on the floor, lighting up the creature as he stepped out. He was a ghastly shape, tall and strange as he stepped over the fire to unlock my door.

“Come,” he said sweetly. Then he turned and walked away.

I had a choice. I could sit in this cell, or move. I moved. I didn’t know what the princesses had in store for me, but neither did I know what this creature wanted. At least with the creature, I could hopefully still run away. Find my way back to Lage, then go home. But what home was there to go back to?

I shoved that question aside as I stepped over the smoldering flames and beside the dead guard. I was going home. That was that.

As I made my way down the corridor, the creature was unlocking some doors, ignoring others. Then, as if to spite everyone, he tossed the keys into the far corner of an already locked cell that held only a skeleton.

Prisoners were rushing out, pouring and stumbling towards the stairs that led away and up. The creature turned to me. He flashed a smile of immaculate white teeth.

“Here,” he drew a cloak from the guards’ chair. “Put this on.”

Remembering the biting cold of outdoors, I did, wrapping it clumsily around my shoulders. He nodded, and we turned and ran after the vanishing prisoners.

Yeah! So Excited!

Wow! I’m so excited for Lage’s Game! Y’all, I had no idea that the little bit of story I had in my mind would take so long to lay out, but here we are. I’m immensely pleased with the tone of the story and how it ‘feels’, at least when I read it. I like the suspense, the way it’s laying itself out.

Circlet School is somewhat stumping me right now. I feel a little uninspired for it, and am not sure why. I just feel like I have nothing to write about it, like I’m in a lull or ’empty spot’ in the story. Which is ridiculous, as the students are about to arrive and we all know that’s going to mean more shenanigans.

Also, Ramadan is over. Which makes me sad. I felt ‘ultra-spiritual’ and got in tune with the great cosmic being (god or whatever you want to call it) so much thanks to an online queer masjid I joined and doing the daily prayers with them. And now… it feels strangely empty. I don’t know… it’s weird.

Also, shoutout to my awesome mom for helping me get organized in my writing stuff. She phoned me for over an hour, talking me through all my various projects and helping me make a 40 hour work week, complete with social media time and when to write and when to record my audiobooks! Yeah! So if I suddenly seem to be posting and doing stuff more regularly, you know why, haha.

Anyways, I hope y’all have a lovely week and really enjoy today’s installation in Lage’s Game! I really enjoyed writing it!

Much love, y’all.

It Writes Again!!!

I am so happy to have been able to bring you all some more Chaos & Kuryo, y’all! I was so worried last night that I wouldn’t be able to write this story anytime soon! And yet, today was an excellent writing day!

Not only did I write in Chaos & Kuryo, but I also wrote over a thousand words in Ranger’s story, and almost two thousand in … a new story! That Beauty and the Beast retelling? I finally was able to start it!

Ahhh, yessss. Today is a victory day. I’m just so happy!

What caused this burst in productivity? I think it’s because I relaxed a lot today. me and the wifey watched two episodes of the Witcher (so much TV for us!). It was raining and snowing here today, so it was a quiet and chill day.

Anyways, that’s my update! I hope you and yours are all safe and happy. I wish you all the best ❤

“My Name is Chaos”; Chapter Sixteen Part Two

When I came to, I was tied to a chair. FoxFace was before me, arms crossed and a very sour look on her face. I felt groggy and sluggish.

“Feeling better?” FoxFace asked sharply, marching over to my side.

I eyed her, unable to really move my head. I was exhausted. But still, she irritated me. “No,” I mumbled. “Can I have some painkillers?”

Crack! She punched me across the face. Hard! It stung! My head snapped to the side and pain split across the side of my head.

“Really?” she asked sharply. “Does that feel better?”

I spluttered, head hanging back down. I blinked but couldn’t shake the pain. “No,” my voice cracked. My lips were dry.

“Listen to me, you little shit,” she snapped, hauling my head up by my hair. It hurt! But I was too limp to do anything about it.

For a blissful moment I almost laughed, knowing that Bella wouldn’t like me being treated in such a way. She was possessive, she would react and punish.

But she didn’t. Instead of a surge of possessive anger I felt an emptiness within myself. No more Bella.

Like a whipcrack it struck me. Bella was gone. She’d left me.

FoxFace was saying something, but I wasn’t hearing her. “Where’s Bella?” I blurted, completely interrupting her.

“What do you mean?” she snapped. I managed to focus on her burning eyes.

“Bella,” I spluttered. “Where is she?” I felt near tears. She’d abandoned me?

No smile from FoxFace. “Not here,” she snapped. “What, did you expect to find her?”

I searched her face, hoping to see some clue, something that I was missing. What had happened? I’d found the bones. I’d let Bella use me, send her magic out. She should have returned. We should be together right now. Unless… no, she wouldn’t. She cared about me. She wouldn’t just leave me behind.

Not like this.

I was snapped to by FoxFace glaring at me – and talking. It was more the tone of her voice, honestly. It was somehow sympathetic. “You found Bella. Don’t you remember what you did?”

I felt like crying. Blinking rapidly, I cast my eyes around, not really noticing what I was looking at. Anywhere but at FoxFace.

“What happened?” asked FoxFace staunchly.

I gulped. Where was Bella? She mustn’t have just abandoned me without a reason. There must have been a reason.

Shaking my head, I tried to sort my thoughts out. Focus on the now. FoxFace was standing before me, hands on her hips.

I collected myself somewhat. “I don’t remember,” I fibbed. “I just sort of – something happened. When Leo was talking and -” something clicked in my mind. “Why are you still alive?”

“What makes you think I should be dead?” she asked wryly. “If you don’t remember anything, that is.”

I balked. Stupid, stupid, me.

FoxFace smiled wryly. “If you’d stop lying, don’t you think this could go easier?”

“Really?” I snapped. “You think life gets better with honesty?” It sure as hell didn’t! I’d heard enough life stories to-

“No,” FoxFace said calmly. “I think it gets easier if you know when to make friends and when to make enemies.”

I paused. “You’re not my friend.”

She stooped to look me square in the eye. “I’m not your enemy, either. Don’t make one of me.”

“You’re not?” I sneered. “I seem to remember things differently.”

FoxFace grinned slyly. “Really?” She smirked. “If I were you, I’d rethink that statement, Chaos. You don’t want to be my enemy. Now-”

I spat in her face. On second thought, not the smartest thing to do, considering I was cuffed to the chair and still in head-splitting pain from the last punch.

FoxFace wiped her face on her sleeve. There was a rabid look to her eyes now, and I expected another punch. Instead she was just grinning. “Alright,” she hummed. “That’s the way this is. Well, that leaves me a clear conscience.”

“For what?” I snapped, all bravado and secretly wondering what the hell she had up her sleeve.

But, grin still in place, she didn’t answer. “Sweet dreams, Chaos,” was all she said as she produced another syringe from a nearby table.

“Hey! What’s that?” I fairly yelled, trying to shimmy away from the thing. It was pointless, as she poked it in me without second thought. When she drew it out, empty, my arm was tingling.

FoxFace waved at me. “Bye, bye,” she said way too happily.

Then the world grew dark. But in this darkness was pain, incredible pain. I had the distinct feeling that I was dissolving, being torn apart, and that I was traveling. Returning to the astral plane – yet I didn’t want to go there. Desperately, I wanted Bella. I knew I had to find her, help her, and be by her side.

 

I woke in a field of snow, crashing into it and the icy cold on my hands and face like a harsh bite. I floundered, struggling to my feet, blinded by light and stinging all over in residual pain as I felt myself finish putting itself back together.

For a moment all I did was flail and try to stay standing in the knee- deep snow. Then, as the pain oozed away and my eyes adjusted – I saw that I was standing exactly where Bella and I had once stood together. The view here was beautiful. The rolling fields, the farmhouses – it was all still as it had once been.

A gaping ache opened up like a wound within me. I wanted Bella like an addict wanted their fix – and for a split second I wondered whether I really wanted her, or whether it was that strange sensation of being with her that I wanted. Was it the euphoria, or love?

I shook my head, dismissing that as stupid. At this point, I figured it was probably a bit of both. No – a lot of both. I really needed Bella, and I really –

“Chaos?” a sweet voice said from beside me. I whirled, and there she was, like a mirage.

“Bella?” I grabbed her with both hands, seizing her by the shoulders. She was real! She was solid! I flung my arms around her, squeezing her in the tightest hug I could manage. She was laughing.

“Chaos? How did you get here? What are you doing?” And she pushed back, forcing me a step away from her. I didn’t care, I was filling up with her presence, feelign a strange euphoria at her presence. I just wanted to sink to my knees in the snow, as if it was the only right thing I could do in her presence.

I found myself babbling as this went through my mind. I was pawing at her hands that held me at arms’ length. “I was looking for you – they captured me – you were gone – and now you’re here – ,”

Bella chuckled. “You’re my absolute best,” she murmured, and I felt like she meant it, meant every word and meaning of it. My heart felt like it was going to explode from joy.

She finally drew me in for a slow, purposeful kiss. I wanted to cry from relief. The feel of her was a balm to my wounds – and then she drew back.

“Come with me,” she said sternly. “We can’t stay here, the humans have control of this area.”

“They do?” I asked, mind flubbering around. Of course, they had invaded. Bella had no more land – or did she?

Bella dissolved away before my eyes, her grip still firmly on my arms. When her hands went to dissolve, I began to follow.

This traveling was painless, easy, and fluid. One minute we were in the bitter snow, the next we were slowly reappearing in Bella’s living room. The same one as before, with several vampires still in it.

“I went to investigate the portal,” Bella was drawling as I finished taking full form. “And look who I found.”

There was a murmur of approval from the vampires. A glimmer of jealousy? They didn’t seem fully pleased to see me.

But Bella either didn’t care or didn’t notice. Within moments I was seated in someone else’s spot and Bella had resumed her chair. Swiftly, I was given the summary of the situation. The vampires had retained power over the city, and only the city. The humans who lived within were the reason why – the rest of Canada wasn’t sure how to control a raving bunch of awe-inspired people who insisted Bella was their god and wanted to be left alone. For now, they were being starved out in the dead of winter. The humans, in their devotion to Bella, were simply staying put and starving.

“There are many who have been taken into captivity. Those who lived outside of the city,” said one vampire angrily. “We must rescue them.” And due to the emotion in her voice – did she actually care about these humans? “They are our brothers and sisters!” she said dramatically.

“Yes, yes, all in due time,” muttered Bella, eyes staring off into the distance beyond everyone.

The vampires did not seem pleased. “There are many more who have been made captives in the earth realm, taken away,” grumbled another vampire. “We must rescue them as well.”

A smile lit up Bella’s face. “I think I know what we’re going to do next,” she said with the cheer of someone on a bright new idea.

“But the rescue missions?” whimpered the vampire who was so emotional about it all.

Bella waved her hand in dismissal. “I’m going to challenge the sky god to a duel.”

My jaw fell. She said it so lightly, so easily – but did she know what she was doing?

Tes-Tos-Te-RONE!!!

I just wanted to post a little update for y’all here that’s a little personal. As some of you know, I have begun taking testosterone as part of my transition from perceivable female to male (ftm).

Now, just so you know, it’s only been a week. But, building up to this I was haunted by relatives who were worried that my mental health would fall apart, that I would regret my decision, and that it would basically give me cancer. Even my psychiatrist was worried I would get mood swings, and all online sources pointed towards this.

Well, I guess I’m the exception. For this week has just been amazing! Every day has been a good day! I’ve woken up energized, exercised for five days straight in a row, read favourite books, and started watching my food intake. Short story: I feel great mentally.

From the day of, my mental health has improved drastically. I’ve been energized about life, enthusiastic, had better bounce-back (recuperation time?) from my anxious episodes, and overall feel great! I’ve even started playing guitar again!

I like to think that this is because my body was missing out on testosterone, knowing that it needed it all these years and now that I have it things are finally getting recalibrated properly!

On the other hand, I think it’s also totally possible that its purely psychological, and that I am subconsciously just this excited to be finally emerging as my true self.

The point it: it’s positive! And I know I may totally be the exception in that I’ve had no mood swings or negative results yet, but I couldn’t be happier.