OMG! Another Story Idea?!

I bet you that I’ve already made a post with almost exactly that same title before. I betcha that I’ll keep having posts with this title for a long time (and I hope I will).

For Lo and Be-Hold! I had a dream last night (don’t we all know where this is going…) and I woke up thinking (as usual) ‘damn! That’d make a cool story!’.

Now, what’s different about this one is that 1) it actually had a beginning laid out for me and 2) it wrote up super easy.

Hold up! Does that mean I finished a short story? No such luck, haha!

What I mean is that I wrote up the beginning of it. Oh, say, almost two pages of writing. It wrote up SUPER easy, y’all. Suspiciously so. I’m sort of giving this story the sideways eye, y’all. It’s interesting (to me) and it seems like it could be fun/captivating.

Now here’s the problem, and where I need your help! You see, this story is unusually dark for me. There are many things about it that I am unsure of, so I’d really, really, really appreciate some feedback on it. I’m both interested in writing it up to see where it goes, but also unsure if I do want to sink so much time into a new story and venture (don’t I already have enough to write?!).

So read if Here! Let me know what you think and I’ll… give you a cookie? Haha, thanks so much!

Welcome to Circlet School ~ Chapter Four Part Two

“Next,” Sapphire nodded to the security guard, who was at my other side.

“Well,” he said, leaning back and puffing himself up. “I did say that a fire extinguisher should have been nearby, and I’m going to repeat that. And I think it’s a downright bad sign for an altar to go up in flames-”

And I just tuned it out after that. He wheedled on and on, saying how safety should always come first and not actually sounding sad or thoughtful at all. After five minutes, he finished with “yeah, safety.” And then he smiled as if he’d actually said something.

Next was the phys ed teacher, Maria. “You know, I’ve got native ancestry,” she said boldly. “Not sure from which tribe, but definitely in there somewhere, way back where.”

Always a good start to anything. Claim ancestry to back up your claim.

“I think it was the shell that did it,” Maria continued. “You’re not supposed to burn it in a shell. It’s offensive. I think there’s a connection there between burning offensively and your shrine catching on fire.”

“But it was white sage!” Amethyst declared, as offended as could be. “It would have purified-”

“Not your turn to talk,” muttered Sapphire, still writing.

“It can’t be that!” finished Amethyst, crossing her arms over her heaving bosom.

Maria held up her hands. “Just taking a native’s perspective on it.”

“This was a residential school,” said Sapphire cautiously. “Perhaps we need to be extra cautious to be respectful of native traditions. There has been enough harm to them committed on this land.”

Maria nodded righteously, but Amethyst burst up. “But it was not disrespectful!”

“Sit down. Next,” demanded Sapphire.

Amethyst thumped down, face crinkling with restrained tears.

Bjorn was next. He mumbled that it was ‘quite the fire’ and that he ‘wasn’t sure what to make of it’, which was all lies. Except for it being a big fire. That it had been. But not having an opinion? Despite his big beaming smile at the end, the guy was obviously just not wanting to tread on toes.

After Bjorn was Crystal, who went on a similarly cautious walk-around of the issue. Then there was – MoonRaven, our nurse.

“I think it shows a deep disturbance in the psyche of this place,” she said with a nod. “Definitely wouldn’t be surprised if there’s some native burial grounds here or something.”

“Children were sometimes buried on the residential school lands,” said Sapphire with a nod, scribbling away.

Great! So now it was official-ish! We were on a native burial ground. Just perfect.

I barely heard the thoughts of Ivy, Sapphire’s secretary, but Paulette drew herself up with gumption. “I think we didn’t exercise perfect caution, and it bit us in the butt,” she said defiantly.

Amethyst looked away angrily.

“We are all to blame in some part,” she went on to say. “But good ritual is like math. I know math, and so ritual,” she paused “I think I second what Thunder said. It didn’t quite go right. We ought to look inside instead of just outside. What did we do that made them, the spirits, want to set our stuff on fire?”

Not just ‘our’ stuff, but Amethysts’ stuff specifically, I noted silently to myself.

Then, it was Amethyst.

Sapphire designated her with a hand, and the entire table held its breath. Probably, even the wood of this table literally stopped being porous for a minute. That’s how the energy was in the air right then.

Amethyst stood up, clearing her throat. Pen still scribbling, Sapphire said “You can sit down,” in a very flat voice.

Amethyst sat down with a face. Sapphire completely ignored it, still jotting down stuff. Then she looked up, just to see the whole table holding its breath and amethyst staring angrily at Sapphire.

Sapphire straightened, shaking out her hand. “It’s your turn to talk. So talk.” Let us have it, she seemed to say. I braced myself mentally, deciding that I would keep in mind that Amethyst was a … fully fledged adult who ought to be in control of her emotions? Eh, oh well. Good luck to us all.

Amethyst sucked in a breath, then said with a broken voice damp with tears “I can’t believe you all have been attacking me!”

Sapphire kept a very neutral face, but she wasn’t writing this down.

“I, held that ritual,” Amethyst was breathing in heaves and starts. “Out of the goodness of my heart!”

“We weren’t questioning that,” started Paulette, only to be interrupted by Sapphire.

“Not your turn,” Sapphire said flatly, still not writing anythign down.

“I, do NOT see the point of all these ad hominem attacks!” Amethyst wailed, tears beginning to stream down her face.

“They were not ad hominem attacks,” said Sapphire matter of factly, clasping her hands over her notepad.

Amethyst wasn’t listening, gulping and sobbing. “I did my best! And you,” here she looked directly at me “Attacked me! After my shrine burned! And you!” she glared at Sapphire. “you brought us all to this evil infested place!”

Sapphire raised just one eyebrow in a very unimpressed way. It was sexy as hell. But now was not the moment to dissolve into a pile of goo at her feet.

“I can’t imagine the sorts of trauma that the children who come here will have to endure!” she wailed. “This place is dangerous! Haunted! And you,” she looked around the table “Will blame them for their own problems!”

Amethyst rose up to her feet, glaring Sapphire down. “I can’t believe this place! I can’t believe you!” she shrieked at Sapphire. “I am a high priestess! I know how to do ritual! And you are all doubting me-”

“Actually, it is because you are a high priestess that we are holding you responsible for the results of your ritual,” said Sapphire tartly. “You led a ritual that, according to some of us, may have been poorly done. Surely if you weren’t powerful your mistakes wouldn’t have had such a catastrophic result.”

Was she- trying to compliment Amethyst? Was she? Was it working? Amethyst was standing there, mouth ajar.

Sapphire looked down at her paper, tapping her notes with her pen. “Your ritual’s result was dangerous, and seems to have greatly upset you. However, it is not an attack against your personality or powers or will. I think everyone here will agree that you did it out of goodness and concern. We all appreciate your presence, I am also sure. I think that, what I have mainly heard around this table, is that your ritual’s disaster was caused both by your own accident as well as the spirits of this land. The spirit’s actions are not your fault.”

Amethyst sniffled. Sapphire pressed on. “No one here wants to attack you.”

With a sob, Amethyst plunked back down onto the bench. It squeaked loudly, or was that her?

“We are all worried,” Sapphire insisted. “The way the ritual ended was a powerful sign. I think what we need is to work together to solve this issue, instead of letting it divide us.”

Amethyst nodded with another squeak. She held out her arms for a hug from Sapphire. Sapphire cleared her throat. “I uh, not the hugging type but uh?”

“Group hug!” declared Crystal, lurching up from her spot.

Oh, good Goddess. Cries of ‘Group hug!’ went up, and the table mobilized itself. Like a swarm with Amethyst as the wounded bee, everyone rushed to coagulate around her.

I sat there, me and Sapphire exchanging a look while everyone else patted Amethyst and exchanged body warmth. I shrugged. “Not a hugger,” I said. Sapphire nodded, smiling awkwardly at this display.

After a few moments of hugging and patting and laughing through tears (in Amethyst’s case) everyone took their places again.

“Alright, we have one more person to hear from, then we brainstorm solutions,” said Sapphire before handing ‘the floor’ to the woman sitting at her right.

The woman, who I recognized as the detention teacher, merely shrugged. “I think it’s all been said,” she said warm-heartedly. “I really hope we can find a working solution, and make sure that this place will have good luck and protection going on.”

Everyone nodded and hummed appreciatively at that.

“Alright, good,” Sapphire said with determination. Flipping through her notebook, she drew a packet of cue cards from the back and set them before herself. “We are now going to try and find solutions.”

Everyone leaned forward eagerly.

Once again, the air was full of suspense. Possibilities! Endless opportunities!

“So,” Sapphire flipped through her notes. “It seems like we need to fix whatever it was that caused the upset. Maybe a ‘we’re sorry’ sort of ritual, to pacify the spirits?”

There were hums and haws around the table. I nodded vigorously. Sapphire wrote in large ‘we’re sorry’ on a cue card and set that before herself. Then she took another and, while talking, wrote ‘banish’ on it. “We could banish all negativity-”

And that, that’s where it went screwy, if you ask me.

“That’s what we need!” declared Amethyst, gasping in awe at her own revelation. “A banisher!”

“M-hmm,” said Sapphire, “we can-”

“No, we bring in a real expert!” exclaimed Amethyst.

Sapphire just looked at her, shoulders heaving in a sigh.

Amethyst waved her hands as if ushering us all to lean in and share this secret. Except she was now talking super loud and fast. “I know a lady! A real witch! And I mean- she teaches!”

Uh, okay? You’re saying that to a room full of teachers, but okay?

“M-hmm?” Sapphire set down her pen, face completely nonplussed.

“We can have her come and – we don’t even need to tell her what we think! She will just,” Amethyst swept her arm sideways as if clearing the table to spite the floor. “Everything! Clean it all! She’s intuitive!

“Oh, that could be nice!” chirped in Crystal.

Aurora nodded.

“A real expert!” claimed Amethyst. “And she’s cheap! Only a hundred an hour!”

“A hundred an hour?” asked Sapphire tartly.

“Oh yes!” said Amethyst. “That’s cheap!”

I … wasn’t so sure. Neither were several others. And yet – Amethyst was passionately ranting on, declaring this woman a ‘friend in the Goddess’ and a ‘good, strong soul’ and a ‘really skilled banisher’!

“It won’t hurt to try,” suggested Bjorn.

Sapphire raised her eyebrows.

“I will message her!” Amethyst began rifling in her bosom and pockets. “If she’s available, we must have her come before the children get here-”

“If we decide to call upon her,” said Sapphire tartly.

“I think it’s worth a shot,” said Paulette slowly.

Aurora nodded. “Sometimes a blank slate, without judgment, is the best thing.”

Sapphire nodded slowly while Amethyst typed away at her phone. “This is an emer-gen-cy,” said Amethyst, probably narrating what she was typing. “We need this woman straight aways!”

Sapphire raised an eyebrow. “And, what accreditations does she have?”

“Oh!” Amethyst raised her hands. “She does it all! Fairy reiki, dragon summonings, elf shamanism, elder channeling, you name it!”

Sapphire, to her credit, kept on a very composed face. “Elf shamanism?”



Sapphire stared off into the void as if somehow broken. “Hmm,” was all she said.

I tried to rescue this situation. “Well, I’m sure that if we were to put our heads to it, we could do another ritual that would fix things.”

“I’m not leading another ritual,” said Amethyst tartly.

Sapphire looked to Aurora. “You could, if you’d like. Or I could.”

Amethyst looked pointedly at Aurora. “How experienced are you at banishing? It can get gritty sometimes!”

Aurora kept her cool. “I haven’t led many rituals.”

Amethyst, eyes bulging, pointed to her phone. “This lady has seen it all! Demon summonings, oh!” the phone buzzed and Amethyst grinned. “She says she can be here today!”

“Alright, all in favor of this raise your hand,” said Sapphire grimly, as if she already knew the outcome.

Most of the table raised their hands, to my surprise.

“Hmm,” said Sapphire grimly. To Amethyst, she said “So where was this lady trained?”

“Oh, she’s intuitive,” said Amethyst. “Do I tell her to come?”

Sapphire smiled grimly, like she was telling someone to nail her inside a coffin. “Yes. Do it.”


Welcome to Circlet School ~ Chapter Two Part One

Put up wards, she said. It will be fine, she said. Well, fuck no!

I’d set up my shrine, as any good pagan will do. I then prayed to the Goddess and God and asked them to protect my room from oogie boogie activity. Then, even though I was exhausted, I sprinkled salt all around my room. So far, it seemed good. Sure, the window looked cold and menacing, but a curtain would surely fix that.

I went to bed damned and determined to be positive about this venture. Sure, the place was haunted. But we were Wiccans! That shouldn’t be a problem. Witches unite! What good were we if we constantly fled from supernatural activity?

This, I decided, was going to be a great venture. I put my head on the pillow, closed my eyes, and told myself that yes, all was going to be good.

And then the nightmares struck.

I was in a dark corridor in a school. Monsters crawled over the walls, hanging with caterpillar like bodies and moth like faces with wings for mouths. Wow, I thought, the children have grown.

I pushed a door, and entered a classroom. There, the seats were filled with monsters. Saliva drooling, axe-bearing, monsters. They watched me with fly-like eyes, their large bodies bulging from the seats.

Wow, I thought. Still not combing their hair, I see. What brats!

‘Brats’ stuck in my mind as I jolted awake.

Sitting up in bed, I looked around. What the hot fuckery was that? What the-?

My tiny room looked back at me. Suddenly, I was envious of the principal for having a service dog. Something alive to keep her company when she woke up.

I rolled out of bed and stood, stretching. What time was it? Was it too early? What had woken me up, aside from the nightmare?

Checking my cellphone, I found it to be six am. Fabulous. Just a tad bit early, but not too bad, really.

Trying not to sulk about the sleep I lost, I kneeled before my shrine for a moment of prayer. I closed my eyes and relaxed, focusing my thoughts on the God and Goddess, asking them for insight about the dream. A state of peace came over me and I felt revelations flowing to me, like a gateway was opening. I remembered the principal speaking about the residential school and-

It was brutally interrupted by a viking voice roaring “RAGNAROOOOOOK”.

Metal guitars chimed in and music began wailing from the room next to mine, then was silenced mid-riff.

“Sorry!” our residential viking’s voice called out. “Forgot to turn off my alarm!”

I wanted to slam my head against the wall. Alright, I was cranky now. Very cranky. I hated getting interrupted mid-prayer, mid-ritual, mid-sacred stuff.

Okay, okay. I tried to refocus. Ground, channel my thoughts, and focus on the God and Goddess. But my mojo was broken. I couldn’t stop thinking about Ragnarooooook. Ugh.

Giving up, I shed my sleep gear (not a onesie, normal respectable pajamas) and dressed in the first thing that touched my hand. Jeans and a plain black t-shirt. Then, in my socks, I walked out to go to the bathroom at the end of the hall.

In the hallway, I crossed paths with the principal walking away from the bathroom. She was in a long-sleeved shirt and pressed pants, and shoes. “Good morning,” we chimed in at each other, her in a steely voice and me drowsy. Then, over her shoulder, she called at me. “Shoes!”

Oh, goodness. I pinched the brow of my nose and fairly ran into the bathroom.

In the eating hall, half an hour later, I was sitting across a table from the ‘viking dude’.

“I’m so sorry about the alarm,” he said for the umpteenth time.

I chewed on that, deciding about hexing him or not. I’m joking. Of course I shouldn’t be hexing. Plus it was against the rules of this damned place.

“No problem,” I muttered before taking another bite of cereal.

“I’m really, so sorry,” he said.

“That alarm has got to go,” said Crystal as she dropped her tray down next to him. “Hi Thunder,” she said to me.

I grunted around my cereals.

The viking began apologizing again. Crystal nodded, propping her feet up on the bench beside me. Bare feet.

“You need shoes,” I said, gulping down my mouthful.

Crystal winked at me. “She won’t notice if I keep my feet up like this.”

That might have worked if the staff weren’t all congregating around the same table, being ours. Aurora arrived, the cook left the kitchen to come sit, and I found myself sitting in the middle of everyone with what looked like an empty spot beside me.

Once more, people introduced themselves. I began trying to keep track of names. Amethyst was the shawled woman – still wearing so much black and silver. Bjorn was the viking. Cheryl was the chef.

“Shoes,” announced the principal, seemingly appearing out of nowhere with her tray.

Crystal lowered her feet guiltily. The principal plopped her tray next to me, her corgi shuffling to lay down beneath her. The principal sat, straight-backed and cold of aura. Her hair was impeccable, there was a hint of eyeliner, and her lips were a sraight line.

I tried not to stare. She looked tired, but strict as ever. Butterflies did their thing in my stomach. I focused on my cereal, hoping not to spill them on myself.

Chatter resumed, somewhat quieter. Hahaha. As if.

“I had such bad dreams last night!” announced Amethyst tearfully for the whole world and the other ones beyond to hear. It would have been an excellent summoning.

The principal looked completely nonplussed as she buttered her toast.

“Those poor children! I couldn’t help but think of them all night-”

The principal opened a sachet of sugar and dumped it into her coffee.

One by one, voices chimed in. Most hadn’t slept well. All felt terrible for the ‘poor children’. The principal focused on her food, nodding as she listened.

“I dreamed I was teaching a class full of monsters,” I piped in.

“Hopefully not a prediction,” said the principal dryly, knocking twice on the wooden table.

“How can you say that?” wailed Amethyst. “Children have died and suffered here!”

I’m a teacher, I thought groggily. That’s why.

But I had to admit. Compared to everyone else’s overflowing sympathy, my dream was terribly badly placed.

“Ritual has been done,” said the principal crisply. “But if you feel more needs to be done, you are welcome to do so.” She nodded at the chef. “I’m sure there is enough salt in the kitchen for everyone to use-”

“Oh but we must use himalayan salt!” squeaked Amethyst. “And, you know, it’s supposed to sit on the altar for a moon’s cycle for it to be blessed!”

The principal’s face remained stoically neutral. “If you feel the need-”

“We should do a ritual!” Amethyst fanned her hands (and arms, and shawls) around herself as if to draw in everyone’s aura to her. “We must!”

Bjorn didn’t seem completely thrilled. We exchanged a look, but shrugged. Crystal was alert and nodding quickly. Farther down, the chef was captivated and Aurora seemed interested.

“The souls of these children need to be released!” wailed Amethyst.

The principal’s eyebrows rose, but she bit into her toast.

“Let me see, we will have to do a banishing of all negativity,” Amethyst said, looking up at the ceiling as if answers were written there. “We will have to invoke Demeter-”

“Evoke, I hope you mean,” said the principal starchly.

“Sorry?” said Amethyst, totally not sorry.

“You’re not allowed to bring a deity into yourself,” said the principal while stirring her coffee. “But you may summon, so that means evoking, not invoking.”

“Oh, yes,” said Amethyst feebly. But then she waved her arms and re-invigorated herself. “A banishing! What moon phase are we in?”

There was a rustle of phones being drawn out.

“Waxing,” someone announced.

Amethyst sighed loudly. “That will not do! We will have to wait for the waning!”

“Or you could just do it tonight,” said the principal. “The students will be arriving in three days, you don’t have much time to do this.”

“On a waxing moon?” Amethyst was gaping as if, well, as if someone had contradicted her.

“Some would say it doesn’t matter,” said the principal flatly.

“I agree,” chirped in the chef, Cheryl.

“If we raise enough energy, it should be fine,” said Crystal happily.

Amethyst was still gaping. “but the moon-”

“Or wait,” said the principal, standing. “but you all have three days before the students get here. I suggest you get your classes in order, as well as familiarize yourself with their names and faces. It’s all in the emails.”

The principal walked away, and something inside me sighed wistfully. But then she was out of the hall, and it was silent.

Amethyst was flustered. “I can’t believe she isn’t staying to help!”

“She probably still has plenty to do,” I mumbled. Like the rest of us, actually. This wasn’t going to be a cakewalk.

“But we have spirits here!” Amethyst’s eyes grew wide. “These poor children-”

“Well,” Bjorn leaned back in his chair, massive frame stretching his shirt out as he straightened. “Didn’t she say she’d already had the place cleansed? It can probably wait.”

I nodded at that.

But Amethyst did certainly not nod. “I feel like this is pressing. These children, all this pain- it is going to transfer into our school year if we are not careful!”

Crystal nodded empathetically. I sensed drama. Then came the kicker.

“I’ll write out the ritual,” said Amethyst with a haughty sniff. “I’m a high priestess, I can do that.”

I almost smacked my face with a palm. Oh, good gods. As if it took a special Goddess-given stamp to be able to write rituals. But okay, sure.

“In my coven,” began Amethyst, and my eyes wanted to glaze over.

But, as it turned out, most of us didn’t have covens. So everyone listened with rapt attention, thoroughly impressed or at least interested. I have to say, I was curious. I didn’t attend other rituals aside from those of my coven that often, and sometimes I found their going-ons to be thoroughly dramatic and binge-worthy.

Amethyst went on and on about how, in her coven this and in her coven that. “There must always be the high priest and the high priestess,” she went on so passionately. “Otherwise the whole ritual will be imbalanced and the whole energy will be just so off and-”

Okay, my eyes did glaze over for a few minutes there. Did she think we didn’t know any of this?

A foot nudged me under the table, drawing me out of my thoughts. The whole table was staring at me.

“Will you?” asked Amethyst.

I blinked, looking around. “What?”

Amethyst was leaning earnestly over the table, eyes glued to me. “Will you be the priest for the ritual?”

I looked to Bjorn, offering him with a palm. Look! Wayyyy more manly manly over there-> but he was shaking his head and leaning back with his beefy arms crossed over his chest. “I ain’t Wiccan,” he said cheekily. Then, for added victory (or to deal a death-blow to me maybe) he said “I’ve never led ritual.”

“He’s not even a first grade,” said Amethyst passionately. “You’re third grade, right? You can help me lead!”

Help her? Oh, good gods no. I looked down the table. Ah. Hah hah. Bjorn and I were the two only males here. “No one else male-identifying?” I asked hopefully, fishing out there for some trans or non-binary person to step forward and take the spot from me.

No such luck.

“We need a priest in order to bring balance to this out of balance place, so full of male toxicity-”

“Okay, I’ll do it,” I said, feeling it was my duty. Of course, I regretted it the instant I said it.

“Oh good!” Amethyst said dramatically. “We’ll have to wait for the full moon, of course, if not the waning, but I’ll write it out and get the material- and we will need to be thirteen, so she will have to be there-”

“What’s her name? By the way?” I asked suddenly.

All heads turned. “I forgot,” I said, feeling stupid. I knew her last name was on the contract somewhere, but I wanted to know her magical name.

Amethyst smiled forgivingly at me. “Sapphire. Her name is Sapphire.”

Oh, okay. Sapphire.

Oh no! No Spoilers!

So today was a sleepy and lazy day. I was so lethargic and had no motivation whatsoever that I thought I wasn’t going to write. I just didn’t want to, and saw no use in forcing myself.

Luckily, that phase passed quickly enough and I got to writing this evening! I wrote a thousand words in Ranger’s story. The first novel (it’s a trilogy, I think) is almost done! I’m just about to the ‘big finale’ of that novel, and it’s so exciting!

I must say, I feel so privileged to be able to write like this. I finally have enough mental power and peace of mind to write clearly, and it shows. My writing has never been this cohesive and flowed so easily. And I have the time to write! A great spoil in and of itself!

But I digress. After working on Ranger’s story, I wrote in Chaos & Kuryo’s novel. UGHHHH. I’m not a fan of that section I wrote. It does it’s thing, sure, but – it’s not magical. I want magic, dammit! I want it to be captivating and enthralling and it just felt like filler. Like, the stuff had to happen but it wasn’t going to be interesting. Meh!

Anyways, there’s NO SPOILERS in this rant because -> I have no idea what happens next for Chaos or Kuryo. Nada. I’m like, a blank slate before the proverbial page. I’m slightly out of motivation, I’m not going to lie. My mind is very much caught up in Ranger’s story (much epic! much action! much romance!). I’d much rather be indulging in that story now, but there’s only so much I can write of a certain story each day. I usually only write between a thousand and two thousand words per story, then it becomes painful to keep going. So yeah, it takes me a while to make progress. Comparatively, when I began taking Abilify (and was a little wired and determined out of my mind) I was making myself write five thousand words a day in ‘a Tale of Two Queens’. It progressed so quickly!

Some days I miss being able to get that many words down a day. But then I remember how much pressure I’d placed upon myself and go naah. I’m much better off sticking to a few thousand instead of absolutely must be five thousand. I have a bit more of a life now, and am much happier!

Anyways, all that to say that today was a sleepy day and not much progress was made 🙂 And that’s fine. I’m okay with it, because I trust myself to keep on going, and I know it’s my persistence that keeps my stories finishing, even if it is at a slower pace than I’d like!

Also, I’m starting to debate what I’ll do with Ranger’s story. Hmm. Should I get beta readers? Should I edit the first novel and share it, or write all three of the trilogy then edit and share for cohesiveness? How do ‘professional’ authors do it? I think they do it book by book, but I’m worried about wanting to change a detail in the beginning as I write the ending. But would I really change that much? I don’t do much in way of editing so unless I grow a massive editing arm, it’s highly unlikely I’ll change lots of details. Hmmm…

As always, I wish you all the best! Lots of love to you all ❤

B-B-B-But What Happens NEXT?! (Spoilers and Frustration)

AHHHH! If you’ve at all been reading Chaos’ novel, you know that we’ve now come to ‘the hostage situation’, aka the part that is directly taken from my dream.

Y’all, I’ve been SO EXCITED and dreading this scene all at the same time. Mainly because, yeah, epic scene and wahhh and all that, but – what happens next?

Y’all, I’m really torn. If you’ve read ‘Blue Crow Rising’ (but I don’t think any of you have), you’ll know that it’s a bit of a ‘groundhog day’ kind of story. As in, things get undone and Kuryo keeps trying to fix things and he keeps getting shipped back in time to try it over. It happens several times to him and Charr.

So it would totally fit that, indeed, Evil Kuryo does kill everyone and send them all back in time to a pre-everything universe. It would just be, oh I don’t know, Fucking Nerve Wrecking for this author over here? I mean, I’ve built up several books of plot and then bam! This character is like “Hey bitch, I’mma undo all your hard work because I want my happy ending. Watch me.”

And I’m just standing here, holding the pen and shaking in my boots. Y’all!

I mean, with my author’s spidey-senses, I feel like something in the middle is going to happen. A sort of undoing but maybe not completely. But- that still sounds like a heck of a mess.

Why can’t I have a nice and basic story that moves in a straight line, I ask?! Not that I find those at all fun to write, but hey. A little less winding would be cool too.

I mean, theoretically, zipping back in time might be a great way to have that happy polycule come back into the story, too. But what about the academy? And Chaos’ plotline? and Charr?

I’m just confused y’all. Part of me wants this story to just end so that I can finally see the big picture and start tying it all back together. Part of me feels like I’m on a circus ride and I’m being made into the clown of the show. Undoing the plot? Again? Wouldn’t that just – invalidate everything? Just thinking about it is making me a bit frustrated, to be honest. This story feels like it’s going on forever and has got no spine guiding it.

I mean, I know deep down that this story will probably all tied in neatly together, all on its own. Because that’s what it’s done up until now. Suspiciously, this story has worked itself into neat little knots and not made too much a mess of itself (at least I don’t think so, too much).

But then, part of me feels like I’m an idiot who’s going nowhere, following a random story that keeps generating itself on and on, never ending. I doubt that’s the case. Kuryo’s arc had a very neat ending to itself. But still… I’m… unsure? Not annoyed, but hesitant?

I dunno. Maybe I just need to see where the story goes from here and just let it happen. And hopefully that won’t take another three novels to finish! Or if it does spawn more novels, does it really matter? I mean, I’m having fun, the story is pretty fun (I think) and some people seem to be enjoying reading it. So I guess I should just relax and let things go on their way.

But still… evil Kuryo, I hope you don’t take us all back in time. At least not all the way, please?

Lots of love y’all! Take care and, if you do read my stories, thanks so much for reading! I appreciate it very much 🙂 !


Chaos & Kuryo (novel 3) Chapter 14 part 1

photo of brown concrete buildings
Photo by Min An on

Kuryo POV

Suzy was crying. Again. My head was pounding from ‘why not’ essence. Because why wouldn’t I still have a headache?

“Suzy, suzy, it’s okay,” I murmured to myself, only half-asleep. I’d slept, brainstormed and slept and now had just given up on some brainstorming. Because, really, how could I stop an invasion into the gods’ realm? I mean, yes, I had certain powers. But let’s face the reality → my wings were cut. I was stuck here. Really, really, stuck.

Was that an excuse to not do anything? Really, maybe, probably? I wanted to go home now. I just wanted to grow my wings back, zap home, and flake on the couch with Aaliyah and Jade. Charr would talk endlessly about her homework. Chaos would brew coffee.

That’s it, I thought as I tucked my beak under my wing. Maybe I should just stop poking my nose everywhere. Maybe I should just go home.

Suzy wailed loudly in the back of my mind. She wouldn’t admit why she was terrified, just that she was. And frankly, I wasn’t ready to go poking about inside her mind to try and figure it out.

“But we’re supposed to go back to the Academy!” she cried out, shaking me within myself.

I closed my eyes and tried to shut her out. I want to go home, to my home, I thought as loudly as I could.

Apparently, Suzy could scream louder than I could, mentally.

My head split with pain as she screamed “But the Academy! It needs us!”

Oh, good gods. Jesus on a stick, as Chaos would say. Please, Suzy. I’m trying to rest here.

Then, just as I wanted to mope and curl up miserably in myself, I felt a shift in the aether, in the weaving of this world.

My head popped up on its own and I eyeballed around me. And right there in the living room, wobbling on unsteady legs, was me, version two point oh.

Oh, hello jerk, I thought angrily. I sat up – but this wasn’t the dude who had sold me to the Academy. This was the one who had previously tried to kill me, a few years ago. Or at least I was guessing by the fact that there was shorter hair and something shifty to his eyes. I remembered those eyes.

Squawk! I sat up, beating my wings at the cage before me. Just to say hi, in an angry sort of way. Or maybe a ‘fuck off’. I wasn’t sure whether I wanted to be rescued or to tackle him down.

He walked over, looked me up and down with a pause, then picked up the whole cage, me included. I squawked, pecking at him. It had zero result. He picked up the cage and put it under his arm, holding a strange black object in his hand.

He was looking at this object when the being came out of the other room and running over, hair flying about and surprisingly not naked. What? He always seemed naked these days.

Me two point oh jammed at the device, and frowned. The being/my other captor exclaimed something. Me two point oh answered and I squawked, beating my wings at the cage door. Let me out! Let me the fuck out, I’ve had it!

“Kuryo! Kuryo!” a voice shouted.

I spun this way and that – and then Aaliyah was there, crouchign down before the cage. “Kuryo! It’s me! Can you see me?”

“Aaliyah!” What was she doing here? I threw myself, my soul, forward and out of the cage to hug her. We embraced, soul to soul and happy.

Soul to soul? I looked her over. This was her, in soul. No body. “What are you doing here?” I asked, leaning back to look at her.

“I’m dead I,” she pointed to the other version of me. “He killed us. Me and Jade, and Chaos is missing -”


She shook me. “You need to run! He’s going to hand you over to the these people – I stalled his machine but you’ve got to run!”

As she said that I felt a flicker. The machine was nearly working again.

“Move!” Aaliyah shouted.

I jumped back into my body, shunting Suzy out of control. In a flash I seized the energy, the matter of this cage, and I wrenched it apart. As I fell I switched forms, landing on my human feet.

There was a shriek from the being, and a yell from the other me. I bolted for the door, knowing that if he caught me I didn’t stand a chance.

“This way!” Aaliyah was running beside me, switching into her dragon form. We darted around the apartment, yanked the door open, and were out in the hall.

I was so happy I’d followed the being out the other day. Now I knew the way out of this building, into an elevator-esque thing that sent you several flights down at a time, like a portal.

Nothing seemed to be working fast enough. The portals felt interminable as I heard the footsteps of other me just a flight above us, just one button click away.

Finally we burst out into the lobby. There there was a yelp from a surprised attendant, we raced the several feet across the carpeting, and we banged out through the steel doors.

The crowd stalled me for a moment. Where to run? There was peasants everywhere and I stood out like a clown at a funeral.

“Hey!” a hand clapped down on my shoulder. I squirmed, spinning and coming face to face with this other me. I grabbed his soul and twisted. His eyes rolled back in his head and he collapsed, soul and body out of sync and disorganized.

I spun and bolted. No aim, no direction. I just went left.

Update of the day!

Hi everyone! I had at first intended to make an introductory post for Chaos & Kuryo’s story, so that people who haven’t kept up with the story could just slip right in. However, that got confusing real quick, haha. So I rearranged the website instead, trying to make it more clear which story goes where. I hope it helps.

For anyone who is excited for upcoming Chaos & Kuryo shenanigans, I’m sorry to say that I didn’t write today. Today, I just went ‘ahhhh’ and chilled. I even NAPPED!

Instead of writing, I ska-doodled and drew on a picture of a certain evil-maybe-good character. It’s not finished yet, but I tacked it onto here because I’m not sure I will ever finish it. Honestly, I have no idea who this character is. I mean, I know ‘who’ they are ( said ruler who killed XYZ) but that’s about it, really. What their personality is like is anyone’s guess so far. I’m just hoping they don’t turn into another Bella/wannabe/annoying character I want to slap.

Anyways, I wish you all a lovely rest of the day/evening wherever you are! Stay safe and wash your hands!

kuryo black villain1

Chaos & Kuryo (novel 3) Chapter 13 part 1

Kuryo POV

I was frustrated. Day two? Three? in this annoying cage and I wanted to peck someone’s brains out. Literally. I missed everyone. I was restless and physically agitated. Worse, I was curious. I was craving to know what was happening in this world, just beyond the realm of my cage.

Suzy shared none of that. Curiosity? “Why do you care?” she whined endlessly. “We just have to get out of here. Go home.”

I stifled my thought that we might not be able to travel home so easily. What if we were caught again?

Instead, I focused. Today, I was going out. No, not physically. Spiritually, that is, I was escaping. The being here obviously had some sort of link, job, what have you, to have been given all of those charts. So I was going to piggyback off of him and do my best to figure out what I could.

But first, apparently, sex had to be had. The short and portly man from the day I arrived was here again, and all sorts of noises were coming from the bedroom. I rolled my eyes at the ceiling. Suzy was listening intently, too shy to mention leaving the body to go observe, but definitely soaking in all she could. And she said I was the only curious one. Hah!

“We’ll do that one day?” Suzy asked from the back of my mind.

I poked my head under my wing. “I doubt it,” I said honestly.

Suzy was disappointed. She blocked herself off from me as much as she could, practically crossing her arms and turning her back on me.

I closed my eyes and willed this all to be over. All those sounds were reminding me of better days, to say the least. I missed Chaos, Jade, Aaliyah, and especially Charr. Charr… I would get her out of there. She would be fine, eventually. There must be some way to separate her from the Academy.

“Hey!” the man was right beside the cage. I must have dozed off. Now he was watching me, wiggling a wide finger towards the cage. “It’s still alive!”

And you’re still half naked, I thought bitterly. What hasn’t changed?

The slender being swept over, completely naked. “Yes, it’s quite unique, isn’t it? The feathers are so blue! I’ve never seen a crow like that before.”

The man looked the being over with a greedy eye. “There’s better things to look at.”

Barf! I made a hacking sound.

“Oh!” the being stooped over the cage, peering at me. I stopped the hacking noise, glaring at him. He fairly pressed his nose against the cage. “What was that? An egg?”

“A hairball maybe,” yawned the shorter man. “Hey, so you going to the council meeting this afternoon or what? Do I have to be there?”

“As the elected of the people, you do not,” said the being, straightening with a sweep of the long hair. Hair. I focused on the head hair to avoid looking elsewhere (where Suzy was gawking at right now, flooding my mind with very in-depth pictures). But genitals aside, there were more important things present.

I focused on the council meeting. Meeting for what?

The being was easily influenced right then, it seemed. “The meeting to discuss the next dimension,” he prattled off happily. “The one we’ve been aiming at. It might be ground zero, you know.”

The man frowned. “I knew that.”

“Oh,” the being paused. “I thought you’d asked.”

“No,” the man shook his balding head. “I couldn’t give less of a damn about this whole ground zero nonsense. A whole lot of crockery if you ask me.”

Because? I prodded some more, but didn’t have to. The being got fired right up. “I don’t believe you. If we can harness that power – we can redefine reality!”

“And what good will that do us? Hmm?” The human shrugged, scratched his belly, then stretched. “It’s all going to be bollocks anyways.”

“It isn’t! We’ve found a sample-”

“You caught a kid with blue hair. Big deal.”

Normally, I sensed they would let this topic slide between them. But I egged them both on, prodding and poking at their pride to keep them going.

“We caught a version of the triggering element!”

“It has no big powers,” yawned the human exaggeratedly, as if in challenge. “It could have been anyone.”


“And besides, what good is it going to do us to control other worlds? Huh? Ours is still going to be a shit-show.”

The being rolled his eyes and tossed his head. “The point, is to control reality! No more pesky gods in the way. We will have no one but ourselves to account to. Wouldn’t that be great?”

“Say that to the masses,” snorted the man, gesturing towards the porch.

Both looked towards it, and images of squat churches filled their minds. Foolish, they both thought. Praying to dead gods.

Dead? I tried to pull at the strings in their minds. I was filled with images of shattered temples, ruins, and of one sole surviving cult.

“That Sephira,” sighed the being, hand on hip. “I don’t get why they think that god is still alive.”

The man shrugged, all anger now gone. “The idiots need something to cling to.”

The tall being shook out its hair and combed it back from their face. “It’ll be gone soon enough. Once we execute the last of the gods, they will see that they are praying to nothing. No one can stop us.”

The portly man hummed in agreement, scratching his stomach again. Then, with a lecherous grin, he stepped towards the other being.

To summarize: they ended up back in the bedroom. Yark. I put my head back beneath my wing and decided to ignore that noise some more.

Suzy, however, was ecstatic. “If only they could really destroy all the gods! That would be so good!” she squealed. “Then they would be out of the Academy’s way!”

I ignored her as best I could. For some reason, I didn’t think the death of the gods was any sort of good thing. Even if gods were pesky, they were part of the universe. They kept things in order in their own (annoying) way.

After much ado about fucking each other, the two resurfaced from the bedroom, dressed and happy. They completely ignored me, going about getting ready to leave. They snatched up some crusts of that medieval bread and butter, took a sip of wine together, then were strolling on out. It was my chance.

“Watch my body, Suzy,” I said, having already briefed her on this part. As in: to NOT leave my body.

She nodded, and I was off. In human form I darted across the floor and – whoosh- slipped into winged version and landed on his shoulder.

The being didn’t even notice me. He merely rolled his shoulder at the extra weight, then went on locking his door.

Then, we were off.

Today was a Crap Day (mild spoilers)

Ugh. I have no good excuse/reason to feel so bad. It sucks. Yes, I had visit yesterday that was very excited, but that’s not enough to make me feel so bad usually. Today I had to call in said person again to help me with the dishes.

I was so excited to wake up today and do makeup. I had my glue sticks on the ready and was going to do a full drag face for the heck of it. And then boom. Bleh.

And I wasn’t even depressed. I was just so emotionally drained and exhausted mentally that I kept just wanting to curl up on the floor and not move. So, reinforcements making hot bread, I curled up before the TV and watched nature shows. Bleh. I don’t mind nature shows, but I really don’t enjoy not doing anything and watching TV. I like doing stuff.

So, tonight, after several episodes of ‘RuPaul’s Drag Race’ (I switched from nature shows), I dragged myself  up to my computer. Today’s episode of the story is courtesy of another day’s writing. All I did today was draw, and actually, the result isn’t too bad. I’m actually pretty pleased with it.

It has a lot of ‘bleh’-ness in it, is a sort of depressed piece. I think it fits the story (in the future) because, omg how is Kuryo going to cope with finding out that TWO of his girlfriends died while he was away? I mean, right now Chaos isn’t reacting very well. I don’t expect Kuryo to do too much better. I mean, he might not completely break down, but then again, he might just be the kind of high-functioning suffering person. This, I have to say, gets me a bit down. The story is taking such sad turns! I usually really like writing happy stuff and now the two main characters are going to end the story grieving and the third main character is just – Missing in Action? Will Charr survive mentally or is she gone into the Academy forever? Agh! I actually feel that I miss Charr so much when writing Kuryo. I keep thinking how she’d kick him into gear, organize him, and it makes me think that they really are quite a pair that depends upon each other for a bunch of their functioning. So yeah, it makes me down a bit because they’re missing and needing each other and whyyyyy are they apart. And then that makes me think again of how Kuryo is going to miss Aaliyah and Jade and bleh. 😦

It also makes me seriously wonder how this story is going to end. I’ve just had one idea, but that would be super sad. Another idea is also super sad. And how in the blazing hells am I going to get there? Augh! Frustration! I feel like the story is going to have some epic clash/struggle and I’m sort of dreading writing it. I mean, I’m just not seeing how I’ll weave all this in together.

Anyways, I guess that’s enough of a rant. I hope y’all will be taking lots of care and staying at home (alone!). I’ll try and keep writing and drawing, and hope y’all will enjoy! Take care 🙂

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Chaos & Kuryo (novel 3) Chapter 12 Part 1

Kuryo’s POV

Alright, these people wanted to conquer the god realms. Alright, cool cool. Not really my problem, right? So why was I bothered?

I sat in the cage, listening intently to all the chatter from the nearby person’s minds, and even the one from the apartment above and below. It was hectic in my head, but I was managing.

Because, seriously, if I understood half of what Suzy and these minds were telling me, they had already succeeded in several realms. Why they had succeeded, I had no idea, but if I was understanding their goal, they were zeroing on a something that none of these minds had defined yet. But they had sensed something and they wanted it. Figuring it was a god, they were slicing their way through realms, aiming for the ‘ground zero’ of the incident.

Which incident? I tried to probe their minds. The upstairs neighbor was too busy listening on some sort of technological device to really pay much attention to its thoughts. It also seemed that it wasn’t quite aware of ‘what’ it was either.

Frustrated, I zeroed in on the being in my apartment. Surely they knew, right? Grinding my beak, I felt ready to slam my head against these bars. I just wanted to know! But here I was, picking sluggish brains and sifting through mind-chatter. It was exhausting.

As I tried to suggest the thought of the ‘ground zero’ incident to the being in my apartment, it thought of me. Immediately it whisked into view, crossing from the living room-esque to the corner nook where my cage was.

The mind was filled with fawning ideas now. Great. Agoogiegoo. I was a cute bird. Who’s a cute bird? Augh!

I was ruffled in my mind when the cage was opened and I was dragged out. Yelp! My head was still pounding at every movement and I savagely attacked the hands holding me. Let me go! Think of what I want you to, dammit!

With a yelp I was dropped, flopping gracelessly down upon the floor. Ugh. Ow. My brain felt like it had split open. In the back of my mind, Suzy called to me.

I had let Suzy roam around the apartment cautiously, warning her to come quickly back to me if there was anything suspicious.

“Hey!” she appeared before me, tentacle-like lower half crawling along the floor, her upper body erect and smiling. “I found something!”

Meh? Do I care right now? I could barely hear her through the pain. I was being lifted up and petted now. Ugh.

“You’ll want to see this,” and Suzy popped into my head. Bad idea, Suz. The pain made her begin to sob.

As the pain faded I found myself being put back in the cage with a fresh bowl of water. I wanted to chuck it at the guy. Let me out!

“We have to get out of here,” Suzy whimpered as the pain began to recede.

I bit down a sarcastic retort and tried to soothe her. A plan, I was thinking of a plan.

“No, faster!” and Suzy called up in her mind, our mind now, what she had found.

Down the hall to the right, there was a work room. It was filled with shiny silver instruments and all sorts of maps and star charts. But in there, hung up on the wall alongside a whole bunch of other papers that Suzy hadn’t bothered to take a closer look at, was a picture of me.

I forced myself to calm down.

Then I thought about it, analyzing the picture. It was a mugshot of sorts, except there was a gaping hole in the forehead of me, with a silver spike jutting out. ‘Me’, however, did not appear dead. There was life, unhappy life, in those pained eyes.

Alright, they’ve caught a copy of me, and presumably, it’s alive. Great.

“I’ll go check it out,” I told Suzy, gently ordering her to stay in my body and keep me alive while I wandered.

So off I went, stepping out of my body and that infernal cage. Ah, how nice it was to stretch my arms and wings and – I took a good look. Yep, my spirit’s wings were clipped. I guess they coincided with my spirit form- ohhhh. They were one and the same. Duh.

Feeling like a proper idiot, I wandered in human spirit form down the hall and turned into the room.

It smelt of crisp papers, ink, and artificial pine freshener. But the room! There was so much more than Suzy had noticed. There were papers everywhere that seemed important. And yes, there was that gruesome mugshot. It wasn’t alone however, being stapled to a whole pamphlet of papers that were all tacked up together.

I rifled through them. On the paper, I felt the residual energy of excitement, euphoria even. Whoever had read this had been very happy at its information.

Cautiously moving the papers to read them, I was baffled by what I saw. Graphs, graphs, and scribbles in an arcane language. Okay.

Keeping my cool, I began rifling through everything. There was disappointment here, excitement there, and above all, graphs. Graphs and graphs. But graphs of what? Their images tingled at me, and they seemed familiar. It took me a good few minutes of sensing them before their meaning rippled into me.

These were graphs of reality. These were dimensions and time movement charts. And there, behind that mugshot, was their co-ordinates for ‘ground zero’. A realm they hadn’t yet reached.

Okay, okay, but what did this have to do with that version of me? I peered closer at it, willing myself to read the very flimsy energy that was left on it, the impression and thoughts of the reader.

‘He’s not the one.’ The thought was clear as day. Disappointment and deception. Anger. Disbelief and frustration.

I scowled. But what was the ‘one’? What were they looking for?