I know, I get too invested in things. But is what I want really too much to ask?
I want maturity. I want pagan leaders to pay attention to what they are doing, and not be on some fantasy ‘witchy’ trip.
I want people to know their stuff, and not to just have regurgitated stuff they found online.
I want depth. I am sick and fed up with Llewellyn’s 100 some odd superficial books. I know, they have some less superficial ones. Good for them. But seriously? That number is ridiculously low. Come on, people. Let’s debate. Let’s get serious.
I want charity/activism. I’m so bloody fucking sick of ‘schools’ that just teach stuff that is largely based off of UPG. Can’t they give back to community? Host rituals for charity?
Oh, and why don’t they do actual research? Why?
I know, I bitch. But I feel so tired and annoyed. I love the Aquarian Tabernacle Church so far, don’t get me wrong. They feel like an oasis of decency in a plastic garbage heap. What the hell, pagans? Why have we become so commercialized? So self-centered?
And finally, my last bitching point to the universe: why do I want to host a ritual so much? Yeah, this is personal. But I miss leading rituals, for the sense of numinous and community and charity. I miss it so badly, it’s all I can think about these days. I just want to host a ritual, maybe for Samhain or something. But I don’t know how to go about it.
Part of me wants to be a rebel and host one on my own for all the queer and polytheist rebels out there. But then, part of me tells me to save my energy, to not overload myself. That this desire to hold a ritual is selfish, that it’s all going to blow up in my face as my last ritual group did.
I don’t know what to do. Any insight would be greatly appreciated, actually. Part of me feels tired of pagan culture, the nonsense of it all. But this is my religion, my beliefs. Why are the people I should share so much with so… so… I guess the phrase would be ‘not what I want them to be’. But to me, they feel so careless about their beliefs and community, like it’s all just a big party to them. Don’t they realize there are people out there who need help? Don’t they want to help? Why aren’t they serious about their religion and community?
Anyways, whatever. I’m going to brainstorm. I’ve got some ideas coming to me, so yeah, we’ll see what I do.
Much love to you all, take care ❤