Mental health, Mental Illness, Spirituality

So, in this blog post (and the video that will go along with it, at the bottom of this post), I’d like to talk about the difference between mental health and mental illness, and why that matters in a spiritual context.

Mental health and mental illness often get confused together, called the same thing, and mish-mashed together by the general populace. But! They are not the same thing at all.

Mental health relates to your mental well-being. This is: “our emotions, our thoughts and feelings, our ability to solve problems and overcome difficulties, our social connections, and our understanding of the world around us.” SOURCE

Meanwhile, “A mental illness is an illness the affects that way people think, feel, behave, or interact with others.” SOURCE

So, when someone is talking about their mental health, they’re talking about their moods, how they’re feeling, and how they can cope and interact with things. But when it comes to mental illness, one is talking about symptoms that are debilitating, crippling, and are diagnosed as things like depression, anxiety, bipolar, etc. SOURCE

Now, mental health and mental illness are NOT the same thing, but they are related. There’s this really useful image right here, that explains a whole lot, at least to me. SOURCE

Basically, mental health and mental illness are linked upon an axis. Mental health is the ‘up and down’, while mental illness is the sideways ‘left and right’. Or the y and x axis, if you feel like calling them that.

This means that one can have poor mental health without it being a mental illness, and vice versa.

Personally, I think I have pretty good mental health, at least in some aspects. I’m grateful, I like to see the positive aspects of things, and I try and be mindful (try being the key word, haha). But this good mental health does not imply no mental illness, as the diagram shows, as one can have good mental health while having a serious mental illness.

Now, what does this have to do with spirituality?

Well, because of the confusion of mental health and mental illness, people tend to assume that spirituality can heal it all. But, at least in my perspective and from what I’ve understood of the mental health and mental illness divide, spirituality can only affect mental health (outside of it being a miracle).

Now, there are plenty of great articles out there about how spirituality affects mental health. If this interests you, I encourage you to read up on them!

In my opinion, spiritual practices can help foster things like gratitude, positive thoughts, and a sense of connection with the world and promote happier and more fulfilling social connections. But these are things that fall under the mental health category, not mental illness.

I think you’d be hard pressed to find a reputable scholarly article about spirituality healing a mental illness. This is because mental illness is not dependent upon mental health or happiness or gratitude. Your outlook, gratitude, prayer, and positivity can all be on point and great, but you can still have a mental illness. This is because mental illness is, well, an illness, and not dependent upon our mental health.

Now, why is this distinction important?

Here’s the thing: because people confuse mental health and mental illness, they think that mental illness can be prayed away, meditated away, etc, etc, etc,.

But mental illness is an illness based in neurology! Unless one believes that their spirituality will heal a broken leg, I don’t see why it would heal mental illness. In my opinion, it’s a similar experience, a similar required amount of ‘spiritual woo woo’ and energy healing.

Another important point in this distinction of mental health and mental illness is that people confuse which one they had, and then go on to believe and assert that prayer or other spiritual practices did, in fact, heal an illness. In fact, they believe that’s what happened to them!

However, a person suffering from a mental illness will often not be able to function and perform the mental health practices, nor will they see any positive results, as their problems are neurological in nature, not mental health related.

This mix-up between mental health and mental illness ends up placing a huge amount of pressure upon a person with mental illness. Because spiritual practices are so beneficial to those with mental health issues and because there is no distinction between mental health and mental illness, there becomes an expectation that spirituality will be able to heal a mental illness. Furthermore, as these practices ‘worked’ for those without mental illness, the blame for the lack of success becomes placed not upon the process (because it has been ‘proven’ to work), but upon the person with the mental illness.

In cases like this, the person with a mental illness who isn’t achieving results is often seen as not being ‘spiritual’ enough, or not trying ‘hard’ enough. This is very damaging.

Here’s a link to the video I made where I discuss this, for those who prefer videos to written material!

Why write about Spirituality and Mental Illness?

Well, before I get back into my groove of writing about mental illness, it occurred to me that I should maybe explain the ‘why’ behind the decision to talk about mental illness and spirituality.

There’s a saying that goes (and I really don’t remember where it’s from) something along the lines of how the most earnest prayers come from people in hospitals. I think this is particularly true about people in psych wards, or who are dealing with mental illness.

People turn to spirituality when they are hurt, confused, or generally lost. And mental illness makes you feel that, in an strange way sometimes. Because mental illness isn’t seen as a physical problem, its invisible and most don’t realize it’s got physical roots, people don’t turn immediately to doctors. Sadly, people actually refuse to see doctors for mental illness because of perceptions and biases that have their roots in spiritual beliefs.

Some of these are ones like: mental illness is the result of a curse, or God’s punishment for a lack of faith, or the result of being estranged from God. It can also be believed to be an imbalance of chakras that only requires meditation to be cured, spirit possession, or (my personal pet peeve, and one that truly held me back) the belief that mental illness is some sort of psychic ‘breakthrough’.

A bunch of these are due to the conflation/mix of mental health and mental illness. Due to the lack of understanding on the difference of these two, people will often try and use spirituality and spiritual practices (which can be beneficial to mental health) to treat mental illness.

Personally, when I went out with my service dog for mental illness, people would often ask me what the dog was for. Once they found out it was for mental illness, these strangers would often end up giving me some sort of advice or opinion on mental illness. Most of these were spiritual perspectives that were against medication and ‘western medicine’, as well as conventional therapy.

Similarly, when I really struggled with my mental illness and was unmedicated, people often threw spiritual advice at me. It was all anti medication and anti conventional doctors. Now that I am medicated and happily so, I find it really disturbing that there is so much anti-medication sentiment out there! I sometimes wonder what my path to healing would have been like if I had been surrounded by more realistic approaches.

Anyways, now that I am in a better space mentally, I think it’ll be nice to get back into talking about mental illness and spirituality. I think it’ll do me good, as it’s something that I really care about, and love discussing with others. I find it nourishing and cleansing.

I also want to really show others that getting conventional help is not anti spirituality. I once met a doctor in training at a mental health clinic, and he was really surprised to hear that not all spirituality is against medication, and that I had arguments against those points. It made for a very interesting discussion, but also showed me that there wasn’t much perspectives out there that are spiritual and embracing of actual treatment for mental illness.

Anyways, that’s all I have to say for today! I will be posting a video to MY CHANNEL soon about these points, and it will basically be a copy of this post. I’m doing this because some formats are easier for some people and not everyone likes reading, and I’m hoping to make this as available as possible.

I wish you all a lovely day ❤

Unhinged… The Vlog?

Hi everyone! I’m happy to announce that I’m hopefully going to be doing mental health videos.

It’s been a little bit that I’m wondering if I’ll get back into my mental health blogging, and I think I will. But I really want it to be a positive thing in my life, and to come from a positive space, not to be a grumpy rant. So, as YouTube videos have been a fun thing for me, I’m thinking of doing those, as well as some written blog posts.

I’m thinking of discussing technical aspects around mental illness and spirituality. I’m really hoping that these videos and posts can be educational and resourceful for people, especially those suffering from mental illness.

Hopefully I’ll have some guests who can come onto my blog and discuss some stuff with me, so if you have a mental illness/mental health issue and you want to talk about it within a spiritual context, let me know!

If you have topics you’d like to suggest, or things you’d like to see me talking about (not researching, I don’t feel like researching, just talking from a personal perspective), let me know!

Wishing you all a very lovely day, and hoping you’ll like these videos! ❤

Back Again ~ Hopefully to a New Start

I had a dream last night. I dreamt that I was coming to the conclusion that it was wrong of me to have pulled this blog from the web, and that I would resume my blogging.

The truth is, I’ve been feeling guilty lately about pulling my blog from the web. Maybe it’s inflated of me, but I like to think that my blog posts help people, even in a small way, to understand and cope with their mental illness. So, pulling this blog from the internet felt mean to me. Like I was taking away what someone might need in their moment of darkness.

But the fact is also that I feel vulnerable. I’m no longer sure of my spiritual foundations. Mental illness, psychosis, and the weird nuances of it all are getting to me. How do I define my beliefs? I do not know anymore. I’m really not sure, and frankly, am not sure I will ever be sure.

The thing is, when you get feelings and calling that contradict your beliefs, life gets weird. It gets weirder when you’re not sure what’s psychosis and what’s medication and what’s genuine – and how does it all tie in?

Anyways, this post is just to say that I’m going to be trying to bring this blog back to life, but hopefully not too personal of a way so that I feel like taking it down again.

Wishing you all the best ❤

Writing a Book?

Yeah, I know, wow. The author wants to write ANOTHER book. But, hear me out here, this one would be about *drumroll* -> me.

Me, my story, my vulnerabilities, my lived experiences. My spiritual experiences. Now, my knee jerk reaction is that this seems incredibly selfish. After all, what I’ve gone through is not necessarily that interesting for anyone else than me. And besides, I have shit for memory. My memory is like a blended fruitcake that was then strained. Only chunks remain, and they ain’t sweet anymore.

But – would this be useful for me? Would this story help me heal? Would it force me to come to terms with things? I don’t know. I hope so. I feel – I don’t know. Having been told by my psychiatrist to get in tune with my emotions struck a chord in me. I’ve upped my medication, yes, but I want to up my inner game as well. I want to gain some inner strength.

So my question to you all is, have you done this before? Have any of you written out your experiences as a therapy, and shared it for others to read? How did that help you? Was it difficult? Did it really help, or was it just mush?

And finally, I’d like to ask you, my faithful readers, how you would like me to go about this? Would you like snippets posted here and on other sites? Or should I just focus on writing it all, then decide what to do with it? How would you go about writing a book about your life, especially if your brain is something like a mix of swiss cheese and apple pudding as far as memory retainment goes? What would you like to know about me? Ideas on what to focus on?

A Publishing House for the Mentally Ill?

Hey everyone! So, originally I had a very boring post set up to post about how I don’t feel like writing Chaos & Kuryo’s story today. Real thrilling, I know. BUT! Then I was asked for a guest post about publishing and wham! Not only did I write up a post about self-publishing and mental illness (two of them, actually), but I had an idea! A very interesting idea, if you ask me.

Here it is: Wouldn’t it be epic (to say the least) if I was to start a publishing company dedicated to the fiction stories of people with mental illness?

I mean, hear me out. I know there are a bunch of writing collectives out there like ‘the mighty’ and ‘the bipolar writer’ blog. But where do we, the mentally ill, publish our fiction? Well, probably indie, you see. But that’s a space wherein there’s already a TON of neurotypicals out there, publishing stuff that neurotypicals want to read. So where is the space dedicated to the mentally ill people’s fiction?

I don’t think we have one, simply put. We’re just starting to have spaces to talk about getting better and expressing our experiences. Our fiction, as of yet, is still mixed in with everyone else’s.

But, here’s another thing. I’m quite sure that people with mental illness have pretty bizarre and interesting ideas, which would make for very unique and interesting stories that step out of the ordinary. I think this could really be a fun initiative!

Sad fact: I have no idea how to go about making this happen. Anyone, any ideas? How would one go about doing this? Is this something that anyone would be interested in participating in? Give me your thoughts!

Photo by Bilakis on Pexels.com

I Asked! I Received! AKA I got a Dream! And a Life Update! So Much Happy!

Y’all, something happened to me that I’m just so excited about! Y’all, I got ANOTHER DREAM!

You see, after writing my post last night, when I went to bed I prayed to receive a dream to help me advance in the story. And it happened. I had an epic dream, bringing in elements I’d have never thought of before, completely explaining why I had a hard time drawing out the other main character (I was missing a giant part of his character!) and tying the two main characters together.

I hope no one out there is sick of hearing me rant about my dreams. They blow me away every time. To me, my dreams are always these freak ‘coincidences’ that prove to me that there’s something out there, listening and watching and paying attention to us. Having this kind of guidance when it comes to writing a) blows my mind, b) makes it easier to sort out the stories in unusual ways and c) makes me so happy I’m medicated.

I never got helping dreams before I medicated and got stable. It was always just nightmares, nightmares that made me afraid to go back to sleep. Y’all, I used to sleep only three to four hours a night for about two to three years, just because I was so terrified of my dreams and of nighttime in general. It was awful.

But you know what else happened to me the other day? It happened a little bit also last night, but not too strongly.

I started hearing voices as I fell asleep! And if anyone tells me I was shamanizing, I’mma hit you with a bucket. Because I was not. I was basically sleepwalking/dreaming awake/experiencing a form of sleep paralysis.

Being a good little person, I up and called my psychiatrist right away, and she called me back and assured me that unless it becomes recurring and causes other symptoms to return, it’s fine.

Y’all, it was terrifying. I was so afraid that all my progress was about to be undone, and that I’d be going back to hallucinating during the day and being anxious and incoherent all over and gah! It’s moments like those that I realize how precious my mental state is and how privileged and lucky I am to have come so far.

I mean, I’ve been able to start meditating! I’ve been praying devotionally for 15 ish minutes at a time 2- 3 times a day this week and (besides the sleep paralysis event) I’ve had no bad results! Y’all, that is HUGE!

I’m doing so much better, it really makes me happy, truly. It also makes me feel like I should do more to reach out and help other pagans who might be struggling, but, somehow, the better I get the less qualified I feel? I’m not sure why. I ‘know’ that what works for me won’t necessarily work for someone else, but I dunno, I feel like if I’m not struggling myself, I shouldn’t be telling others what to do.

Anyways, this has been a (lengthy) update post! I hope y’all are doing good and will have a lovely time of today! Much love and happiness to you all 🙂 ❤

 

 

Step 5 ~ Gather Your Resources

Now that you’ve chosen your path of healing, you’re going to do some research. Consider it like a nature walk. Do you just up and randomly drive up to the side of a forest and begin slugging away at it, trying to walk through the thick and thin of it? Of course not (or at least I hope you don’t- it could be private property!). No. As a good pagan, you will first check our where you’re allowed to go and find some nice nature parks. Then you’ll maybe get a copy of a local flora and fauna book to better understand what you’ll be seeing. Then you get proper walking boots and socks and a hat and maybe pick out a crystal to guide you. All this to say -> you get prepared. Pagans are really big on intuition and ‘winging it’, but there’s nothing wrong or un-spiritual about planning. For those of us with mental illness, it can really help and make sure we don’t miss something obvious.

So, first things first. Get a hold of your trusty list of treatment options that you made last step. Grab a new sheet of paper and write them down in the order you want to do them, leaving plenty of space all around to write in your research. I suggest sticking the worst/most stressful thing in the middle, that way you end on a less stressful note.

Now, going down your list, research each option one at a time. Truth be told, this could take a few hours, even a few days. You want to be exhaustive.

But how do you do this? It’s easy to say ‘research’, but for me, that’s overwhelming. So let’s break it down.

Suppose you have are willing to see a doctor. Research on the local doctors. Do you have options with your insurance, or are you tied to a family doctor? If you already have a doctor, and you just have to make an appointment with them, then congrats, you’re done! If not, keep researching on which doctor you feel would best suit your needs.

Suppose you want to try only alternative medicines. Research which ones you want to take. Research what accredited people are near you, such as ayurvedic healers, naturopaths, etc. Write down their coordinates, availabilities, and approximate costs.

If you want to try group talks or similar therapies, research if there is any happening in your area, and consider calling a mental health clinic in order to know more about them.

Here’s a thing: don’t be afraid to call to get more information. If that’s too terrifying, get a friend to do it for you, or try emailing them. Whichever way, get as much pertinent information as you can.

A phone call, or email, could go like this:

“Hi, my name is ___ and I have ___ problems (such as anxiety or obsessions). I am currently researching on treatment options such as ___ (aromatherapy, reiki, etc) that you currently provide. I am wondering if you could tell me more about your services and how you could help me heal.”

One thing to consider, especially for alternative therapies and ‘spiritual’ practices such as reiki, is to ask them if they have any previous experience healing people with your condition. A simple way to phrase this is to say/write something along the lines of “I was wondering if you have any previous experience healing people with my condition, and if you could tell me how those experiences went.”

Again, you don’t need the nitty gritty details. But you do need to know whether they’ve dealt with anxiety/schizophrenia before, or whether they have no clue what to do with you.

Once you’re done with one point, move on to the next. In order for a point to be ‘done’, you should have gathered extra information specifically in regards to your condition (i.e., does the local health clinic offer schizophrenic talk meetings, does the reiki healer accept patients with your condition, etc) (except for a doctor, whose treatment plan will largely depend upon your meeting), gotten their contact method, and know where they are located. Once you’ve done this for your whole list, congratulations, you’re done for this step!

Again, take a breather. This may have been very stressful for you, and acknowledge that. It may also be confusing to have all this information. Acknowledge that as well. For now, don’t try and begin picking out who you want to see first or anything of the sort. Set it aside and forget about it until the next step.

I suggest you change your mind, cleanse your energy, and do a joyful spiritual practice. Offer thanks for the resources you’ve found!

 

Step 4 – Pick a Treatment Method

Now is when you refer back to your self-research you did on how you believe in treating mental illness. Now is the time to figure out how you want to treat yourself.

Start by clearing your mind of things such as fears and anxieties. Don’t let fear make your decisions for you, but rather what you truly believe in. You can do a small meditation, cleanse the air with incense, ring a bell a few times, and ground yourself.

Then, once you feel ready emotionally and your mind is clear, set yourself to this particular task.

Don’t get bogged down in the details of treating your symptoms, such as ‘how do I manage to take the bus?’. Think of the bigger picture here, and of your values.  Answer these questions.

• Do I want to take medication?
• Do I want to be followed by a doctor?
• Do I want to check into a mental health ward?
• Do I want to do therapy, see a psychologist, attend support groups, etc?
• Do I want to try by altering my nutrition intake/diet?
• Do I want to try ‘alternative’ treatments, such as naturopaths, aromatherapy, etc?
• Do I want to heal only via ‘spiritual’ techniques, like aura cleansing, rituals, etc?
• What do I have the means to do?

Once you’ve answered these questions, you should have a better picture of how you want to treat yourself. Now that you’ve made a list of what kind of treatment you want, the time has come to consult your tarot/spirits/inner archetypes.

First, do whatever rituals you feel necessary to dispel any negative energy/miasma that this activity may have caused you, and try and achieve a positive space for your readings. Then, when you feel ready and all your crystals are in place, do readings on your preferred treatment options. Ask them (whoever that is for you, be it deities or your inner selves) what they think about your treatment options.

Again, be honest. Write down without judgement or fear what comes to you. They may very well contradict what you want. Avoid questions fueled from fear and focus on ones that pinpoint which treatment options are best for you and lead to your healing. Questions may be ‘will checking in to the local psychiatric ward help heal me?’ if you are using a yes or no option or a two situation outcome reading, or ‘what is the most plausible outcome on my mental health if I was to check into the psychiatric ward?’.

The important thing is to face the situations here head on. Don’t be afraid of what answers your divination will bring you. Let it flow, and let them say what they have to say, without you judging them.

Then, when you’ve asked about all your possible treatment options, even the ones you’re not fond of, close the divination session. This is important. You want to be the one to make your decisions, not them. You are the responsible one here, and you don’t want a million voices clouding your judgement.

Close your ritual/seance/reading, and take a moment to ground yourself. Close your eyes and relax into a small meditation, or take a brisk walk out of doors if you are able. Whatever method you choose, reground into yourself and who you are. Then, move on to the next step.

Now you will take your choices and compare it to the reading/divination results. Now is the time to acknowledge what terrifies you (you can take a sheet of paper for that as well) but also to compare your thoughts with the wisdom you’ve been offered.

An IMPORTANT NOTE HERE: If your reading feels wonky/inconsistent/unreliable, and unusual to you, -> CHUCK IT. The point being, if it’s not something you’re willing to stick beside and that you really feel is right according to your spirits, don’t use it. Do another reading on another day or get someone else to do the reading for you.

Sometimes we’re too close to the matter to do a reading for ourselves and it gets all jumbled. That’s okay. Sometimes our fears are so strong they cloud the reading and that’s okay too. The important thing it to take a moment and use our discernment here. Is this a reading we are willing to stick by? If no, and it feels weird to you, chuck it. If yes, and it feels like painful truths, then continue.

Now, drawing upon the wisdom of your divinations and your own desires that you wrote down at the beginning of this exercise, make a new sheet. Be fair and take into consideration both what you want, but also what the spirits/inner self thinks is best for you. Really, only you can choose between the two, but you have to make a choice. Lucky you if what you and the spirits wants aligns! But if not, then you’ve got decisions to make.

Once you’ve made the decisions, write them down one by one. Then, stick that to your fridge or somewhere visible. Bring it to your doctor if you want. These are the kinds of treatments you’re willing to try, and that’s your decision for the time being. You’ve chosen your path.

If you’ve gotten this far, good job. If not, good job for trying, take a deep breath, and try again on a better day.

I strongly suggest that you take some time to rest and cleanse yourself emotionally after this. Dealing with treatment options can be terrifying and stressful, so cleanse yourself, shower, go for a nature walk, or nap to resource yourself. Don’t forget to congratulate yourself as well for taking your health into your hands. Good job!

Praying the Rosary?

As with so many of my spiritual bursts, it started with a dream. I dreamed of Buddhas and Christian icons, particularly a little wooden one of Jesus, and rosaries. When I woke up I went ‘ah’, and continued on my day.

But I kept thinking of rosaries. And so, the other day, I picked them up and was like ‘okay, what am I supposed to be doing with these?’. Well, as a pagan I wasn’t completely comfortable with them for the longest time, but then the other day I went ‘oh fuck it’, and decided to pray the rosary in the most Catholic of ways.

Well, it was nice. It was comforting, if a bit difficult to manage all the prayers and themes off the cuff like that. But I liked the structure. So I decided to keep doing it, along with reading the book from the Dalai Lama that I’m working on.

Now, I’m still pagan. But praying the rosary feels like coming home, making peace with the Catholic faith in a way. Integrating it into my daily spiritual life.

You see, my family has a long history of Catholicism. One of my grandmothers (that I never met) used to send my family prayer cards and plastic rosaries (even glow in the dark ones!). I kept and still have all the prayer cards, and was delighted to see that I still have a blue plastic rosary. She used to send blue ones for the boys and pink ones for the girls. How I ended up with the blue one is strange, but I think of it as a nice sign. Maybe she approves of my transition.

In any case, I was sifting through Catholic stuff online, thinking of those prayer cards she used to send when it struck me that -> not all my ancestors were pagan. I know, duh. But the ones that are the closest to me, who probably care about me the most, were Catholic.  Now they weren’t blind Catholics. Many practiced tarot and had their own opinions, but remained Catholic in their self-definition. Anyways, it just struck me that praying the Rosary and collecting prayer cards could be a lovely way to connect with those ancestors.

I mean, there’s got to be a reason that I have so many rosaries. I’ve got like five -> and I never set out to collect them or even keep them. It just happened.

Anyways, I’m not quite sure what to make of this development, honestly. I’m just going with what feels good right now. What’s odd is that my patron deity (Lucifer) seems plenty happy with this turn of events. And what also strikes me as odd is how satisfying it is. I’ve always felt that within paganism there is a lack of order, discipline, and depth. But delving into Catholic stuff, I feel that order and depth that I’ve been looking for. It just feels like so much of what I’ve been looking for from paganism is there in Catholicism. Which is strange.  But hey, I’m really not going to overthink this. I have enough on my plate emotionally right now that I’m just going fuck it. If it feels good and makes me feel better I’m going to do it. Which, coincidentally, the rosary has been doing. I find that because it has such an opening and a closing with the sign of the cross, it helps me get in and out of a meditative state relatively okay. Or so I feel.

Anyways who knows. Maybe this will be another of my strange bursts that makes very little sense. Maybe it’ll pass. Or maybe this is a new way to connect with my ancestors. Either way, there’s this song from the Notre Dame theater production that I’ve had stuck in my head for two days now. For those who don’t speak french, it’s a song about the gypsies asking for refuge in the city of Paris from Mother Mary (Notre Dame). It feels timely for me.