Aggressive Self Care

Apparently it’s a term my psychiatrist had never heard before. Aggressive self care. But it’s what I’m trying to do, haha.

Lately, I’ve been trying so hard to take care of myself. If it was a technique, or a strategy, it would definitely be called aggressive. Proactive at the very least.

I’m trying to make myself actual food. No cake for lunch kind of deal. I’m trying to drink water. I’m trying to do the five daily prayers as a way to consciously take 5 minute breaks of zen. I’ve even been trying to limit my desserts and only take them when I self care.

So far, it’s been helping. I’m getting back on my feet. Im trying not to push myself too hard to write though, hence my not cranking out so many words lately. Im very sorry for anyone who’s looking for some of the Circlet story. I just cant seem to write it, and Lage’s story is just coming to me easier these days.

I have been working on my children’s activity book too, and am about halfway through it. It’s going to be huge (to me, haha)! Its going to be over 70 pages of activities and colorings to do! All pagan themed! I cant wait to see what you all think of it!

What else has been happening in my life? I’ve been coming to terms with some difficult things, family wise, as well as trying to spend time with my loved ones. Rough things are happening, but we will get through this. I’m really just trying to heal right now.

Also, I’m working on a special birdie project that means so much to me, but it’s a secret so far. At least I dont remember posting about it before, and dont plan to until its finished and I can finalize it. Knowing me itll take quite some time to get it done, but it’s in the works. Good things are coming, yall.

Finally, I want to say thank you to everyone and anyone who has bought my books. I am very touched by all the sales I’ve made, and am considering celebrating them by offering signed books for a price. Would anyone be interested? Or some bookmarks?

I’ve been thinking of holding a contest for my birthday, where I could send out a book to one winner, bookmarks to the second, and something else to the last one. Would anyone be interested in it if it was a writing contest? Or just a “share the page and like” sort of contest? Give me your thoughts! I miss hearing from you all!

I hope you are all very well, and wish you all the best in these hard times ❤

Grieving the Deaths in Nova Scotia as a Pagan

I feel mentally bulldozed in a strange way. For those who haven’t heard the news, us Canadians have just had a major shooting. The last one of this magnitude was a shooting aimed just against women at the Polytechnique school.

It’s one thing to hear of atrocities happening all over the world, and its always stranger when it’s closer to home. Furthermore, I’d like to point out to any American reader that shootings barely ever happen in Canada. When they do, they’re a big fucking deal. We mourn them seriously.

Anyways, this news leaves me feeling strangely – distant? Dissociated? Upset without really knowing why? Part of me has a knee-jerk reaction of ‘Oh, just another shooting in the world’, while the rest of me is very shocked and upset that this happened in my country. That innocent people were killed.

I’m majorly left wondering what to do with myself. Is it appropriate to sit down and write and just ignore the fact that we’ve had a mass murder? Is it appropriate to let this take over my life, when there are so many other deaths in the world?

Balance is key, I suppose, but I am no expert. I’ve heard there is going  to be a national vigil online sometime this Friday (I think). But, again, what would be appropriate to do? What is sensible, in a way caring for yourself without letting the grief take over, as well as honoring the dead of these senseless acts?

I would like to suggest, as a pagan and a polytheist, some ideas for self care and to care for the dead of this massacre.

• Write a letter to your favorite deity, or a deity who specializes in helping the dead pass on (a psychopomp such as Anubis or Saint Michael), asking them to care for the dead and help them find peace after such horrific ends. Burn the letter to transmit it to your deity/spirit of choice.
• Pray to an appropriate deity (Sekhmet? Bast? Ma’at? I’m not quite sure who would be in charge of purifying a soul. Perhaps a Buddhist tradition would have more specific deities for such a purpose.) for the spirit of the attacker to be purified so as to cause no further trouble as a spirit. You can see this as fire burning away the evil in their heart or the anger that may have caused them to commit such actions.
• Light a candle with the intent of it lighting a way/ opening a channel for the dead to find their way. Again, you may consult or ask the aid of a psychopomp for aid in this.
• Write a letter to the deceased in this tragedy and burn it for it to reach them. Offer them your help (within your own limits) and maybe even invite them to a small ritual with candles and a dumb supper. This could be a nice chance to let them talk to you, pour their grief out, and basically process their own death with you.

Remember to take care of yourself! Cleanse and purify your space with incense that gives off a solemn vibe (but nothing too cheerful). Acknowledge your grief, but set the intent that you will carry on in honor of them, not despite them.

If you do have any specific mourning practices in your tradition that you will be performing  to honor these deceased, I’d love to hear them!

 

Photo by Irina Anastasiu on Pexels.com

Depression Tips for Covid 19, Spiritually Speaking

 

Depression sucks. I’ve had bouts of it and gah. It literally felt like the world was grey and bleeding black around me. It was awful. My heart goes out to anyone experiencing depression right now due to the confinement situation, or from their work overload. So, today, while firing up my blog, I thought ‘hey, why not talk about tips for that?’.

I tend to focus on anxiety, because that’s what affects me the most, and I’m under the impression that it’s more common than depression. It’s also the general feeling I’ve been seeing people expressing online about this pandemic.

Yet, anxiety and depression tend to go together for me. Like, if I become very very anxious, depression can kick in. Yes, they can be separate, but as my mood swings are often anxiety based, so then can be my depression. My point is that they can be ‘co-morbid’, that they can go together as a package deal.

I sincerely hope that you, dearest reader, don’t suffer from chronic depression. If you do, I really suggest getting it checked out as soon as possible and get both medication and therapy as much as possible.

But what do you do if it’s ‘just’ the pandemic affecting you? If staying at home is just getting you ‘down’? Well, thankfully, that’s where our spirituality can kick in. We can use our spiritual practices to care for our inner wounds, and to boost us up.

That’s great and all, but how? How exactly can we use our spirituality to boost ourselves?  Well, I’ve compiled a list below. As usual, do what feels best for you and respect yourself and your limits. Also remember that there are hotlines that you can call if the depression gets too bad.

Ideas to combat Depression in the Pandemic:

• Host a spirit party! You can’t have living people over, but what about the dead? What about the spirits? They certainly can’t give or catch ‘the virus’, so have them over!
  • you can make this a solemn affair as in Samhain, if that suits you, but I personally suggest making it more of a party. Throw confetti around, bake a cake, have some alcohol if you drink, and have all your guiding spirits over and eat with them! Read aloud some jokes, fairytales, and do some spirit communication however you feel (tarot, rune castings, trance work, etc).
  • Pro Tip: don’t forget to thank and ‘dismiss’ when you start feeling tired. As any party, don’t exhaust yourself energetically. Respect your limits!
  • Extra Pro Tip: use napkins or disposable plates to serve, to make as little mess/clean up as possible!
• Do divination on a topic that’s not pandemic related. It could be on your garden’s future, your personal development, your psychic powers, what your talents are, and how grandma is doing on the other side. Just anything that’s not pandemic related. The point of this is to see/focus on all the life you still have, on all the projects that will continue beyond the reach of this pandemic.
• Host a dumb supper/silent grieving period for those dying from the pandemic. The point behind this is to express our collective grief due to the pandemic. It’s normal to be upset by what’s happening, and (I think) it’s healthy to express it. This will not only give you a period within which to mourn, but it will also signal an ‘end’ to the mourning, at least for that day.
  • You can make this a daily ritual, depending on how much grief you feel. Say that every day you check the death tolls then find yourself crying. Then, instead of beating yourself up for being upset, make it part of a mourning ritual where you give yourself permission and space and a set amount of time to feel your grief. Then, when the time is over, try your best to move on and change your mind.
  • If you choose a dumb supper, you can lay out plates for the dead of specific regions, or do a specific region per day. Say, you grieve for Italy one day, Iran another, etc.
  • If you don’t have a lot of energy or want something simpler, you can simply burn a candle with the intention that it will guide the dead peacefully along their way to the otherworld.  an example of what one might say is, as lighting the candle “I light this candle, consecrating it to shine its light for those deceased of the COVID-19 pandemic. As this candle burns, a gate between the worlds is open, taking in all the wandering dead due to the pandemic and guiding them home by the light of this candle.”
  • You could also recite prayers for these dead, asking your presiding spirits/ whoever you feel like to take care of the spirits of the deceased due to the pandemic.
    • An example of such a prayer is “I pray to Anubis, Lord of the Dead. Please take those who have died of the plague in your arms. Be gentle with them. Ease their griefs and suffering and that of their loved ones. Weight their hearts gently and ease their passing into the other worlds.”
• Pray to a solar deity to bring light into your life and banish depression. A prayer of this sort could go like: “I pray to Ra, Great God of the Sun. Please shine your light within my mind, within my heart and soul. Chase away the darkness of depression from my mind, heart and soul. Purify and invigorate me!”
  • Pro Tip: leave an offering to your preferred solar deity and engage in not only prayer, but also a deepening of your relationship with them. It can be as simple as putting up a sun picture, or baking them a cake and eating it with them. Just engage with them, and you will probably feel them in your life more!
• Do exercise! Now, exercise is great for boosting the mind, but why not use that energy you’re creating to spread happiness in your home? A way to do this would be to visualize a rune such as Wunjo and imagine it radiating out from you as you exercise, spreading its energy out from you.
• Cleanse and consecrate/charge your crystals to boost your mood. Simply laying them for a few hours in the sunlight, on a piece of paper on which you wrote ‘banish depression!’, can do the trick.
• Obviously, you can burn invigorating incenses (like cinnamon!) or boil potpourri.
• Ring bells to cleanse the air as well.
• Do magical crafts! Ideas include:
  • Overhaul your altar!
  • Sew yourself a ritual robe, or embellish one you already have!
  • Practice a psychic skill.
  • Practice your basic ritual structure, such as circle casting, invoking, evoking, etc.
  • Write in your grimoire or BOS

Then, we have some basic pointers that are less spiritual

• Let in sunlight
• Call friends/relatives
• Read books (especially books on spirituality!)
• Paint/do crafts
• Listen to uplifting music!

 

I hope this was helpful! Please take care of yourself and yours and have a great day! Lots of love to you all! ❤

Photo by Elly Fairytale on Pexels.com

Step 7 ~ Make a Dedication

Now is the time where you will dedicate yourself to your healing path. A dedication can be very simple or elaborate, depending upon your abilities and what you feel will work for you.

In the past, I’ve always found it tempting to do great and elaborate rituals, yet I never found those to be useful for me, magically speaking. As a mentally ill person, I never had the mental resources to do more than plan out a ritual. Even that, depending on my state, could be too much. So instead I ended up doing very simple things, such as tying a red string to my finger to remember to use my service dog and to rely upon her instead of trying to be independent.

The point of this dedication is to mark the beginning of your healing efforts -> to yourself. You’ll want it to have two parts. One will be a large piece that will ‘contain’ and ‘radiate’ all the energy and hope you’re putting into this. It will serve to remind you or why you’re doing this, how you’re doing it, and what methods you’re trying to use. Hopefully it will inspire you and encourage you to keep going when the going gets tough. I’m thinking something like a large collage in your home, or even a shelf that you decorate, complete with the deities that you will call upon for healing, etc.But it can be as simple as a picture of a beach or nature or a deity. Whatever works for you.

The second part will be a small piece that you will wear upon yourself or carry with you, to remind you of the commitment you’ve made. It could be a simple bead, a ring, or even a string tied (not too tightly) to your finger. The idea here is a reminder that will accompany you tangibly through your struggles. Again, choose something that will work for you. Maybe an image of a bird, free and flying without fear. Maybe a meditating figure, serene and calm.

So once you know what images or objects, crystals, herbs, etc, you want to use as your two dedication pieces, how do you go about making them? Here’s how I suggest going about it.

1. Design your objects. Take a few days to think on it, sketch it out, and sleep on it. Make sure it’s something that’ll be meaningful, but don’t worry about it not being ‘meaningful enough’. You can always redo this ritual later if you feel it’s not meaningful enough.
   • Pro tip: on the larger of the two objects, plan a space for you to place markers of your successes. It can be a hand to place flowers in, empty space to glue up pictures, etc. Just remember that you will have victories and that you will want to commemorate them, which will help you on your path!
2. Pick a time where you will not be disturbed and feel calm and collected
3. Gather all your materials to your work space
4. Cleanse your space however your tradition dictates. If you have no tradition, I suggest wafting around your favorite burning incense (air and fire) and then to sprinkle salt water around (earth and water). I suggest doing this in a circular motion around the space you will be using, as much as possible.
5. Summon your higher self, deity, mother earth, grigori, etc. Ask them for their aid in performing this ritual. Don’t summon an entire pantheon! Summon just those who you feel called to or who you think are necessary.  If you are unsure of who to summon at all, use a summoning like this “I call upon those spirits or beings who guide and love me, who wish to aid me in my healing path, to be here now and to aid me’.
6. If you feel up to it, cast a circle according to your traditions/beliefs. If you’re not up to it, don’t.
7. Meditate upon what you are going to make, and ask the spirits/higher self how they think it should be done. If you get sudden urges or ideas that seem particularly nice, it could be them speaking.
   • If your inspiration seems overly ‘weird’ or ‘out there’ or bizarre, just don’t do it. In my experience, these were not divinely inspired, just the result of my weird brain doing its thing.
8. Calmly, thank the spirits for their insight and guidance. Trust that they are with you, and begin making your objects without judgment. Remember that this is not a beauty contest. It’s all about the result having meaning and power for you.
9. When you are done (or done for the moment), consecrate the objects. Hold them in your hands (or hold your hands above them) and dedicate them to your healing.
   • For both objects you can say something like “I dedicate this ___ (object one and two) to aid me in my healing, to remind me of my path in healing, and to channel inner guidance to me when I most need it. Please __ (deities or higher self) bless and consecrate it to guide and strengthen me on my path to healing.”
   • If your tradition has specific ways to ‘bring something to life’, you can use those methods. Options are the ‘laying in darkness’ used by the nordic paths to then ‘birth’ the named object into the light, simply naming it and willing it to be awake and ready, or blessign it with the four elements, or burying it out into the earth to then be ‘birthed’  when you dig it up.
10. Thank you deities/higher self and dismiss/say goodbye in whatever formal terms you wish to use. My favorite is ‘stay if you will, go if you must’. If you can’t remember phrases to save your life, a simple thank you and ‘I’m going to clean up now’ works fine as well.
11. Clean your work space. Take the time to put everything away and clean up as much as possible. Don’t consider this a ‘chore’, but see it as part of the ritual, an essential sacred thing. Take it as a chance to see yourself putting order into your world.
12. Now that you have your objects ready to aid and guide you, place them in their dedicated space. You will want to begin immediately keeping the smaller one near you and the larger one in its space in your home.
13. Rest, relax, and return to normal space and frame of mind. Rest, eat ‘cakes and ale’ (something nutritious and something hydrating), and return to your normal state of being.
14. Once you feel grounded and well, acknowledge what you have done. Take stock of it, and realize that now you are embarking onto your path of healing, officially. From this moment on, you are walking that path. Congratulate yourself mindfully.
15. Declare your intention to heal to those around you whom you trust. You can call it ‘putting it out there’ into the universe. Share with them whatever you feel comfortable sharing, be it just your intention to heal, to including how you want to do it and even which healers or doctors you wish to see. Just let them know that you’re trying to heal. It may encourage them to support you in the future, or at least explain what you’re trying to do.

Step 6 ~ Make a Budget

Now this is a step that depends upon your location and what treatment method you’ve chosen. Say, if you live in Canada (like me) and choose to take conventional medicine (like me), you won’t have to pay for most of your medication. However, a budget is still an important thing to have. Suppose you want to also try a natural remedy, such as St John’s Wort (remember to not mix it with medication unless your doctor approves). And suppose, while going to the store, you’re suggested this awesome therapy from a local reiki teacher, and you see a flyer for a funky new kind of yoga and and and… you see where I’m going? Not only do you have to pick and choose your treatment methods, but you also have to set a financial limit.

This can be VERY IMPORTANT if you’re trying alternative therapies. They can get expensive very, very, fast. You can also be desperate and end up trying everything all at once (not recommended either).

So before you pick out what treatment you want to start with, make yourself a functional budget.

Now, if you have trouble doing this, and you’re really not sure how much of what you should be spending where, call for help. Contact a friend, a social worker from the mental health clinic, or at the very least take a sample budget online and adjust it to your means.

But remember -> allocate a reasonable amount towards your mental health rehabilitation. You still need to eat. You still need to pay rent. You can only afford so much, and what you have is what you have. Be reasonable and honest with yourself.

Once you’ve made a budget, again, change your mind. Budgets are stressful, and you may not have a lot of money to spend on yourself. Try doing something free and fun to change your mind. Go to a local library, go for a walk, do some yoga, meditate or pray.

Step 2 – Describe your Worldview in regards to Mental Illness

As a pagan, I can only speak for myself and my own world-view and philosophy. I hope you can draw some things from it to inform your own worldview. So I’m going to tell you what goes through my mind now, when I wonder whether I have a ‘problem’.

I think the first thing to do, before even wondering whether we have a ‘problem’, is to look at how we perceive mental health ‘problems’. Do we even acknowledge that they exist? Do we see them as ‘those people’? Chances are, if you’re not willing to acknowledge that mental illness is a thing and that it’s perfectly normal, you won’t want to see it in yourself.

First and foremost, what is a mental illness? I view mental illness as a chemical imbalance in the brain that causes us problems. That’s it. Why those chemicals are imbalanced can be due to traumatic events, genetics, stress, or whathaveyou.

Now, in my opinion there’s nothing wrong with mental illness in a moral sense. I don’t see it carrying bad ‘vibes’ to it. I don’t see it as a source or symptom of moral ‘sin’ or impurity. To me, it’s a condition like a broken leg, except in the brain tissue. It’s a health care issue like any other. It isn’t a sign of not being ‘close enough to nature’ or ‘zen’ enough. To me, mental illness isn’t an aberration from nature. It’s very natural, just as much as a broken leg and rot and mold are all part of nature. Sickness is part of nature -> but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try and heal it.

I don’t view medication as morally ‘bad’ or aberrations from nature. I view them as being the domain of the gods of healing and science, put simply.  I don’t see a ‘big, evil’ in western medicine when Done Properly. I don’t think that one ‘should’ avoid psychiatric medication, as if it is some sort of ‘sin’ to take it. I think that western medicine, when ‘Done Properly’ in a holistic blend with therapy, psychologists, etc, is very helpful.

So. Now that you’ve read my (very short and concentrated) view on mental illness, I suggest you write out your own. Take a piece of paper or a digital document, and write down

1. what is a mental illness?
2. What causes it?
3. what are its implications in a spiritual/magical sense?
4. How, morally or magically, ‘should’ one try and heal a mental illness? What if that doesn’t work? What then?

You might feel compelled to argue with me, to copy me, or to write something drastically different. But the point here is for you to write what you sincerely believe in. Do you really think that psychiatric medication is a ‘sin’? Good to know. Write that down. It’s going to inform your future choices, so be aware of it.

Now, now that you know what you believe, the next step is to decide if you, according to yourself and only you, have a mental health problem. But that’s the next blog post. For now, pat yourself on the back. You’ve taken time to get to know yourself better, and that’s worth every moment you spent on it.

Step 1 – What You Need to Know

What does one need to know in order to get better? So often, I see ‘courses’ on healing and books proclaiming this or that ‘technique’ for healing.

I don’t believe you need to ‘know’ anything in an intellectual way in order to heal. Do we need to sit down with our bodies and say ‘Okay, now, you see that paper cut? Well, we got to clot it first, then we got to mend all that tissue, with a bit of scarring afterwards. Here’s how to do it-‘. Fuck no! We don’t do that!

So what’s so different about mental illness? Why is everyone proposing all these things to ‘know’ in order to ‘heal’?

Here’s the thing: you will heal, if you want to. You just have to want to. Your body – and your brain – know how to do it all by yourself. The trick is the same as with a paper cut. Clean the wound, bind it, and let the mind/body do its work.

Sure, sometimes we need a surgery to remove a tumor – like a psychologist walking us through a bad trauma. Other times we need medication to help.

I guess my point is that healing yourself shouldn’t be rocket science. Yeah, it’s difficult and painful, but our bodies know how to do it. It will tell us, if we observe, what it needs.  We know how to do this, and we have marvelous tools at our disposal. It hurts, but it’s possible.

I guess that’s why I’m going for a ‘framework’ for healing and not a healing ‘course’. Y’all don’t need to be taught how to heal, you just need to understand how to help yourself by doing things like cleaning the wound and bandaging it. Thankfully, lots of these things are really simple. The whole point is to do it with intention and with the actual desire to heal. This, however, brings us to our next post on the topic, which is “Acknowledging you have a problem”. I may or may not write this up in the next few days. I will definitely try and post it within a week. Take care y’all.

 

Ways to Self-Care (ideas)

I need to be kinder with myself. Lately, I’ve been pushing myself to do so much, to perform so well, that I’ve been overlooking my successes and beating myself up mentally. I want to work on my novels, draw pictures, work on my birdie books, all that in the same day as well as functioning like a non-disabled person. Which I know I can’t do. I just can’t. I don’t have that many functioning hours.

Today we went out to get my meds and I was so anxious 😦 it makes me see just how bad my bad days lately have been. It makes me feel like I still need a service dog. Even just sitting in the car while my wifey drove (which I normally can do without stressing) was making me anxious. Because, hark! Curves were coming up! What if we took the ditch? Yikes! It was depressing.

However, once we got home and I realized this, I’ve decided to be gentler on myself. So I’m going to only do what I can do, and celebrate that. But how? Like, I can sit here and be all ‘yeah, I’mma be kinder with myself’, but what steps can a person actually take to be kinder on themselves? Here are my steps that I’m going to (try) and do in the next little while.

• Set more realistic goals.
  • I tend to overdo it on the goals thing. I want so much done, and I want it all done well, and super fast. But life and disability doesn’t work that way. So I need to aim for less, so that I can actually succeed.
• Listen to my needs.
  • Maybe not cut out all the sugar. Maybe allow myself some sugar, to, you know, live. Lately I’ve been on a ‘I must lose weight’ binge, which is actually really stressful. I need to get a better relationship with food.
• Take concrete time to rest.
  • For me, I think I should rest more in the mornings. I have no concrete ‘rest’ time. I keep telling myself that I’ll rest in the evenings, but that’s when I do my writing, so… I have no down time.
• Not overload myself.
  • I have a new commission coming along, as well as one underfoot, as well as all my writing… I sense that things can pile on quickly! Thankfully, nothing has definite due dates. In order to help with my workload, I’ve been very transparent that the artworks will take time. So far, no pressure, and I’m getting them done. But I need to keep that ‘no pressure’ and not heap too many more things onto myself.

I think, really, that the most important thing when it comes to self-care is to break it down into concrete steps, whatever that means for you. For me, this is enough structure, but for others it may involve more strict scheduling, complete with agenda markings and reminder stickers. But the important thing is to have steps. To know how you will take care of yourself, because if you just ‘wing it’, you might not get it done at all, and with self-care that just shouldn’t happen. You really need to take care of yourself, be it by taking pajama days or having a nice coffee date with yourself every so often!

Well, I hope this has been helpful to some people. For me, I find it useful to put my ideas out there and write them down. So, hopefully this will mark a new period of self-care and less self-imposed stress!

 

I’ve Got the Power! (Electricity is Back)

Whoot Whoot! After almost five days straight of no power, my household finally has power!

What happened? Well, there was a windstorm and the Hydro company was ill prepared. Almost a million Quebecers were out of power, me included. Some had more serious damage than others, and my road fell into the category of “we don’t have the equipment necessary to fix this right away”, so our road waited, and waited, and waited.

We even got snow this morning! The first snow of the season 🙂

My household is so very lucky that we have a wood stove! Without it, it would have been very terrible. It was already terrible enough having to scrounge for scrap wood in the backyard, nevermind all the other minor fiascos of going without power completely unprepared.

So yes, that has been my drama. I have taken the opportunity to reflect on adversities as growing challenges, as they are put forth in “The Book of Joy” by the Dalai Lama, Archbishop Desmond Tutu, and Douglas Abrams (I think). Seriously, that book is a gem. I read a chapter and it helps me feel so zen, so right. It really has helped me a ton lately. I recommend it for anyone looking to get some perspective on how their mind works.

But what does this MEAN?! What’s the final take home point? -> I am going to be back to posting! After being brought a copy of my own book to sign (SQUEAL!) I am now super motivated to continue not just with my novels but with the TwoLoveBirds as well (They can be followed Here). So look forward to more content!

Lightning wanting more wuv

A Pagan Framework for Healing/Coping with Mental Illness ~ How to Help Out a Friend (Part Two)

Hi everyone, and welcome to part two. Part one can be found HERE, if you haven’t read it already. I want to thank everyone who came out and read this and offered kind words, as well as all of you who offer support to those of us in a rough patch. Keep up the love, y’all!

As always, if you see something you like here, or have an idea, let me know and drop a comment! I love chatting with people, especially about mental health.

• Help with the dishes. For people who become low-functional due to anxiety, depression, etc., dishes are often the first thing to show signs of neglect. Now, the whole place will usually also be messy/dirty. But here’s the thing -> for starters, do ONLY the dishes. Why?
  • Doing too much cleaning may overwhelm your sensitive friend.
  • It may humiliate them, causing them to be unwilling to reach out again.
  • How do you offer this? Do NOT throw your hands in the air and declare their place a mess. In my experience, just pretend it’s all kind of normal, unless it’s a health hazard. This will make them more comfortable to have you help them with this one aspect of their life.
    • Step One. Manage to get yourself invited/welcomed in for coffee/chats. Then just sort of hang around their kitchen and say something like “Hey, mind if I do the dishes?” If they say yes, just don’t comment on anything, invite them to draw up a chair and chat with you while you wash. If they say no, Step Two. “Well, I’d like to help you out. Let me do them, please.” Now, depending on how well you know the person, you may gently point out that they don’t seem so good and that you want to give them a break. If they still say no, don’t push it. Maybe they’re too overwhelmed to deal with someone cleaning. Maybe the noise and action will be too much.
    • Pro tip: If you are multiple people, one person can take your sick friend out for a coffee/nature walk/sit with them in the living room while you go nuts cleaning the kitchen. Keep your sick friend as far away from the cleaning as possible. Now I say this because just watching someone else do the dishes can not only be humiliating, but as I’ve said before, stressful and overwhelming. You don’t want that. You want them to relax, have a positive experience, and poof! Clean sink. -> making it a positive experience will make it easier for them to allow you to come over and do it again.
    • Extra Pro Tip: Use the dishsoap. By this I mean, those dishes are going to be gunky. They’ve been sitting there a while (longer than you want to know!). You may need X amount of soap on your own dishes, well, use 2X on theirs. Trust me, when I was really bad, people kept underestimating the filth on my dishes and I actually once had to REWASH dishes because they hadn’t washed them properly. If they’re short on dish soap, bring some. Just – make sure they’re extra clean.
• Coloring books! Are they artsy but too tired/in a flunk? Bring over some of their favourite mediums (pens, pencils, crayons, markers, etc) and grab some adult coloring books. I’m not joking, these can help. It seems all hokey to the more normal people out there, but when you’re really not feeling well, these things can be a great way to focus and calm down. Now don’t just show up and ninja chuck the coloring books at your friend/relative. Make it a recurring activity! You two can go shopping together (remember the blocking tips in part one) or shop online for them, or they can pick them out and you can go pick them up at the store. Get them involved and get them excited/looking forward to this! Make it fun! Then, once you have them,  arrange a time (maximum three hours. More like one to two because longer will exhaust them) where you can sit together with nice drinks and just color. This is a good time to talk about light things as well as serious things, for coloring helps avoid eye contact and gives a fidget to do while speaking, and the act of having something to do excuses slower speaking.
  • Pro tip: get coloring books that theme with their favourite hobbies or movies. There’s even supernatural (the TV show) one out there, as well as unicorn ones. Get whatever they like, no shame.
  • Pro tip: use the fact it’s trendy as an excuse to do it, and their love of art as a way to bond.
  • Example: “Hey, have you heard about those adult coloring books? I’ve heard they have a [favourite hobby] one! Why don’t we get some? We can sit together after class and relax with them.”
• Do some exercise with them. Exercise helps as much as an antidepressant according to some studies (I think, off the top of my head, no sources here). So do some exercise with them. If they, like me, are going to go into sensory overload at a gym, try these instead
  • The aforementioned nature walk, but slightly more intense. Make it a nature hike.
  • Pick out some yoga tutorials online and throw your mats down at home.
  • Pick out some HIIT exercise tutorials online and try them together.
  • Pick out some tai chi exercise tutorials online and try them together.
  • If either of you know enough, build your own at-home exercise routine, and do it together!
  • The point is, exercise at home, in a safe space, with medium level music (if any). Be encouraging. Help them clear out a space for exercise prior to the exercise (remember, mental health = messy home usually), or bring them to your place.
  • Reward yourselves for the good activity. eat some fruit, buy yourselves a magazine or a song, or even just a high five and a ‘yeah, we did it!’. Be energized, and encourage them.
  • Wind down with them. Make sure they’re okay after the exercise and don’t have a mood crash right after. Chill a little. Not too long, just make sure you don’t run out right after the exercises are done.
• Meditate with them. Now this one’s tricky because meditation is pretty personal. But you can try something generic, like a loving-kindness meditation. Try short sessions, like five minutes.
  • Remember that meditation can sometimes cause unhappy things to surface, as well as a chance for symptoms to manifest. Be prepared for them to have a mini meltdown.
  • Be prepared as well for a depressed take on the meditation. For them to not feel ‘good enough’ or like they did it ‘wrong’. Read up about the basics of meditation and how it’s just a matter of persistence.
  • Steer clear of any kundalini rising meditations and energy work like that, at least at the beginning. Meditation can cause short term psychosis to manifest itself. So, in order to recognize symptoms of a breakout, avoid spiritual exercises that could also cause strange effects. Focus on your breath, or something similarly safe.
  • Meditation has so many known benefits, you can use that as an excuse to breach the activity. Example: “I’ve been feeling stressed lately, want to meditate with me?” That way, you don’t focus on their illness and it makes them feel less like it’s you caring for them.
  • Make it as ritualized as possible. Ring a bell beforehand, play some zen music, and use a gentle timer to ring you both out of it when the time’s up. This will help create a sense of routine, and make it easier to get into with practice.
• Pray with them. If you are of similar faiths, take a moment and help them pray. During illnesses, we depend much more upon our faith than when we weren’t ill. But sometimes the words are lacking, sometimes we don’t feel worthy enough, and sometimes we just can’t focus. Hold hands together and pray to a common deity/their favorite deity.
  • Pro tip: agree upon what you’re praying for first. If you’re a writer/poet, write it down with them, then hold hands together and recite together. Or, you lead and they repeat. Or you recite/pray out loud, and they hold respectful silence.
  • Don’t make it just about their illness. Draw attention to other things they care about, as a way to gently remind them that there is other things in their lives. So, pray for their garden’s good fruits, for the sea turtles that are their totem animals, for the good health of their niece.
• Hold ritual with them. Have they been able to keep up their magical hygiene lately? When I was really bad, I couldn’t lead a ritual to save my life, but that didn’t mean I didn’t want to. I had all kinds of magical projects! So, offer to do a ritual with them. It could be for the upcoming sabbat, the full moon, or a healing, grounding, or crafting ritual.
  • If you’ve never hosted ritual together before, start with something generic like a holy day ritual preferably. Share this space together. See what makes them comfortable. Do they want you to do everything while they sit in circle? Do you lead and they repeat after you? Find out what they’re currently able to do, and go from there. Don’t overwhelm them with chores and keep the energy down as well. Aim for something more low-key than a pumped up shamanic trance.
  • From there, work up to doing more personal rituals. Helping them do healing rituals, for example. Helping them cleanse their house after a particularly bad breakdown. Whatever you do, don’t overstep your welcome into their spiritual life. Make sure to help with the physical part of the activities and the organization, but not necessarily to tell them what it means/interpret their gods for them.
• Give them a hug, if they’re comfortable with that. Some people need cuddles, too. If you’re comfortable with that, just hugging for a long time can help someone feel appreciated and balanced more. But make sure you respect everyone’s boundaries, including your own.