Step 4 – Pick a Treatment Method

Now is when you refer back to your self-research you did on how you believe in treating mental illness. Now is the time to figure out how you want to treat yourself.

Start by clearing your mind of things such as fears and anxieties. Don’t let fear make your decisions for you, but rather what you truly believe in. You can do a small meditation, cleanse the air with incense, ring a bell a few times, and ground yourself.

Then, once you feel ready emotionally and your mind is clear, set yourself to this particular task.

Don’t get bogged down in the details of treating your symptoms, such as ‘how do I manage to take the bus?’. Think of the bigger picture here, and of your values.  Answer these questions.

  • Do I want to take medication?
  • Do I want to be followed by a doctor?
  • Do I want to check into a mental health ward?
  • Do I want to do therapy, see a psychologist, attend support groups, etc?
  • Do I want to try by altering my nutrition intake/diet?
  • Do I want to try ‘alternative’ treatments, such as naturopaths, aromatherapy, etc?
  • Do I want to heal only via ‘spiritual’ techniques, like aura cleansing, rituals, etc?
  • What do I have the means to do?

Once you’ve answered these questions, you should have a better picture of how you want to treat yourself. Now that you’ve made a list of what kind of treatment you want, the time has come to consult your tarot/spirits/inner archetypes.

First, do whatever rituals you feel necessary to dispel any negative energy/miasma that this activity may have caused you, and try and achieve a positive space for your readings. Then, when you feel ready and all your crystals are in place, do readings on your preferred treatment options. Ask them (whoever that is for you, be it deities or your inner selves) what they think about your treatment options.

Again, be honest. Write down without judgement or fear what comes to you. They may very well contradict what you want. Avoid questions fueled from fear and focus on ones that pinpoint which treatment options are best for you and lead to your healing. Questions may be ‘will checking in to the local psychiatric ward help heal me?’ if you are using a yes or no option or a two situation outcome reading, or ‘what is the most plausible outcome on my mental health if I was to check into the psychiatric ward?’.

The important thing is to face the situations here head on. Don’t be afraid of what answers your divination will bring you. Let it flow, and let them say what they have to say, without you judging them.

Then, when you’ve asked about all your possible treatment options, even the ones you’re not fond of, close the divination session. This is important. You want to be the one to make your decisions, not them. You are the responsible one here, and you don’t want a million voices clouding your judgement.

Close your ritual/seance/reading, and take a moment to ground yourself. Close your eyes and relax into a small meditation, or take a brisk walk out of doors if you are able. Whatever method you choose, reground into yourself and who you are. Then, move on to the next step.

Now you will take your choices and compare it to the reading/divination results. Now is the time to acknowledge what terrifies you (you can take a sheet of paper for that as well) but also to compare your thoughts with the wisdom you’ve been offered.

An IMPORTANT NOTE HERE: If your reading feels wonky/inconsistent/unreliable, and unusual to you, -> CHUCK IT. The point being, if it’s not something you’re willing to stick beside and that you really feel is right according to your spirits, don’t use it. Do another reading on another day or get someone else to do the reading for you.

Sometimes we’re too close to the matter to do a reading for ourselves and it gets all jumbled. That’s okay. Sometimes our fears are so strong they cloud the reading and that’s okay too. The important thing it to take a moment and use our discernment here. Is this a reading we are willing to stick by? If no, and it feels weird to you, chuck it. If yes, and it feels like painful truths, then continue.

Now, drawing upon the wisdom of your divinations and your own desires that you wrote down at the beginning of this exercise, make a new sheet. Be fair and take into consideration both what you want, but also what the spirits/inner self thinks is best for you. Really, only you can choose between the two, but you have to make a choice. Lucky you if what you and the spirits wants aligns! But if not, then you’ve got decisions to make.

Once you’ve made the decisions, write them down one by one. Then, stick that to your fridge or somewhere visible. Bring it to your doctor if you want. These are the kinds of treatments you’re willing to try, and that’s your decision for the time being. You’ve chosen your path.

If you’ve gotten this far, good job. If not, good job for trying, take a deep breath, and try again on a better day.

I strongly suggest that you take some time to rest and cleanse yourself emotionally after this. Dealing with treatment options can be terrifying and stressful, so cleanse yourself, shower, go for a nature walk, or nap to resource yourself. Don’t forget to congratulate yourself as well for taking your health into your hands. Good job!

Step 3 – Identify the ‘Problems’

What is wrong? What is not right in your life? What’s bothering you – or others?

Here is the part where you sit down with a sense of responsibility and rake in all the evidence from trusted sources. Too often we think we’re “fine”, but others can clearly see differently. Trusted friends and family are key here. Take their advice, the advice of professionals, and make wise decisions.

But suppose you have no one you can trust? What do you do? How does one gauge if things such as anxiety is ‘really’ a problem or not?

Here’s what I suggest to do, in this order.

  1. Well, like with most situations, I suggest heartfelt prayer first.
    • Don’t get caught in trappings of frivolous prayers.
    • Ask for discernment, illumination on the path to healing, and advice.
    • You don’t have to repeat. If you say it with heart once, the gods will have heard you, I’m sure.
  2. Once you’ve prayed, do some divination (or better yet, have it done for you so there is less pressure on your shoulders in the interpretation). The idea here is that you’ve asked for stuff to be sent to you (help in discernment, etc), now you’re trying to receive their advice.
    • use your tarot, runes, oracle cards, etc, asking questions such as “what is hindering me mentally?” “What should I focus on healing now?”
    • Remain open to all options. Write down what you receive or intuit, and set that aside.
  3. Make a list of what you struggle with or avoid doing daily or even weekly -> in an independent or solitary way. Say you can’t imagine taking the bus alone, but you’re not really hindered because you always have friends to go with you -> you’re still hindered because you can’t do it independently. Choose concrete things, such as taking the bus, going to the grocery store, leaving doors unlocked, etc.
  4. Now make a list of what you struggle with mentally. Write down all the niggly things. Anything you think ‘might’ be a problem. Write down even the things that you don’t think are worth taking into consideration, that aren’t ‘such a big deal’.
  5. Now compare the two lists. The point here is to realize which mental health problem/symptoms is crippling your daily activity, and to what extent. Look at each thing that’s giving you a hard time in your life (such as taking the bus) and honestly ask yourself what’s the symptom behind that. Is it anxiety? Paranoia? Chances are, if it’s impacting your daily life, it’s a problem that’s worth tackling. Highlight, circle, or make an entirely new list of the problems that affect your daily functioning.
  6. Now, compare this list with your divination. Here is where you make a final list of what appears in at least two of these lists. These are your target problems.
  7. Rank your problems from most to least incapacitating. Then, also rank them from easiest to hardest to ‘fix’. These will help you make your ‘game plan’ (which is the next post).

But for now, take a moment, have a deep breath, and pat yourself on the back. You’ve discovered what problems you have, and that’s a big step.

Now, these two lists that you’ve finished with are far from a diagnosis. They’re just you targeting things that are problematic for you. I strongly suggest that you take a moment here, with your lists, and try and make sure that you’ve targeted as much the ‘root’ of everything.

Say, for example, taking the bus is difficult for you. Finding the root would be to localize the anxiety, paranoia, or obsession behind this problem. Always look for what is the root.

Mental health problems are like bad weeds -> the roots can be three feet deep, going on and on through different levels of your psyche. But unless you dig up that root, they’ll just keep coming back in different plants/disguises. So, say you’ve managed to conquer the bus but you didn’t treat  your anxiety per se, so instead of worrying about the bus, you worry about taxis instead.

Mental health problems are complex, and there are many layers and complexities to each unique problem. Think again of trees and weeds (because we are pagans and that’s what we do, haha). In a book called ‘the secret life of trees’, Peter Wohlleben shows that trees actually support each other through their root systems, trading nutrition and water (I think that’s what he said anyways, I read the book a while ago). So my point here is that one problem can do just that, feeding off and supporting another (which is called ‘co-morbid’ in psychiatrist speech). So maybe instead of just digging up one problem at a time, it feels like you’re digging them all up at once. This is because they are probably entwined at the root. But just like digging up a nest of weeds, you have to start with one at a time, and dig up the whole plot of messy roots.

So now that you’ve made your lists, I suggest taking a break. Let it go, forget about it. One step is enough per day, in my opinion. Take a cleansing bath, purify and cleanse the area you made your lists in, and change your mind (garden, watch a show, read a book, etc). Focus on other things in your life, such as things that you can still comfortably perform without running up against your mental health problems.

Step 2 – Describe your Worldview in regards to Mental Illness

As a pagan, I can only speak for myself and my own world-view and philosophy. I hope you can draw some things from it to inform your own worldview. So I’m going to tell you what goes through my mind now, when I wonder whether I have a ‘problem’.

I think the first thing to do, before even wondering whether we have a ‘problem’, is to look at how we perceive mental health ‘problems’. Do we even acknowledge that they exist? Do we see them as ‘those people’? Chances are, if you’re not willing to acknowledge that mental illness is a thing and that it’s perfectly normal, you won’t want to see it in yourself.

First and foremost, what is a mental illness? I view mental illness as a chemical imbalance in the brain that causes us problems. That’s it. Why those chemicals are imbalanced can be due to traumatic events, genetics, stress, or whathaveyou.

Now, in my opinion there’s nothing wrong with mental illness in a moral sense. I don’t see it carrying bad ‘vibes’ to it. I don’t see it as a source or symptom of moral ‘sin’ or impurity. To me, it’s a condition like a broken leg, except in the brain tissue. It’s a health care issue like any other. It isn’t a sign of not being ‘close enough to nature’ or ‘zen’ enough. To me, mental illness isn’t an aberration from nature. It’s very natural, just as much as a broken leg and rot and mold are all part of nature. Sickness is part of nature -> but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try and heal it.

I don’t view medication as morally ‘bad’ or aberrations from nature. I view them as being the domain of the gods of healing and science, put simply.  I don’t see a ‘big, evil’ in western medicine when Done Properly. I don’t think that one ‘should’ avoid psychiatric medication, as if it is some sort of ‘sin’ to take it. I think that western medicine, when ‘Done Properly’ in a holistic blend with therapy, psychologists, etc, is very helpful.

So. Now that you’ve read my (very short and concentrated) view on mental illness, I suggest you write out your own. Take a piece of paper or a digital document, and write down

  1. what is a mental illness?
  2. What causes it?
  3. what are its implications in a spiritual/magical sense?
  4. How, morally or magically, ‘should’ one try and heal a mental illness? What if that doesn’t work? What then?

You might feel compelled to argue with me, to copy me, or to write something drastically different. But the point here is for you to write what you sincerely believe in. Do you really think that psychiatric medication is a ‘sin’? Good to know. Write that down. It’s going to inform your future choices, so be aware of it.

Now, now that you know what you believe, the next step is to decide if you, according to yourself and only you, have a mental health problem. But that’s the next blog post. For now, pat yourself on the back. You’ve taken time to get to know yourself better, and that’s worth every moment you spent on it.

Step 1 – What You Need to Know

What does one need to know in order to get better? So often, I see ‘courses’ on healing and books proclaiming this or that ‘technique’ for healing.

I don’t believe you need to ‘know’ anything in an intellectual way in order to heal. Do we need to sit down with our bodies and say ‘Okay, now, you see that paper cut? Well, we got to clot it first, then we got to mend all that tissue, with a bit of scarring afterwards. Here’s how to do it-‘. Fuck no! We don’t do that!

So what’s so different about mental illness? Why is everyone proposing all these things to ‘know’ in order to ‘heal’?

Here’s the thing: you will heal, if you want to. You just have to want to. Your body – and your brain – know how to do it all by yourself. The trick is the same as with a paper cut. Clean the wound, bind it, and let the mind/body do its work.

Sure, sometimes we need a surgery to remove a tumor – like a psychologist walking us through a bad trauma. Other times we need medication to help.

I guess my point is that healing yourself shouldn’t be rocket science. Yeah, it’s difficult and painful, but our bodies know how to do it. It will tell us, if we observe, what it needs.  We know how to do this, and we have marvelous tools at our disposal. It hurts, but it’s possible.

I guess that’s why I’m going for a ‘framework’ for healing and not a healing ‘course’. Y’all don’t need to be taught how to heal, you just need to understand how to help yourself by doing things like cleaning the wound and bandaging it. Thankfully, lots of these things are really simple. The whole point is to do it with intention and with the actual desire to heal. This, however, brings us to our next post on the topic, which is “Acknowledging you have a problem”. I may or may not write this up in the next few days. I will definitely try and post it within a week. Take care y’all.

 

My (attempted) Program for Paganism and Mental Health Recovery

The other day, someone arrived at my home unexpected and uninvited. It was a relative who had just had their first panic attack. I was not home, but my wife was, and they spoke and relaxed, and the person felt better. The next day they came by to see me and we spoke, relaxed and chatted, and I tried to give them advice on getting better. After they left, however, I felt compelled to keep up my series on mental health. I couldn’t help but think ‘what would I tell a fellow pagan as steps to get better?’. This got my wheels turning, and I finally sat down today to jot down some ideas.

I wish I could make up an awesome 13-step (because why not 13?) reforming program for pagans that would magically cure everyone. Maybe I’ll be able to. Maybe I won’t. But at least I’ll have tried.

What would make a pagan perspective on reforming from mental illness unique? I think there are many ideas involved in paganism that, when applied, make for a completely different perspective on recovery. These may be, but are not limited to: beliefs on magic and magical influences upon the body by external forces and from within, beliefs in external spiritual beings who may influence the person and/or their lives and life events, beliefs in crystals, beliefs in healing through nature, beliefs in ritual practices, belief in Jungian principles, beliefs regarding spiritual purity, and so on and so forth.

When taken into context, these perspectives can really help guide a person’s recovery, and even create a framework within which to recover. But, seeing as paganism is quite diverse and everyone believes differently upon such topics (even within branches) my goal is not to tell someone what to believe in order to get better, but rather to guide them on how to use their own beliefs to get better. I’d like to provide a framework that can apply to most pagans to better their lives and mental health, irrespective of their differing beliefs.

So yeah, I’m going to try and do that. Wish me luck, comment if there’s a particular problem you’d like me to discuss, and let’s do this!

Holocaust Memorial Day~ My Tiny Story

Here in Canada, it is Holocaust Memorial Day. This day hurts me, and I think it should hurt everyone. Not only is this a day of remembrance towards racism and ableism but it is also a day to mourn and be aware, to share our stories.

As some of you know, I live with mental illness. Schizophrenia runs in my family but I have mercifully not been touched by it. I do, however, dissociate into near-psychosis due to my stress disorders (a situation that is now much better than it was before!). I am what you could call a ‘compliant’ patient. I try my best and show positive results. My Grandmother on my maternal side was not. She was schizophrenic, and seen as dangerous. When it came out that she was schizophrenic, she was forcefully institutionalized and given electroshock therapy, among other things. Her newborn child was taken from her for a decade to be raised by relatives. Worse, she was forcefully sterilized. Now, this may not seem like a big thing to us nowadays, but she was a devout Catholic who wanted more children. For her being sterilized was a grand sin.

I know much worse things have happened to others, yet the suffering of my grandmother reaches me intensely. This woman suffered inside and out, being abused physically while being tortured by her own mind. I know much worse would have happened to her if she were in another country, yet it simultaneously blows my mind that there was forced sterilization happening in Canada, who is always portrayed as being on the ‘good side’ of history.

So, while we pray and think of all the Jews and those of ‘less desirable’ ethnicities who were murdered, I would like us to also remember those disabled folks who were murdered and sterilized as well. Myself, I will be praying for their souls to find peace today, and hope you will be too.

Praying the Rosary?

As with so many of my spiritual bursts, it started with a dream. I dreamed of Buddhas and Christian icons, particularly a little wooden one of Jesus, and rosaries. When I woke up I went ‘ah’, and continued on my day.

But I kept thinking of rosaries. And so, the other day, I picked them up and was like ‘okay, what am I supposed to be doing with these?’. Well, as a pagan I wasn’t completely comfortable with them for the longest time, but then the other day I went ‘oh fuck it’, and decided to pray the rosary in the most Catholic of ways.

Well, it was nice. It was comforting, if a bit difficult to manage all the prayers and themes off the cuff like that. But I liked the structure. So I decided to keep doing it, along with reading the book from the Dalai Lama that I’m working on.

Now, I’m still pagan. But praying the rosary feels like coming home, making peace with the Catholic faith in a way. Integrating it into my daily spiritual life.

You see, my family has a long history of Catholicism. One of my grandmothers (that I never met) used to send my family prayer cards and plastic rosaries (even glow in the dark ones!). I kept and still have all the prayer cards, and was delighted to see that I still have a blue plastic rosary. She used to send blue ones for the boys and pink ones for the girls. How I ended up with the blue one is strange, but I think of it as a nice sign. Maybe she approves of my transition.

In any case, I was sifting through Catholic stuff online, thinking of those prayer cards she used to send when it struck me that -> not all my ancestors were pagan. I know, duh. But the ones that are the closest to me, who probably care about me the most, were Catholic.  Now they weren’t blind Catholics. Many practiced tarot and had their own opinions, but remained Catholic in their self-definition. Anyways, it just struck me that praying the Rosary and collecting prayer cards could be a lovely way to connect with those ancestors.

I mean, there’s got to be a reason that I have so many rosaries. I’ve got like five -> and I never set out to collect them or even keep them. It just happened.

Anyways, I’m not quite sure what to make of this development, honestly. I’m just going with what feels good right now. What’s odd is that my patron deity (Lucifer) seems plenty happy with this turn of events. And what also strikes me as odd is how satisfying it is. I’ve always felt that within paganism there is a lack of order, discipline, and depth. But delving into Catholic stuff, I feel that order and depth that I’ve been looking for. It just feels like so much of what I’ve been looking for from paganism is there in Catholicism. Which is strange.  But hey, I’m really not going to overthink this. I have enough on my plate emotionally right now that I’m just going fuck it. If it feels good and makes me feel better I’m going to do it. Which, coincidentally, the rosary has been doing. I find that because it has such an opening and a closing with the sign of the cross, it helps me get in and out of a meditative state relatively okay. Or so I feel.

Anyways who knows. Maybe this will be another of my strange bursts that makes very little sense. Maybe it’ll pass. Or maybe this is a new way to connect with my ancestors. Either way, there’s this song from the Notre Dame theater production that I’ve had stuck in my head for two days now. For those who don’t speak french, it’s a song about the gypsies asking for refuge in the city of Paris from Mother Mary (Notre Dame). It feels timely for me.

Ways to Self-Care (ideas)

I need to be kinder with myself. Lately, I’ve been pushing myself to do so much, to perform so well, that I’ve been overlooking my successes and beating myself up mentally. I want to work on my novels, draw pictures, work on my birdie books, all that in the same day as well as functioning like a non-disabled person. Which I know I can’t do. I just can’t. I don’t have that many functioning hours.

Today we went out to get my meds and I was so anxious 😦 it makes me see just how bad my bad days lately have been. It makes me feel like I still need a service dog. Even just sitting in the car while my wifey drove (which I normally can do without stressing) was making me anxious. Because, hark! Curves were coming up! What if we took the ditch? Yikes! It was depressing.

However, once we got home and I realized this, I’ve decided to be gentler on myself. So I’m going to only do what I can do, and celebrate that. But how? Like, I can sit here and be all ‘yeah, I’mma be kinder with myself’, but what steps can a person actually take to be kinder on themselves? Here are my steps that I’m going to (try) and do in the next little while.

  • Set more realistic goals.
    • I tend to overdo it on the goals thing. I want so much done, and I want it all done well, and super fast. But life and disability doesn’t work that way. So I need to aim for less, so that I can actually succeed.
  • Listen to my needs.
    • Maybe not cut out all the sugar. Maybe allow myself some sugar, to, you know, live. Lately I’ve been on a ‘I must lose weight’ binge, which is actually really stressful. I need to get a better relationship with food.
  • Take concrete time to rest.
    • For me, I think I should rest more in the mornings. I have no concrete ‘rest’ time. I keep telling myself that I’ll rest in the evenings, but that’s when I do my writing, so… I have no down time.
  • Not overload myself.
    • I have a new commission coming along, as well as one underfoot, as well as all my writing… I sense that things can pile on quickly! Thankfully, nothing has definite due dates. In order to help with my workload, I’ve been very transparent that the artworks will take time. So far, no pressure, and I’m getting them done. But I need to keep that ‘no pressure’ and not heap too many more things onto myself.

I think, really, that the most important thing when it comes to self-care is to break it down into concrete steps, whatever that means for you. For me, this is enough structure, but for others it may involve more strict scheduling, complete with agenda markings and reminder stickers. But the important thing is to have steps. To know how you will take care of yourself, because if you just ‘wing it’, you might not get it done at all, and with self-care that just shouldn’t happen. You really need to take care of yourself, be it by taking pajama days or having a nice coffee date with yourself every so often!

Well, I hope this has been helpful to some people. For me, I find it useful to put my ideas out there and write them down. So, hopefully this will mark a new period of self-care and less self-imposed stress!

 

“My Mother Had a Massive Stroke” – help needed!

Yikes! If you follow the bipolar writer blog or appreciate what they do at all, check out their latest post and donate to their fundraiser if you can! James’ mother had a stroke! Please consider helping out in any any you can ❤

https://thebipolarwriter.blog/2019/12/09/the-bipolar-writer-needs-your-prayers/

My Struggle with Anger and Sadism

So I’ve written the next scene for Chaos (it’s actually been written for a bit, but I’m due to publish it now) and I’m quite unhappy with it. I’m just asking myself that famous writer’s question (or maybe it’s not that famous) -> is this really how the story goes? Should I leave this in there? is it too X/Y/Z? Is it too ‘much’?

I think I’ll share it with you all, just for the sake of sharing. But, really, I’m maybe … ashamed of it?

For anyone who’s been following along with the Chaos story, you’ve seen Chaos having a masochistic side. But he also has a sadistic side, and that’s what we get to explore in the next few scenes. Sadism, sex, ah what fun (or not?) times.

I find this stuff really difficult to write about, because sadism was such a thing I struggled with in the past.

See, I used to struggle heavily with sadistic urges. I was told when I was young that one could become addicted to very angry outbursts because of the adrenaline they brought.  Is this true or not? I have no idea, and am sure that my google searching skills are not up to par. For all I know, it could be a fad terminology or it could not be. I really don’t know. What I do know is that when I was a teen, anger was a real problem to me that really did feel like a minor addiction, along with the urge to hurt other people.

What I mean is that I had this burning anger within that was always wanting to get out. I remember feeling like I was transforming into a demon on the inside, full of hate and anger that was so deep that it could not be fathomed.

The sadism was there too! Some days I just wanted to pick a fight (I mercifully never did) and other days I just wanted to hurt others. It just seemed like a good idea, like it would be the most rewarding thing ever, akin to a good chemical rush.

This was a real struggle for me. I quit activities (like martial arts, which I loved) because they fueled my anger. I semi-converted to Buddhism, vegetarianism, and refused to kill even flies in an attempt to control my anger and sadistic urges. It was a real struggle. Thankfully it did, in fact, get better. It is especially much better now since I am medicated, and even better now that I am transitioning!

But that portal to my inner demon is still there. I know that, on occasion, whenever it opens (and it is very rare now), there just seems to be a pit of demonic energy within me. I feel hatred like a rush, and sadism like a cocktail of ecstasy that is just so wrong but so powerful. When I’m experiencing this anger, this hatred, it feels unquenchable, unfathomable. There doesn’t even seem to be strong enough words to express it! And yet, when I am not in this ‘mode’, it seems so ridiculous, so hard to explain away. it really just feels like I have a demon sitting inside of me, like it’s no part of who I am, who I choose to be. Yet I know this must be an aspect of myself.

Strangely enough, meditating to connect with my ‘higher self’ really brings this anger out. Intense meditation brings me closer to this inner portal, to facing all of myself in a very dangerous way.

For anyone else out there struggling with this sort of anger issues, this is what really helped me: the little things.

Of course, I recommend reading actual Buddhist literature and not the watered-down esoteric stuff. But that’s what worked for me. Find something pacific and peaceful that brings you into what feels like a state of peace. From there, implement it in tiny doses all throughout your day. For me, not killing bugs was a huge step, because by doing so I was honoring even the tiniest little scrap of a being as worthy of life. This went against my profoundly racist and Holocaust-enforcing past and helped me practice the sanctity of all life, every day.

You don’t have to stop killing bugs or become vegetarian like I did (though I eat meat now, unfortunately). But find little things that reinforce your peaceful aspirations throughout the day. It could be reciting prayers of compassion, walking dogs from a shelter, almost literally anything that brings forth compassion and peace within you.

Build on these little things. If you do feel like meditating (and I advise caution when doing so!) do it for short periods of time, and perhaps try and do emotion-focused meditations. Take a break from uniting with your inner/higher self and all the esoteric stuff. In my case it just made things worse (maybe it won’t do that for you, but this is my two cents). Instead focus on reinforcing positive emotions. Little things like exhaling compassion, breathing in and out peace, can seem silly, but they reinforce the peaceful ‘wires’ in our brain/that emotions’ brain-patterns. You can ‘wire’ yourself to be more happy and peaceful.

If you have outbreaks of anger, forgive yourself, AND -> work on fixing any harm you caused when you were angry. Be responsible. Apologize, try and explain, and definitely acknowledge that you were wrong/hurting.

Finally, remember that anger is a secondary emotion. It is usually based off fear, hurt, jealousy, etc. Be honest with yourself and face these emotions. In my experience, facing these primary emotions usually helps me stop the anger.

I hope this will be helpful for some people, and sincerely wish you all the best if you are struggling with anger. I will try and do a more detailed self-help post about spirituality and anger later/another day, as this post is already plenty long.

I wish you all the best.