On Being Trans and Pagan

First of all, what with recent events being what they are, I encourage you all to go and support those protesting in the states. Give to help bail out those who have been arrested, and please get into letter-writing mode if you can’t protest.

That being said, I wanted to talk about something that struck me while working on a children’s drawing. This one in particular.

Now, for those of you who are visually impaired or who haven’t been following me for a while, this is an image of my very trans birdie beating a drum and singing while wearing a cloak and antlers. He is surrounded by a salt circle within which are placed a goblet, tiny cauldron with smoke coming out of it, a crystal, and a candle. Essentially, the little trans birdie is doing a ritual with the four elements and singing while incarnating the Horned God or some other horned deity.

Now, while drawing this out, it struck me that it could be seen as ‘hard’ to have the trans birdie invoking a masculine deity, as in it would be hard for a trans man to incarnate such an epidemy of masculinity. But then I thought that isn’t it overly hard for anyone to do?

Here’s my first point: the epidemy of masculinity, the Horned God, is equally far from everyone, trans or not, because they’re a deity and we’re mere mortals. No matter your view on deity, they’re that, impossibly far away, and we’re us. So, trans or not, we’re all impossibly far from this ideal personified, just as we are all embodiments of it. It’s a paradox, if you will, one that is solved only when a devotee offers up their body for possession during an invocation. Then, only then, does one truly reach peak ‘masculinity’.

But can only a cis man do the invocation properly? I don’t think so. I really think that, cis or trans or enby, or probably even a woman, one can invoke the Horned one (or any other male deity) in order to experience what it feels like to possess that energy, because, in the grand scheme of things, it is still a deity descending into a mortal body. To argue that it must be only ‘this type’ or ‘that type’ of body, in my opinion, is to argue over a millimeters’ difference when the deity has to cross aeons to reach us. The deity is already transcending so much in order to get into the body, is it really a big deal whether it’s male or female, so long as its receptive? I don’t think so. So long story short, my trans birdie (and all other trans men and enbies or even women) can do the ‘male’ invocations.

Second, while thinking on this, a thought came to me on the validity of trans masculinity. It came to me that, in paganism, one can be a mortal person and suddenly invoke a god, and be recognized as this god. During this invocation, the deity is recognized as such and treated with reverence required. So why don’t we apply this to transgender identities? This notion of being a female body hosting male energy that was invoked into it by birth is absolutely not so different from our deity invocations. Yet it brings to mind my interactions with pagans who kept saying to me that I was ‘so feminine’ and that I had ‘female’ energy (which was very upsetting for me). Why is it that, for deities, we can see the spirit but not for trans people?

I think that, as pagans, we tend to view the energy as being created by the body, rather than being summoned into it. We view them as interdependent and co-creating. But if we begin viewing the spirit as not entirely dependent on the body (at least in a gendered way), but rather as hosted by it, then we can see the difference.

Furthermore, for trans and/or enby people, I want to suggest invocations as a way to test out your gender. Are you considering becoming a man? Invoke the Horned God, or any other male deity you are comfortable with, and see how the ‘energy’ feels to you.

Why? Not only will it give you a ‘feel’ of masculinity, but often with invocations, the human/invoker will feel as if they have the deities’ body and accoutrements. In the case of the Horned God, one might feel as if they are bearing horns and a large phallus.

So try it out, and see if you like those feelings. You could even consider summoning the opposite and comparing and contrasting your emotions and sensations.

If this generates interest (or even if it doesn’t), I will make a full post about how to do a private ritual summoning deities for gender consideration. Hey, maybe even a ritual divination on discerning your gender/insight into your gender could be fun too.

So anyways, I want to wish you all a safe and happy day. Take care y’all ❤

Chaos & Kuryo (Novel 3) Chapter Two, Part One

Kuryo’s POV

I walked into the apartment with a clear mind. A calm soul.

Alright, part of me wanted to freak but – I was me. I had defeated the Academy. I could take this.

Then I saw my other self.

Kay looked older. His hair had grown out and he had gained muscle mass. But there was still that resting bitch face. He was standing with his arms crossed, planted between Charr and – a very pregnant Charr in a black dress.

I figured that was a good place to start. Considering that a) she was actually still alive in this reality and b) the baby and her had both made it.

“You’re pregnant!” I cheered, dropping my bag to the ground and stepping forward. “Congratulations!”

“Thanks,” that Charr and Kay said, deadpan and without cheer. My Charr gave me a warning look, but I wasn’t sure what it meant. So I walked into the living room and leaned on the counter that split it from the kitchen. “So?” I asked.

“I’m pregnant,” said Charr, stating the obvious.

“Congrats,” I said, gesturing at her with a fake grin. Something was wrong. Her and Kay had been wanting a baby, last dimension ago. Hadn’t they?

A look of meaning was passed between that Charr, Kay, my Charr, and then to me and then – to Chaos. Who was standing beside me with a bright smile, completely missing out on the gravity of the situation.

Charr form this dimension cleared her throat. “Chaos, maybe you could go to AJ’s?”

You know things are bad when she used that dumb acronym. Chaos’s cheery face fell into dismay. I nodded. “Why don’t you?”

Trust Chaos to take a hint like a sledgehammer of drama. “But I’m part of the situation too!” They wailed. “I’m not just -”

“Just go,” snapped Kay.

“Please,” I whispered.

Chaos stormed out, slamming the door shut behind him. I sensed that I’d get an earful of this later. But that was another battle. For now, I looked around expectantly. All eyes landed on Charr, the pregnant one.

“I’m pregnant,” she announced.

“Con-grats?” I offered for what, the third time?

Kay and her speared me with their eyes. “I’m not the dad,” Kay announced angrily. “I can’t be.”

“Well, yeah,” I muttered awkwardly. I was trans, Kay was trans, it seemed to be a cross-dimensional thing. But uh? So?

The pregnant Charr gave me a nasty look. “I don’t know who else it could be,” she said savagely.

Well this uh, “Okay?” I managed, glancing at my Charr. Help? This sounded like a couple’s fight about to break out?

“They don’t know who the baby came from,” said my Charr calmly. “And someone’s trying to kill it.”

“It’s not a normal baby!” the pregnant Charr hissed. “I can hear it thinking!”

“Wait, wait, someone’s trying to kill it?” I asked.

“The baby is special!” Charr-from-another-dimension began crowing, in an anxious and wound up kind of way. Her arms wrapped around her belly. “It’s got powers!”

“Uh-” I said.

“I think it’s evil,” said Kay flatly. “And we think it might be from the Academy.”

The pregnant Charr burst into tears.

“Uh,” I said, awkward as could be.

“If you could-” Charr was trying to catch her breath as she sobbed. Tissues were passed along and she took one. Then two. “If you could feel the baby! You can tell us who it is?”

I just stood there. That Charr pointed at herself. “Come into my body! Feel it! Tell me who it is!”

I glanced at my Charr, who made a non-committal face. “Okay?” I said gingerly. “I uh,”

Kay, now perched beside Charr, glared at me like I had better hop to it and do it, and do it well. Or he’d butcher me.

So I did. I stepped gingerly to Charr’s side and sat on the armrest of the couch. I put a hand on her shoulder. “I’m just gonna,” I said softly.

“Do it!” she fairly yelled at me.

I stretched a part of myself into her. The presence that radiated from within her was nearly overwhelming. How I hadn’t felt it before- it was dormant was why. It wasn’t fully awakened. But it was there, powerful and present.

It didn’t take a genius’s head to recognize it. I drew back as quickly as I could, slipping wholly back into my body.

“It’s not the Academy,” I said with relief.

For a second, I swore I saw Kay smile. Charr exhaled, a hand resting on her stomach.

“Then who is it?” asked the other Charr from the kitchen.

I grinned at her. Chaos was going to be so happy. “It’s God.”