Chapter 1 Part 2

I had this theory, I read about it online and in a magazine once, that not being able to bloom was due to a nutritional deficiency. I’d believe it, because all five of us were dirt poor except Magdalene. And Magdalene was, well, really special. She had a hard time talking. Her eyes were lined with black, her clothes were black, and spikes jutted from her at every possible corner. But she just couldn’t really talk. Or do math. Or really, sit still for that long. She liked shouting too.

But she was an unbloomed, so she was my friend. We, the useless ones, we stuck together.

Also, we waited our turn. As the teacher, Mister Macmillan, passed by to unlock the door the five of us drew back to get out of everyone else’s way. We knew our place in society. I gritted my teeth at it, but that was what it was. It just wasn’t safe to get in anyone else’s way. People who had bloomed just had so much power!

“Studying still? It’s a bit late for that?” Professor joked as he held the door open. I realized he was talking to me. Sheepishly, I grinned and shrugged. Someone walked past me and slammed their backpack into my shoulder.

“Sorry!” they said, obviously not at all. I returned to the page. The ink had bled a little from the rain. I tried to focus, to memorize all the formulas-

“Come on,” Aaliyah patted me on the shoulder, steering me into the classroom. I protested but let her, enjoying the attention. In a last minute ditch attempt I flipped the page – and saw more formulas! CRAP!

Sniggers rose from the back of the class as Aaliyah steered me to my seat. We sat, all five of us, smack in the front. It was the safest spot to be and even the teachers encouraged it. They didn’t want us to get picked on.

“Notebooks away,” Macmillan said, mainly to me. I pressed my lips together and handed Aaliyah back her notebook. More sniggers, about what I couldn’t guess but I wanted to punch someone for it. Rich kids.

Then, the test began. Mister Macmillan handed out the leaflets to each row and they were passed down. The instant I got mine I flipped it open and began skimming the questions. Yes, yes, yes, I knew most of these! Okay!

Thanking Aaliyah with all my might, I flipped to the back section – the ‘superior’ section. It was really only for the ‘superior’ students who showed promise and who had exceptional marks – a category Aaliyah and me had exceptionally managed to nose our way into. It was quite remarkable for us unbloomed ones to have managed to enter the category, a feat that amazed our principal and even earned us both an embarrassing article in the school’s newspaper once.

And YES! I knew how to do those too!

Furiously, I began scribbling away. Time seemed to slow as I focused upon one question then another, scribbling and calculating and jotting numbers here and there.

Halfway through, I lifted my head up. Professor Macmillan was pacing the rows, scolding students and reminding everyone to keep their eyes on their papers.

I, however, was suddenly unsure of what I was doing. Something was wrong. Something tingled at the back of my neck. Something that had happened when – I looked out the window and caught my breath. Beyond the preened soccer fields, the sacred trees were on fire. Strange figures ran about, shadowy and furtive.

I lifted my hand. “Professor.”

“Don’t speak out of turn,” Macmillan said as he walked over.

“But,” I protested.

“What?” he asked as he walked to my side. I pointed to the window.

“We’re being attacked,” I said, stating the obvious.

“Oh,” he said.

There was the universal rustle of everyone looking. Of necks craning as everyone tried to see what I was pointing at. Which, for your information, was a sprite attack. It had happened once in my mother’s time at this school. It had already happened once in my time, and now I was unlucky enough to witness it again.

The alarm, a little late in my opinion, wailed out over the microphone. “Attention, students and staff,” our principal said primly. “We are enduring a sprite attack! Senior students are encouraged to use this as an opportunity to hone their fighting skills and gain hunting points – which I remind you are required for graduation!”

There was a cheer. Because, yeah, sprite attacks weren’t a catastrophe. In suburbs, where people were caught unawares watching their TV’s and where the populace wasn’t crawling with students yearning to ‘get out and FIIIIGHT!’, as some teachers were now shouting in the hallways, it could be dangerous. It was just especially dangerous if you were magically crippled, like, you know, us unbloomed were.

I was hunkering down in my chair, heart already hammering in my throat. Professor Macmillan was already at the front of the class, huge grin plastered on his face. “Alright students!” he called out like this was the best ball game of the world. “Get out there! Get some points!”

I slunk farther down in my chair, exchanging a horrified look with Aaliyah – who somehow didn’t look as terrified as I felt.

There was a roaring cheer of students jumping up, throwing pencils down and rushing for the windows. “Go, go, go!” Macmillan cheered, clapping his hands.

Students, the fastest first, began blooming right as they threw themselves at the windows. It was normally a sight I both loved to watch and hated. I was jealous, I hated them for being able to do something so magnificent. To shed their human skin and bloom into fully spiritual form.

There was Zalf, the gryffon who passed through the glass just in the nick of time. Gertrude, the graceful swan. But I was waiting with bated breath for the one. The one.

She was filthy rich. She was long-legged, blonde, pale of skin and always impeccably dressed. Her hair was short and choppily pulled back, with two long tendrils hanging down beside her face. Confident as could be, she and her small cluster of elite friends waited until everyone else was on their way to being moving. Because they never needed to rush. They were dragons.

Ever seen a dragon? Me neither until last year when our classes merged. Since then, I waited with bated breath for the crystal ice white dragon to materialize – but most of all for the jade green one. Her.

She, leaping for the window, was graceful and lithe. Stunning and magnificent as her green scales shimmered to reality around her and her shocking blonde mane rippled out.

Then, justlike that, she was gone. With an exhale I relaxed and looked back to the front of the class where Macmillan was. He was looking at me expectantly.

I pointed to the test. “Can I finish?”

Proffessor cringed. “You do know that you need hunting points to get into any high-ranked school, right?”

My jaw fell. But we were un-bloomed! We couldn’t hunt! It was too dangerous for us to even join organized hunting parties! Nevermind throwing ourselves into a melee!

“I mean,” Macmillan continued. “For the other schools, you can get in without it. But I know you two were hoping to get into McVaster so-“

Aaliyah scraped back her chair and jumped to her feet. Determination was scrawled all over her face. Holy shit- she really was going to do this!

I clutched at my chair. “Aaliyah! There’s sprites! We’re unbloomed-“

“Get up!” she ordered. “We’re going!”

“You can hit them over the head with sticks!” professor was cheering. Aaliyah grabbed me by the arm and yanked me to my feet.

I protested, but my wife-to-be was having none of it. With a yank and more determination than she needed, she rushed us out the door.

And that, really, was how it all began.

Author Copies!

Guess who just ordered author copies for the giveaway? Me! And it was quite the adventure!

You see, due to covid or some other blasted reason, I wasnt technically able to order author copies. Bevause those seem to go through the states. I had to go through and but them… at full price! Ech! Yuck! Thankfully it was the first time I ever bought something on Amazon (I know, I’m a rare breed) so I had free shipping otherwise this would NOT have been possible!

So this author is so excited! I cant wait!

Also, if you’re excited too and don’t know how to help out… drop a comment! I am gathering folks who want to help me spread the word for the giveaway, and I have goodies in store for anyone who helps out! You will get to participate in the giveaway as well, so you can get double goodies if you win! So drop a comment and I will contact you!

Now I’m going to rest and knit, finally casting off on a complicated sock I’ve been stalling on. I cast it on at the beginning of this pandemic and I’m just finishing the first one tonight!

Have a good night everyone, lots of love to y’all 🥰

The calf portion of the sock!

Chaos & Kuryo (novel 3) Chapter 12 part 2

Chaos POV

I woke. It had been what, a day? Two? I wasn’t sure.

I sat up, looking around for a sense of what time or day it was. There was none, there being no ‘sun’ in hell and no clock in this room. So I got up. Went to the bathroom, then began lurking.

There was no proper other word for it, but the fact was that I didn’t mean to do it. I just didn’t want to be seen and tried to make no noise.

I somehow crossed no servants. Unlike homes in the heavenly realms, homes in the underworld were scanty on their servants. Less was best, unlike ‘up there’ where there were servants for everything.

Then there was that door with light streaming from around it, lighting up the corridor. It was like a giant sign saying ‘hey, here!’. You know the kind.

Now I crept closer, finally realizing that I was, indeed, snooping. Lurking. Being a bad guest. But-but-but – I heard voices. Curiosity climbing in me I crept to the door.

Standing a foot away from the thing, a hand hovering next to its luxurious panelings, I could clearly hear everything happening within.

“They’re coming for us!” a voice was whining. Bella? No one else sounded that petulant and cry-baby when they didn’t have their way.

A deep hum. Lucifer. More voices rose, clamoring for attention. I caught snippets.

“They’re going to wipe us out!”

“They’ve done this before!”

“We need to unify our battlefront!”

Everything abruptly fell silent. Lucifer must have raised a hand, or something. “How do you suppose we do that?” he asked snarkily. “Unite our battlefront?”

A voice, steady, said “We need to strike a truce with the heavenly realm. Maybe even with the Boddhisattvas. We need to unite.”

“And how, do you suggest we staunch that rebellion? They haven’t exactly taken a shine to us lately.”

There was a long pause. Another voice poked up. “A truce. We must speak with them plainly of the gravity of the situation.”

Footsteps were approaching. A servant? Cursing under my breath I crushed myself up against the wall, hoping they wouldn’t notice me.

They didn’t. They strolled by, eyes focused straight before themselves and loosely humming. My heart pounded in my chest. I was seriously up to no good. Chaos, you’re about to get into serious trouble.

But the door… I could still hear everything…all I had to do was cock my head and I could still hear them talking.

They were arguing now, two other voices raising steadily. They wanted to force the heavenly realm to submit, but were wondering how to go about it.

Okay, I thought. Chaos, you need to step away from this. It’s not your problem.

So, wrenching myself away from the door, I turned and – oh shit.

Lucifer was standing right there. Right behind me.

I gaped. Never trust a god to not just apparate behind you.

He was dressed all in silky black with (again) a large slice of his shoulder and chest showing. But I hardly noticed his outrageous outfit and heels, this time just staring at his face. He was smirking, but not in a ‘I’m happy’ kind of way. This was a ‘caught you, little fucker’ kind of way.

He stooped over me. I gulped. With the tips of his fingers, he touched my shoulder, then pointed the other hand down the hallway to where I’d come from. “That way,” he hissed softly.

I darted, bolted, whatever. I ran fast out of there. I was in no shape for a fight and certainly didn’t want one.

Once in my room, I practically barricaded myself in it. Of course I didn’t, but I wanted to just shove all the furniture up against the door and curl in a little ball. What a loser I was. Lame, lost, helpless.

I paced the room until I was exhausted. Whatever that meeting was, it was taking forever. Or, was Lucifer not coming to see me? For some reason I thought he’d come to chew me out. Or was he just ignoring me?

I paced some more, eventually flopping down onto the bed. There, I tossed and turned as sleep began slowly closing over me.

It felt like I had just closed my eyes when a servant shook me awake. I yelped, throwing them off and jumping up.

“Oh good, it’s awake,” Lucifer sneered from behind the fallen angel between us. Angel who slipped away now that their work was done. Which, in case you’re really bad at math, left me alone with Lucifer.

I gulped, looking up at the god. He was wearing something different – did that mean it was a new day? Or had he just changed on a whim after the meeting was done? Either way, his eyes were burning into me.

“I’m sorry,” I mumbled. I crossed my arms across my chest defensively. “I uh- I was wandering and -”

Lucifer crossed his arms as well and tilted his head to the side, as if he was indulging me.

Alright, I was nervous. “I didn’t mean to,” I fibbed. “And I didn’t hear much.”

“M-hmm?” Lucifer tilted his head even more, his silver hair draping around him. “Or are you spying?”

“Spying?” I startled. “For who?”

Lucifer’s lips curled into a nasty smirk and he stooped over me. I stepped back, but my legs bumped into the bed. Trapped.

“You know,” his breath was sweet as it misted over me. “The invaders. How appropriate for you to just disappear, perhaps see them, and return here to eavesdrop. Care to explain how you magically lost your transporter? No?”

I guppied. No sound would come out of me. I felt both simultaneously outraged, insulted, and terrified. In a blink, I decided to be angry. That would work, right?

“I’m not spying!” I fairly shouted, hands curling into fists. “I-”

Lucifer raised an eyebrow. I silenced. Dropping my voice to a hiss I seethed. “I don’t know where the black box went. But I haven’t done anything-”

“Yes, nothing, really,” said Lucifer dryly. “You’ve just been sleeping.”


Another look. I fell silent again. My head drooped as I remembered these past few days – and the reason I was like this. My friends…

“What is it?” Lucifer asked sharply. A long finger lifted my chin. I swatted it away without thinking, twisting away.

“It’s none of your business!” I snapped, glaring up at him.

“Oh?” was all he said, so coldly. I felt myself flush with anger, at him and at myself. He was my host after all. He’d taken me in. Did he deserve an explanation?

“My friends are dead,” I snapped, glaring fiercely into those uncaring eyes. “Someone killed them while I was -” my hands shot out and shoved his shoulders. “Stuck! Here!”

Black tendrils caught my wrists and I wrestled against them. I managed to land another shove before I was yanked back.

“It’s your fault!” I screamed, twisting. My wrists were yanked behind my back and I kicked out, narrowly missing Lucifer’s knee. “You stuck me here! You had me kill Bella – you’re the problem! Not me! It’s all your fault!”

The black tendrils were coiling over me but I surged my magic, ripping free and launching myself at Lucifer.

It was like a child fighting an adult, except I was the child in this case. With practiced ease Lucifer caught my wrist, spun me around, and tossed me face first onto the bed. Smack.

Furious, I was back on my feet and attackign again before I could even think. Think something like: hey, it’s not a good idea to get into a fist fight with your host? Or one of the most powerful angels, like, ever?

I found myself slammed face-first into a wall. Black twisting vines, tendrils, things, wrapped around me securely and crushed me against it.

Gritting my teeth, I tried to wrestle free. It wasn’t working this time.

Slow footsteps walked over to me. I squeezed my eyes shut, expecting a ‘I’ve given you so much’ speech.

I was yanked around and dragged forward, straight up into Lucifer’s bubble. There was a frown on his face and his annoyingly nice perfume wafted over me.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. His palms cupped my face and he stooped over me. So close. My breath caught as he searched my eyes. He was… so close.

My breath caught as his eyes dropped down to my lips. Then they went back up to my eyes. A smirk curled on his face. He was playing with me.

I wanted to scream and kick him again, but swallowed that down.

“I’m sorry your friends are dead,” he said slowly. “But I didn’t kill them. I didn’t mean for that to happen either.”

The tendrils slowly unwound from around me. I found my footing again, but he was still holding my face in his hands. “I am also sorry Bella dropped you like a hot coal,” he said, sounding sincere but his eyes twinkled merrily.

I jerked my head free. “You don’t care,” I snapped, feeling strangely hurt.

“Hmm,” he hummed darkly before turning and stalking away. His voice floated over his shoulder towards me. “Mind your own business, kitten. You can stay here as long as you want if you do that.”

The door to my bedroom shut behind him on its own.

I scowled. Like hell I was going to do that.

Romance – Author’s Blurb on Polyamory

So yes, I write romance. But you know, I’ve always been that kind of author that, when faced with a ‘who dates who’ situation, my answer is a shrug and a ‘Why not ALL of them?’.

Yeah, I’m that person. Gimme the cake, ice cream, and cherries all at once, with sprinklers on top. Yes that means I’m poly. Yes, I am in a poly relationship. No, that doesn’t mean I’ll hop into bed with everything and anything (though I do tend to fling myself at crushes, haha). And while I do tend to write mainly couples romance, I felt it was time for a poly romance. So yeah, enter a polycule relationship.

Now, everything happening with Kuryo in “My Name is Chaos” is such spoilers for “Dreaming of Lights”, really. Because that’s where Kuryo meets Charr and bumbles his way through relationships and dimensions (to summarize loosely). But at the end of “Dreaming of Lights”, you are still not (entirely) sure who dates who. Well, all is being revealed now I suppose.


Because yes, Charr and Kuryo are a team, but they’re what would be called ‘nesting partners’ in poly lingo. That means they live together as a couple. That doesn’t mean they’re exclusive. In fact, if I have any say in it, they’re part of an extended polycule involving two of Kuryo’s other crushes in ‘Dreaming of Lights’. Why? Because it just makes sense in my head. Aside from jealousy and the fact that they don’t see what Kuryo goes through between dimensions with Charr, these characters have genuine chemistry together. If they could ‘just’ (like it’s a small thing, haha) set their jealousy aside, they could actually all be happy together.

Now this means Kuryo has three girlfriends (imagine Chaos freaking out in jealousy “He has THREE girlfriends?!!!”), but that doesn’t mean the three girlfriends date each other. They’re friends, but I seriously don’t see them being anything more to each other.

But why does Kuryo have so many girlfriends and they have just him? Well, it goes by individual. One girlfriend, Jade, almost certainly has other partners as well. But Aaliyah and Charr are reserved and quiet people who don’t necessarily want more partners, or have enough energy to take care of more than one partner. Especially Charr, coming from another dimension, I don’t really see her being able to open up to that many people, whereas Jade is a social butterfly.

Does Kuryo necessarily have enough time and energy for that many partners? Well, considering he kind of gave his heart away to each of them at different intervals in his series, I guess he’s stuck doing it (hahaha).

So what does all this have to do with Chaos’ story? Well, guess what Bella? There’s two other badass women who don’t want Kuryo and Charr hurt. (Don’t you think that makes like a tiny little superhero squad? The dun dun dun… Super -‘cule!) Do these two girlfriends actually make it into Chaos’s storyline? I’m not sure yet. They don’t dimension jump in ‘Dreaming of lights’, so I’d be surprised if they do now. But still, I enjoy the thought, so who knows? And plus, it would be super cute to see the polycule in action. How caring they would be for each other, how  they could share meals together, just the mundane little cute things, you know?

Also, I feel like they’d all want to beat Chaos’s ass into a pulp for hurting their Kuryo. Just saying.

On that note, I really feel like drawing the whole poly-squad.

Fall is Almost Here!

Hey everyone! I’ve been doodling TwoLoveBirds lately, and discovered that – of all the things, I can’t figure out how to do the backgrounds for these cute lil’ things when I try and color them in. I mean, if I do a full picture with a setting, that’s okay, but just a  cute doodle? I can’t seem to get the background the way I want it.  Anyways, while trying to figure out backgrounds, I made a picture or two! Here is one, celebrating the coming of fall and the turning of this part of the Wheel of the Year. I’ll be posting it in the coloring page section of my blog as well. If anyone feels like coloring it in, I’d love to see it! And if you do share this image, please link back to me!autumn birdies1.jpeg


“My Name is Chaos”; Chapter Twelve Part Two

After washing up, eating, and taking a look at myself in the mirror, I had the sudden urge to ‘find out’. Find out what? Why? I paused, staring at my reflection in the bathroom mirror. I had obviously lost weight in my … how many day starvation binge? The orange in my hair had grown out, leaving my ‘do looking a bit funny. I’d have to do something. Something different, I decided.

In a wave, the urge to ‘find out’ returned. I brushed it aside. There was time for that later. Or maybe never. Life could return to normal now. Now about my hair-

A wave of panic rose in me, so acute that I felt nauseous. I gripped the edge of the bathroom sink. The world span. Clear as day, I knew that I had to ‘find out’.

Message sent, the sensation subsided. I breathed deeply, willing the nausea away.

Okay, maybe my hair could wait. Just maybe.

After grabbing another snack from our kitchen that we shared with another dead-ish family, I shrugged on a black jacket and donned my bracelets and necklaces, just in case. Then, wholly convinced that there was nothing to ‘find out’, I left the house.

I told myself that I was just on a little stroll. I was just following my instincts, I told myself.

But the truth was that my instincts had never manifested with anxiety disorders. I’d never felt all too anxious about anything in life, even when I should have. But I brushed it all aside. I was just out for a walk in the earth realm, otherwise known as ‘hell’.

In the earth realm, like the sky realm, there was quite a many different planes to enter. There was happy places, dark places, and so-so- pockets of minor doom. I told myself that I should just go for a grassy stroll, but found myself knowing that I should turn away from there.

By accident, I supposed, I found myself near the prison for uncooperative demons. It was where souls wen when they caused too much trouble, or acted unconsiderate towards the established structure of right and wrong, and how much of each there ought to be in the realms.

Doesn’t matter, I told myself. Because I’m going to keep on walking. I had no business in that realm, and was going my merry way on the starlight path when – barf.

Out of nowhere! I just had this wave of panic and nausea, so acute that I half sobbed and hiccuped in nausea all at the same time. Doubling over, I clapped a hand over my mouth, sure that I was about to heave something up. Panic filled me, my thoughts racing in horror, my stomach churning with dread at the idea that I might not ‘find out’.

Find out what? I thought irately just before the answer came to me in the shape of a vision. A vision of Bella, smiling down at me, her hand fisted in my hair.

I walked towards the doors of the realm of nasty things. Alright, I began to admit that things were going down a little strangely. But this could be just my imagination, right? I’d investigate a little, then be gone. That would satisfy my gut, right?

“Oh hey Chaos!” said a pot-bellied gnome that could have easily been mistaken for a demon. “You here for those buggers?”

“Uh,” I said, strolling up to the reception desk. There, several weird looking secretaries all nodded at me.

“We can look away as you land a punch or two,” added another in jovial terms.

“That’s against the regulations,” said one with badly applied lipstick and fake eyelashes. “but then again,” and they waved me on.

My mind reeled. I had business here? With whom? And then, as the pot-bellied one guided me forward, I realized with whom. The vampires, of course.

There was dozens in cells. Cells, cells, cells upon cells lined this part of this realm like holes in a honeycomb, stacked up and up until they seemed to drift away into darkness. As I stared, the pot-bellied gnome thumped me on the hip with a sort of good-bye pat.

“Give ya’ fifteen minutes, kid! Then you gotta scram!” and he pressed a something in my hands. I looked down, shocked to see the set of keys in my hand.

“Hey-” but he was walking away.

I gulped, the moment suddenly crushing me. I had never been despised in the underworld. Certainly, they had all heard a version of what happened to me, and they all now probably thought me a hapless victim.

And now I had the keys in my hands.

For a moment, I just stood there, fear overwhelming me. What would I do? Should I really have been left alone with these keys? What if I did something stupid?

But there was no ‘free them and break loose all the demons of the udnerworld!’ urge. Instead, I found myself calming down. Anxiety really wasn’t my thing.

With no strange urges overcoming me, I felt in control. So I strolled to the cells. I passed vampire after vampire, runnign my fingers over the iron bars. Some were curled on cots, others hunched over and clawing at their hair. Few looked up and saw me, their eyes hollow and empty. Just like I had been.

I was about to turn around and leave when I saw what I was looking for. Mister McBeefcake, who wasn’t all beef and no cake anymore.

He was wasting away like the rest of them. Curled on himself, there was a plate of uneaten food in the middle of his tiny cell.

“Hey,” I said, wondering who was the dummy who’d tried ot give vampires real food. Could they even digest it? “Hey?” I rapped my knuckles on the cage.

He didn’t look up. Just a groan came out, then a sigh. He shifted, and I saw how sunken in his cheeks were. How he was starving.

Somehow it struck me. My beloveds, I thought, and a sense of misery rushed up through me. I had the urge to do something, anything, to help them. They were suffering!

Pressing my palms against the cell’s bars, I knew there was nothing to do but I wanted to help them so badly. So much that I felt ready to cry, anxiety rising up through me in a fit that made me want to shred my own skin.

I pressed my forehead against the bars, closing my eyes. If only I could help!

Something gusted over my face. Warm air? I opened my eyes to see another pair of eyes right before mine, to feel hands closing over mine.

I startled, too late. McBurgerFace was crushing my fingers under his own, snarling so close he could almost bite me through the bars. I jerked back, but it was from the repulsive smell of his breath. Because in my mind, I was calm. This was my second in command, he would not hurt me.

“Release me,” I ordered, my voice now not my own. It was so strikingly Bella’s that it snapped across my mind – but I was now no longer in control of my limbs. Bella had come over me, and I hadn’t even noticed it.

“My- my Queen!” crowed the vampire.

“Shh,” I heard her say, saw my hand reach through the bars and caress his cheek. “You poor thing,” Bella murmured through me.

Sobbing, the vampire rested his forehead against the bars. Bella drew him as close as she could, pressing my forehead against his, just like she had once done to me.

Words flowed from her and I recognized them. It was those words she had always spoken to me, and now I knew some of them, could silently follow along the first few as the feeling of love and happiness rose up within me like a pool of warm water, drownign out my thoughts.

Dimly, I heard sighs from around. Creaking of bones as limbs straightened. Rustling of cloth. I felt hundreds of eyes upon my body, watching the source of the words.

As I succumbed to the waters, so to speak, I felt more than just an ecstasy. I felt myself connected with Bella, with these creatures, could feel their thoughts and wishes and anger.

I knew right then that they all saw Bella, felt her within me.

Footsteps rung out. The creaking of the door.

My body was jerked back from the cells and suddenly I was in control of it again. I nearly fell over is what happened.

“Whoah, kid!” and the gnome was by my side as I reeled, clutching at my head and body. “What’s the matter?”

No more Bella was the matter. The sense of union, the feeling of ecstasy, it was all gone and I was empty, reeling from the absence of so much. Struggling, I pulled myself together.

“Nothing,” I said weakly, shaking my head and brushing the hair from my eyes.

“Hey,” and the gnome looked to the cells. “They recognize you?”

Because no more were the vampires asleep and laying down. Now they were all standing at the doors, watching silently, still as statues. Their eyes gleamed like cats, throwing back the dim lights at us.

“They’re awake,” I mumbled, knowing with certainty that I had accomplished whatever it was that I had been sent out for.

“My Name is Chaos”: Chapter Twelve Part One

Hey everyone! I’m back with more Chaos! And more Bella, of course. More shenanigans. Enjoy!!!


Bella. She was all I could think about, all I could feel the lack of. No matter how warm I was, there was a pit inside my stomach, an emptiness that refused to be filled.

I had been allowed to return home, but remembered little of getting there. The days were hazy, time drifting on and off. I drew the blankets to my chin and refused to see the world. Bella was gone. I couldn’t change clothes, didn’t have the strength to wash. I lay in bed in the same filth for what felt like weeks on end. Mother came and pleaded with me to rise, then father, then mother again. They tried kindness, sternness, and bribes. I barely heard them.

The emptiness from within was eating me out. I felt the lack of Bella as a physical weight that was dragging me down. I drifted in and out of sleep, of nightmares, of seeing Bella’s eye as she blew her brains out. Of seeing the exact moment the light left her.

I clutched at the eye patch like it was a link, a tribute, a something that could connect us still. It was pitifully little. I clutched at it, cradled it to my chest, but it did nothing. It brought me no warmth, no smell, nothing to hold to my chest that would fill me.

“They’re all doing that,” said a voice through my mist one day. It was right next to me, but I didn’t move to greet the presence. My back was to my room. I was hiding the eye patch beneath a pillow and feigning sleep, not that I could have drawn myself truly awake.

“What do you mean?” mother’s voice was frightened.

“They’re just pining away. All of them,” said the voice, not bothering to hush themselves.

“What do we do?” said father’s voice this time.

There was no answer. They left my room. I fell back asleep, clutching at the eyepatch like it was a lightning rod that would bring me back to life.

Instead I found myself dropping into deeper and deeper sleeps and waking less and less. Mother was trying to make me drink. Father was sitting next to me, reading books aloud. Al was visiting, sunglasses atop her head and blue eyes shining. These were just glimpses, snippets between patches of darkness.

Then, one day, I broke. I knew that something had happened. The depth I was falling into was somehow different. I was collapsing in on myself. I didn’t wish for help. I wanted it to be over. There was no point to anything anymore, so it might as well be over.

I felt myself slipping, returning to the source of All. Floating, dissolving, falling apart. As I came apart, something stepped out of me.

“Hello,” Bella’s voice whispered to me, her blue eye shining, the eye patch still solidly in place, still wearing her usual spikes and buckles.

“Bella!” I cried out. “Bella!”

She reached out and I felt myself draw together at her command. “Come here,” she whispered. I struggled, pulling myself into one until I stood before her. Her fingers brushed my cheek. “My Chaos,” she murmured, her touch gliding around to fist into my hair then drag me into her embrace.

I fell against her, tears finally flowing from within. I latched onto her, wishing to never let her go.

Her lips brushed against my ear. “Chaos, Chaos, my Chaos,” she murmured, nuzzling into me. Then, in a different tone, an electrifying word. “Awaken.”

It was electricity in my blood. I jolted as what felt like parts of myself came to life that had never before breathed life. I felt whole, new, energized and powerful.

She pulled me from her, pushing me to stand before her. I gawked. It was as if I was seeing her with new eyes, eyes that saw her on a whole new level.

It was like the great Source was living within her. She wasn’t just named the Queen, she ‘was’ the ultimate, majestic, and Source.

I fell to my knees. I stuttered. “M-my Queen,” I blabbered, overcome.

She smiled at me. Her fingers stroked my chin, tilting me so she could see me better. Then she turned my chin left, then right, examining me. She ran her fingers through my hair, then dragged my head down into a bow.

“Listen very carefully, Chaos,” she said. My heart hammered in my throat. I stared down at her feet, my hands pressing into the earth beside them.

She spoke, and for the first time I heard the words. Here, within myself, the sound was real.

I struggled to not be overcome by them. I tried to focus on the sounds, to memorize them. But within me, the strange tidal wave was rising, the artificial joy and happiness mixing into a cocktail of ecstasy. I struggled to resist, focused on my breathing, shuddering, then focused on the sound of her words again. But it was pointless. In a rush the ecstasy overcame me like a wave. I cried out, then collapsed to the earth.

Twitching on the earth, I didn’t feel my body anymore. I felt dissolved, free, emanating and communing with not the Source, but Bella. I felt bare before her. Free for her to take, to use.

In a rush that was certainly a will from Bella, I was back together and the ecstasy was over. I was gasping, heart hammering, but I didn’t feel empty. I felt filled, alive, satisfied.

Climbing back up to my knees, I stared at her. My mind was empty of coherent thoughts, but filled with wonder and awe at her. I felt ready to drop down and worship her, she seemed so awesome.

“Listen,” she ordered, bending over to cup my face with her hands. And again, she repeated the words. This time slower. This time more enunciation.

I squeezed my eyes shut, willing every part of me to remember those sounds. To please her. To be perfect for her.

The world shifted. I felt like my lungs were opening up, like I could breathe again. My limbs were revitalized. I was so powerful, so immense and strong-

I sat up in my room, breathing heavily and tangled in the blankets. I gasped for air, looking around, expecting to see Bella here. But she was nowhere to be seen. I pressed a palm to my chest, wondering if she was within me, or had that just been a figment of a deranged imagination?

Whatever! I threw off the blankets and walked away for a shower.

“My Name is Chaos” Chapter Eight, Part One

“So are you feeling better now that you’re seen your friends?” Bella asked as we left the floor for the stairs. Our hands were entwined again and that was making my heart do somersaults.

“Yeah,” I said breathlessly, watching her from the corner of my eye. What was it Leo had been wanting to tell me? It couldn’t be that terribly important, could it?

Bella hummed, pleased, and we kept walking in silence. I wondered so many things right then. What had really happened with Mark? Why Leo was back in a lab coat, evidently helping them out when he’d been so adamant to speak against them… were they forcing him to work? And if so, why was I getting the royal treatment out of all of us? She couldn’t do this for all the visitors. Why me?

Why, why, why – We reached the bottom of the stairs, walking out into the entrance hall. There were vampires in tow, vampires hanging around, and the little secretary’s desk at the entrance. My head was swimming with thoughts and I nearly kept walking when Bella drew to a stop.

“Hmm?” I turned to face her. Her fingers tugged me closer. A wry smirk was on her lips. I glanced at the vamps behind her, who were dutifully watching, blank-faced. But Bella was pulling me to stand before her. Her blue eye twinkled, her smile viciously excited.

“There is an announcement to be made,” she said as I stood before her.

“Oh?” I felt like something was flying straight over my head.

She stepped forward. I didn’t move back, instead tightening my grip on her fingers. My hand rose up between us as she stepped into my metaphorical bubble. Somehow it landed on her shoulder limply instead of stopping her final step closer. Her hand rose up for the back of my head and my mind went blank. She pulled me forward.

We kissed, her hand holding the back of my head firmly.

Well, my heart did all the flip-flops it could. My stomach was filled with butterflies. That euphoria returned from within, rising up within me in a flicker. I was happy, truly happy.

When we seperated she had an eerie smile on. “I think you should stay,” she whispered, her blue eye nearly glowing it was so bright.

“Sure,” was the smartest thing I could think of saying. Because I couldn’t think. My head was all abuzz, my body felt like it was fluttering, and I was filled with excitement bordering on euphoria. I just wanted to kiss her again.

She grinned. “Good,” and she began to march past me, out the building. I kept tow, not daring to look behind because I was sure my face was on fire and I had the dumbest grin on.

I swear, I felt glares on my back. Outside, the cold was burning on my face compared to the heat I had boiling within. I was full of butterflies, moths, fireflies, bed bugs, you name it. I had the jitters, bad.

Bella drew to a stop before her skidoo. She maybe winked at me, or just blinked. It was hard to tell with the eyepatch. “You can ride with me,” she said.

Yay! It felt like an ice cream cone on a birthday. A bit silly, but meaningful and sweet. Sickeningly sweet.

Did I still have alarm bells going off in my head? Questions? No. My head was blank now and filled with her. She was all I could think about. How fabulous she was. How amazing. Sweet and kind.

The next thing I knew, there were no skidoos following us. We were alone, drifting out of the city. Fields upon fields of snow whizzed by, complete with cutesy little farm houses and the occasional horse or herd of brave cows.

We came to a stop at the crest of a hill. There, Bella dismounted. I followed suit, watching with hearts in my eyes as she pulled off her helmet and shook her hair free. Then, a grin was turned my way.

“I wanted to bring you here since I laid eyes on you,” she said.

I looked around. Snow drifts gave way to peaceful valleys and a river swirling through it all. There was no farmhouses, no humans, no nothing but snowy fields.

I put my hands in my jacket’s pockets. “It’s beautiful.”

She gestured with an arm. “There’s nothing like this in hell,” she declared. “Only here.”

I almost corrected her. Almost. Sure, there was icy plains of absolute pain and bla di bla in hell, if you looked hard enough. But it was not like this. This was… nice.

“I want you to join me,” she said, leanign back against the skidoo. Her hand lay over my arm. “I see beautiful things in you, Chaos. I want you to join with me.”

I found myself looking into that brilliant blue eye as it was turned towards me. “I believe in you,” she said.
My heart fluttered. When was the last time anyone had said that to me? “Really?”

But she nodded, smile pure and sincere. She plucked my hand from my pocket and lifted it to her lips. She kissed my knuckles. “We could do great things together. Tell me you’re going to stay. Tell me you’ll stay by my side.”

My heart twisted on itself, like it was trying to run in two directions at once. It was painful. “I,” I croaked.

“Please,” she whispered.

It hurt. I ducked my head. Tears rose to my eyes, and the whole situation felt unfair. Why didn’t I get to choose where I would be in this whole mess? Besides, what was she doing that was so wrong anyways? She just… wanted to save people?

I pulled myself up. “You have to be honest with me.”

A flicker of a smile came over her. But she was serious when she said “Yes.”

I nodded, gulping. Swallowing the fact that I really had promised to go home, to do just my mission, and to do nothing else. My head bowed and I knew how disappointed everyone would be with me.

A finger lifted my chin to look at her once more. “Promise me you’ll stay by my side.”

“I promise,” I whispered without thinking, following the tug in my heart. It hurt to hear myself say it, to know that I was breaking my word to my family for her. But they hadn’t treated me right either, sending me here without the full knowledge of what was going on – the full knowledge of her.

Bella leaned in, hand sliding to grip in my hair, and we kissed. “I really like you,” she whispered against my lips.

“I,” was all I could croak as she drew back, gazing into me. I hurt. I was happy. I was so confused. I wanted to cry.

She seemed to know this. Pityingly, she took my head in both her hands and pressed our foreheads together. Her eye closed and she began mouthing words.

I felt them in my heart, reverberating with meaning and wisdom. I held on to her shoulders, shuddering as that strange euphoria came over me again. A white light seemed to fill me. It was bliss, lighter and gentler than before. I craved more. I wanted the same intensity that she had created in the church. But the words grew quieter now that the light filled me. They faded within me, takign the bliss with them and leaving me wanting more.

“Feel better?”

I blinked and saw her smiling at me. “Yeah,” I whispered, wondering how she could do that. I was no longer upset. More… muffled? The white within seemed tohave quieted the storm but it wasn’t gone. Just tucked away.

I shook my head, trying to clear my mind and reorganize my thoughts. More like get them working again. “How do you do that? What is it?”

Now she really did wink. “Secret.”

I punched her lightly on the shoulder. “No, really. Tell me!”

She laughed. “No. You’re not awakened yet. It will mean nothing to you.”

“But,” I protested. She shook her head, facing the fields once more and shifting so our shoulders pressed together.

“No buts,” she said strictly. “You don’t have a choice in this.”

I scowled and leaned against her. She leaned as well, and now we were propped on each other. My fingers slid down her side in a silent plea. She gave me her hand, and we twined together in the cold.

The Great One- Character Reveal!

adelaide sketch.jpeg

I don’t want to get ahead of my story here, as I’m not sure if they’ve featured in what I’ve shared on this blog yet, but I finally drew a picture of them that I like! I’m so excited that  had to share it!

This character, also known as ‘The Great One’ is the baddest of all the badasses in Farfadel. They totally kick butt. And I don’t like them because of their power, but because of how they grow with their power. They learn to tear down their own blockages and move on, growing ever more.

Which is probably why I’ve made ‘The Great One’ a recurring character in many of my Farfadel novels. Considering that I’m sitting on a total of four unfinished Farfadel  novels, that’s a lot of echoing for one character. But hey- they deserve it!

Now I’m not telling you who they are… I’m going to let you stew on that mystery for a moment or two. But suffice to know that they’re an important character. If you can guess who the character is, you uh, get a virtual cookie? Let me know what you think!