Thinking of Sharing…

I’ve been thinking lately of how sharing brings me joy, and how that’s something I want to focus on more. How can I share more with y’all, and interact more? I’m not sure. Thoughts? Ideas?

On a local scale, I am going to be attending a local garden sale, where I will be selling my art (birdies all over the place!) and I am really hoping to interact with people and be able to sell my art for cheap so people can enjoy it.

On a more internet-wide scale, I’ve uploaded to Tapas, and am reconsidering wattpad. I mean, what’s the harm? You see, I’m rethinking my ‘Dreaming of Lights’ book, and am considering posting it for mostly free online. Why not?

I’m not sure I will, I will have to think on it a bit more, but this is me wondering about posting weekly chapters like I used to. Is that something that would interest you all? Let me know in the comments! I really look forward to getting some feedback on this!

Anyways, here’s a goodie! Today, while feeling back ‘in the groove’ for that story, I made a picture of Kuryo/Kyrie. So here it is! I hope you like it!

Quick Hello Again!

Hi everyone! I’ve missed you all ❤

I can’t say I’ve missed this blog though. I feel it became a toxic ranting space for me, and I don’t want to contribute to that kind of atmosphere. So! I’m thinking of rehashing this space. I think I want a nice space for my writing dilemmas and ideas, with the occasional mental health update. I guess I want to still give you all a glimpse at what it’s like ‘behind the scenes’ as well as somewhere to talk with people about my writerly life.

So, on that note, how have things been going with me?

Things have been going well, darlings. As some of you may have noticed, I’ve been very active with my birdies and getting a grip on managing them and their many projects. That was, for a while, my most engrossing project. But lately, I’ve been finding my feet with Farfadel and other novels as well. My mental health has been very up and down, but in a general upwards streak.

Lately, as in the past month or so, building up until the past week, I’ve been having Kuryo and Chaos’ story stuck in my head. So! I decided this week to bite the bullet and start re-editing that messy blurb.

In my head, it was an impossible task! How could stories inspired by dreams be anything but a chaotic mess?

But, after re-reading the first three books, those in Kuryo’s series, I’m shocked. They’re not that bad, for real! They’re pretty cohesive, and the last one is the one that is the most messy, but it’s not unfixable. It’s hardly as bad as I thought it was!

One major thing I want to rework is an ending for one of the villains of part 1: Kay.

Now I’m not going to tell you who he is (that would be spoilers!) but I am going to say I’m thinking of having him team up with Bella later on in the series. That would be such a pain in the ass for Kuryo and Chaos! He also is the absolute opposite of Bella, so they would make quite a team. Whereas Bella is more of a hysterical squirrel with rabies, I think of Kay as more calculated and professional. Like an angry ice cube!

On another note, I got my quasi-ancient scanner to pick up on my watercolor paintings, so here is a painting I did yesterday of Kay. You can maybe guess who he is by the picture 😛

Finally, I’m going to blow some time rehashing this blog. I want to redesign it and make it all pretty and writing-focused. So hopefully that means lots more artworks, and writing-focused sections! Let me know who you think Kay is in the comments! And do tell me how you’ve been doing!

I wish you all the best ❤


Lo! Be-holden! Y’all know that when I mention dreams – character lives are about to be fucked up, haha.

And that holds true for this time! For (LO!) I had a dream wherein (drumroll) a certain character woke up in the wrong body. As in someone else’s body. As in – they didn’t die. As in… am I far enough down that the preview won’t show this writing? Becauuuuse -> Kuryo’s story might be making a comeback, y’all!

Now, trust me, no one is more sick of the loop-de-loops of that story than I am. I’m almost ready to just chuck the whole thing from the tip-top most of a tower, but hey. I’m stubborn and I really like Kuryo and Chaos as characters. I keep telling myself (as in, today) that at worst this is all just more rough drafting and * eventually * it will make some sort of sensical thing. I hope. I really, really, hope.

I mean, I really like those characters. It’s just – the story derails from me and I feel like I get lost in the plot. If only I could finish the damned thing, sort it all out, and make it make sense. I’m sure it would be a blast, once it’s properly polished! But, I derail myself.

What happened in the dream? What can we expect? Well, the jist of the dream was ‘Kuryo wakes up in someone else’s body and has to deal with adjusting to that person’s life’. Like, wow. Not too drastic considering his story. But it would mean he wakes up in another of the five Kuryo’s bodies. And does it mean the evil stabber gets his powers? I considered that last night, and it came to me in my sleep that she (the god-slayer/stabber of Kuryo) would appear, and make attempt #2 at the whole murdering thing.

But in the meanwhile, there’d be this whole ‘Kuryo adjusting to his new life’ phase, which I honestly thought could be cute and charming. Or it could be boring. Either way, there’s a new girlfriend involved, university life, and a whole ‘was that real or did I dream that whole thing while I was in a coma?’ thing.

What else has been happening in my writing life? I had an idea the other day (while being unable to sleep) that it could be really fun to write a gay romance, with the main character having schizophrenia. So the next day, I sat down to try and write it. But (LO!) the main character was not schizophrenic but rather had DID (ba-dum-tiss!). Which, if you know about them, they are completely different things. DID is pretty badly seen, so after debating to myself about whether I’d write it or not, I figured ‘what the hell’ and asked around if anyone I knew had DID to help me as a reference. Well. Almost 6? 7? people came forward from various groups I’m in to offer and help. So now I feel like I should write the book, just because these people seem to want it. Or at least they want to help write it. So, I’m going to be trying to write that, which is really daunting, to say the least. A big challenge!

Speaking of challenges (my last point of the day!) I apparently succeeded in my portrayal of an intersex character! I won’t tell you the details, but there is an intersex character in my latest Farfadel novel, and my sensitivity readers LOVED them! They said I aced my representation. SO I’m feeling pretty capable and happy. Honestly, I know portraying an intersex character is not the same as a mental illness/disorder, but it makes me feel like I can manage. It makes me feel powerful, in an author-y sense.

Oh, and (the real, really, final last point) – I have a sort-of manager now! I found a fellow pagan who was willing to help me advertise and market myself slowly, along with some merch to go along with my stories, and so … hopefully there will eventually be a more organized version of me as an author? I probably won’t say too much about this, as it’s rather private, but I am excited to get help organizing myself! And wouldn’t Farfadel merch be great? Imagine the possibilities!

Anyways, that’s that. I really hope y’all have a lovely day/evening ❤ take care y’all!

Chaos & Kuryo (novel 3) Chapter 19 Part 2

Chaos POV

There was a hissing noise, and Kuryo’s body began to disintegrate into a fine dust. The god-slayer opened her mouth, gawking and choking. “How-” she seemed to try and collect herself. “See- you’re a god-slayer.”

“Kuryo wasn’t a god,” I bit back. “He was my friend!” And lover. But close person first and foremost. Sex was just none of her business.

She took another deep breath. Then her eyes zeroed in on me. “Work with me. I will help you get what you want.”

“I want to fix things by stopping you!” I snapped. “Not making things worse-”

“You slayed an entire pantheon! We are no different-”

“That was an accident!” I shrieked. “I’m here to fix that!”

She laughed. “You think you can just bring the gods back to life? Like this?” and she turned, slashing her sword upon one of the hanging bodies. It sliced right through the midriff as I choked on my breath. The body writhed limply, but didn’t move. Again, there was no bleeding. The god-slayer turned to me. “See? They’re no better than snakes, or worms. You can cut them into so many pieces and yet they don’t quite die, unless-” she pointed her sword at me. “You kill them. You’re the god slayer here.”

“Me?” I was baffled! “How-”

“You’re Chaos,” she said sharply. “Aren’t you? Child of the Grim Reaper and Life?”

Oh. Ohhh. Oh. Hereditary powers and stuff. I wanted to smack my forehead, I felt so stupid. Right. Me, killing things. Because grim reaper powers. And yet – could I bring things back to life?

“You’re going to help me,” she said, marching over to another body. With a swing she began hacking at it, sending bits flying in all directions.

“Stop!” I yelled.

She turned to face me, arms extended. “I will! If you agree to help me!”


She hacked at another body. I screamed.

“Tell me what you want!” she shouted, slashing at yet another unfortunate body. I ran to her – and was jerked back.

“GO!” shouted a voice in my head as invisible hands wrestled me around and shoved me towards the door.

Kuryo? That was – okay, I can take a hint. I ran for the door, yanking at the thing.

“It won’t let you out,” called over the god slayer. “You’re stuck.”

I spun, plastering my back to the door. She was slowly advancing on me. “Even if you kill me, you can’t get out.”

Fuck this, I thought. I flicked out my swords, ready to chop her to little itty bitty bits- when the door burst open behind me.

RUN! A voice shouted in my head.

I caught a glimpse of pure horror and anger on the godslayers’ face (which was priceless, by the way) before running and bolting for it.

I could almost see a blue crow flying ahead of me as I ran down the halls. I got halfway through there before I realized I wasn’t running in there anymore. I was in a haze of darkness, being pulled away and through the world.

Oh hey, I knew this feeling. Kuryo?

Hey, a voice answered in my head. Just stay still.

Things slipped by, and it felt like I fell unconscious because, in a blip!, I was suddenly awake in a way I hadn’t been for some time. I felt super awake. Aware. Alert. All that, and more.

We were before what looked like the strangest building I’d ever seen. It was part cathedral, part castle, and part modern mansion. It had spired juttign out and crystal-esque windows and a large gate that we were standing before. And yet there were patches missing in the stones, showing through to wooden foundations. Was that even how houses were built? I wasn’t sure – And took a minute to look around.

We were on a bit of lawn, and that was it. The lawn literally dropped off into space. Well that – that was a unique way to set yourself aside from the neighbors?

I looked around. This building, us, we were just suspended in space. I saw, far away, satellites and planets and stars and even a galaxy. Super cool but-

“Welcome to the Academy,” said Kuryo from my side.

I yelled, jumping back. Then I lunged and tried to hug him. I slipped straight through and fell flat on my face in the grass. I tasted plastic. The lawn wasn’t real? Huh.

Scrambling up, I faced Kuryo. “You’re alive! I mean-” I took another look. He was semi transparent, wearing his usual blue sweatshirt and jeans, but he looked far more miserable than usual. “You’re here?” I said hopefully.

“I am here,” he said grimly. “But here is not where I’d want to be.”

I looked to the building. “What is this?”

“The Academy,” he nodded at the shabby building. “This is it.”

“It’s a building?” I was confused, okay? “I thought it was – a person?”

He gave me a look. “It’s an institution. It is both people and a location.”

Pow, that was the sound of part of my brain struggling to keep up with this. Kuryo put a hand on my shoulder. Then another on my other. He looked me squarely in the eyes. “We need to get Charr back. She is still alive, and the other Charrs- they are going to give birth to the Trinity.”

“The Trinity?”

“Yes. So we have to-” He took a deep breath and glanced at the building. “Negotiate.”


He gave me a look that probably said ‘stop just repeating everything I say’. “Yes.”

“I could have taken her. The godslayer. I’m the child of the grim reaper- I can kill things!”

He frowned, as if he’d already known that. “You can’t kill her,” he said slowly. “She’s just like the academy. An institution. If you cut down one limb, another will regrow.”

I blanked. “She was a person. I saw her.”

“But she was part of an institution. I know this. So-”

Something moved. We both turned and watched as an impressive door swung open – and Charr walked out. The un-pregnant Charr. Our Charr, dressed in her usual plain black shirt and black jeans and thick boots.

Kuryo gawked, squeezing my shoulder with one hand. The other slid to hang by his side. “We need to-” and he seemed lost for words.

I drew myself up. “I’ve got this.” I did. I was a god-slayer! I was the Grim Reaper’s child! I-

The gate swung open sideways, sliding out of the way. Charr smirked haughtily in a way that just wasn’t ‘her’. “Welcome, world weaver,” she said nastily. Then, with a tilt of the head at me she added “and god slayer.”

We looked at each other. I guess everyone’s getting the fancy titles, then?

Charr gestured in a wide sweep of the arm. “Come, enter,” she said, and it sounded almost sensual, in a not right kind of way.

I looked to Kuryo, but he was glaring at Charr. Squaring his shoulders, he marched on towards her. I followed, and Charr smirked as we drew to her side. The gate shut with a clang, without me having even seen it shut.

Chaos & Kuryo (novel 3) Chapter 19 Part 1

Chaos POV

It was a stupid idea. Just – only I would think of something like it.

“Just walk out there and say you want to meet her,” the other me had suggested. Stupid idea.

Stupider yet, I tried it.

“Hey!” I stood in the middle of a street full of medieval peasants. On one side of the street, before tall buildings that looked straight out of the modern era, there were several knights in shining armor. “Shit-faces!” I called out, marching towards the knights.

The knights lifted their visors. Peasants rushed just out of the way – then turned around and stared. It was like a good old-fashioned showdown. Me on one side of the street, the knights on the other. I began crossing the open space. People gasped and pointed.

“Demon!” More than one cried out. Why? Must be the eyeliner or something.

I marched straight up to the guards, flicking my swords out into my hands. That made them jump and recoil. Ten steps away from them I stopped. “I want to meet the god-slayer!” I declared.

The guards took a good look at each other. Then, as one, they charged at me. Crap.

I took them head on, magic coursing over my swords. Metal clashed on metal, and I began making short work of them. These were certainly not as well trained as those who had been attacking the nuns. I needed no fancy tricks to knock them to the ground and skewer them mercilessly.

The last three, as seemed usual, began to run away. I chased after them, wholly expecting to be led into a trap. They would round a corner and bam! There would be a hundred of them and I would be screwed.

But still, I chased after them. Maybe because I trusted the Sephira to be watching out for me? Maybe, more likely, I just knew that I had to. I had to do this.

We rounded a corner and the three soldiers disappeared into a building. I chased – and was stopped by a very solid door that refused to open.

“Augh!” I shouted, kicking at the solid glassy thing that was most definitely not fragile. Stepping back, I was thinking of which spell to cast when a voice said “Hey, demon.”

I spun. There, in the middle of the empty street was a young woman, probably in her twenties. She was all in black, a scarf wrapped around her head, wearing a long shirt and jeans with a sword in her hand. “You were looking for me?” she asked, striding forward.

“Are you the god slayer?” I asked sharply. I was busy!

“That is me,” she said crisply, drawing to a stop beside me. The door opened for her, and she waved at me to enter. “Come.”

Uhh. I looked from her to the door, and back. “Why?” I asked.

“Because it’s polite,” she said flatly. “Or do you want to speak in the street?”

I just looked at her. Was this a trap? I really didn’t know what to do.

“Are you a friend of Kuryo?” she asked. “He’s inside.”

“Kuryo?” my eyes flew wide. “I’m looking for him!”

She nodded into the door. Okay. I walked in, senses on high alert.

We were met by the most polite-looking reception desk. The god slayer marched past it, and we went into an elevator. Or at least, it was like an elevator. It sort of lifted us up in a ray of light and vwoosh- we were up on another floor.

“You must tell me what you are here for,” she said as we began walking down a starchy corridor, all white and steel.

“I am here from the Sephira,” I said flatly. “I’m to stop you from killing any more gods.”

“Hmm.” she looked at me from the corner of her eyes. Then, with another ‘hmm’, she smiled. She gestured to a door on the right, the only one there. “Your friend is in here.”

I let her open the door. Our eyes crossed, and she ushered me in with a neutral face. Or was there a smirk?

Cold air struck my face. A smell, a smell of – battlefield? Spices? Somehow, I knew it was Kuryo, and a very unhappy Kuryo at that. Without thinking, I launched into the room.

It was like a giant meat freezer, complete with corpses and all. There, on giant hooks, dangled beings with halos, crowns, and mystical animals wrapped around them. But there, closest to the door-

“Kuryo?” I yelled, running towards him. I skidded on a patch of ice and almost collided with him.

Kuryo spasmed. He was hanging from a hook that was protruding from his collarbone, his eyes rolled back in his head. He wasn’t breathing- but I could tell he wasn’t dead either.

“He hasn’t died. None of them have,” she said calmly, stepping to my side. She crossed her arms, looking Kuryo up and down. “It’s strangely hard to kill them.”

“What?” I looked from her to Kuryo.

She nodded at the room. “These are the ones who wouldn’t die.” Then, tilting her head to the side, she added. “Help me kill them.”

“What?” I fairly yelled. I patted Kuryo’s face, felt his arms. I wasn’t sure what I was doing. Searching for some sign of life? There was none, but – I swore he moved, his arms twitching.

“You want to negotiate? Hear me out. You will have your friend back, if and only if you help me kill the last of the gods.”

“What?” I repeated, panic flooding my mind. Kill the last of the gods?

“The gods are a pest on these worlds, and they are cruel and fickle. I will give you back your friend, sans powers, if you help me with the last of the gods.”

“I can’t do that!” Morally, I meant. Killing one god was enough-

“I know who you are,” she said sweetly. “You’re a god slayer too.”

“I am no such thing!” I stepped between her and Kuryo. “I-”

“Chaos,” she said sweetly. “Don’t you want your friend back?” Yet she drew her sword.

Behind me, a tortured sound escaped Kuryo. From the corner of my eye, I saw him spasm, head flinging back. I stepped to him, and his hand gripped at my arm. It was a death-grip, vice like and too strong for Kuryo. His eyes suddenly focused on me, and they were desperate.

She stepped to us, sword scraping over the floor. “Or should I kill him before you? Just to make a point?”

I flicked out my swords – and my arm was yanked. With a sickening thud, I felt the sword slam into flesh. Into Kuryo, dead in the heart.

“NO!” screamed the woman. In a flash her sword swung – I ducked – and Kuryo’s head went rolling. I staggered back, my sword dripping cold blood. The body, headless, didn’t dance or anything. It didn’t even spout blood. It was cold.

But she wasn’t. Her eyes were wide and she was breathing like she’d run a marathon. Wild, her eyes fixated on me. “Where is she? Where- do you have the powers?”

“What powers?” I asked stupidly.

Chaos & Kuryo (novel 3) Chapter 18 part 1

Kuryo’s POV

I stepped outside of the room and faced the god-killer. She was resting against the wall beside the door, arms crossed and standing on one foot. She looked me up and down, then nodded approvingly. “You look good,” she said.

Uh, what?

“You suit yourself,” she explained. “Your body and soul are in relative harmony.”

Sure. I looked her up and down. So she had some powers then.

Standing off the wall, she nodded towards the room. “Don’t worry about the body you left. Chimera doesn’t need it now. They tend to switch bodies rather often.”


She looked me up and down again, stepping to before me. “So,” she inclined her head in a greeting. “Nice to meet you, world weaver.”

“Nice to meet you too,” I muttered under my breath. Now what did she want?

“I want to apologize for Chimera’s actions towards you.” she said calmly. “They shouldn’t have tried to eat you, in a sort of way.”

I nodded. She hesitated. “You don’t talk much, do you?” she asked playfully.

“I’d like to leave now,” I said, bitterness tinging my words. “With my friends.”

“Of course you may. Once the child is born, you may leave with the mother as well.”

I hesitated. “You are keeping the baby?”

The god-killed nodded. “Of course.”

“What for?” I asked slowly, dreading the answer. This could go either well or badly…

“To kill it,” she said without even a hint of shame. “It is a god, the trinity, trying to be born. It must be destroyed.”

Oh, goddammit. WHY?

“The death of the Trinity across various worlds is what allowed us to begin crossing the dimensions. It would radically strengthen the gods to have the Trinity re-created. I will not allow them to retrieve their stranglehold on the worlds once more.”

I almost whined. “Come on,” I pleaded. “Why do you have to kill a baby? It’s just a baby!”

“It’s a god!” she said icily. “I will not allow them to return!”

I took a deep breath. “I,” I felt myself on the brink of a decision. Couldn’t I just go home? Just leave all this behind?

You know what? Why not? I held up my hands and ducked my head. “Whatever. I’m not involved.”

“Good,” she said, obviously amused. “I am glad for that.”

Yeah, I suppose. I was none too pleased, though. Something tickled the back of my mind, but I wasn’t sure what. Something just was – off.

She gestured before us. “Are you hungry?”

“Why were you searching for me?” I asked sourly. “You had me hunted down. And now you want to let me go home?”

“Things have changed,” she said. Again, she gestured forward. “Come, let’s go.”

Irritated, I turned. Big mistake. I knew it the moment my back was to her. Just a tingling in the back of my mind, a knowledge that I had left myself vulnerable.

The nasty thing was that I knew it, that I didn’t feel it. There was no murderous vibe, just the sudden stab of pain through my back.

Now so close, she whispered in my ear, one arm holding me up. “Surely you knew that whoever killed you gained your powers. I’m sorry, world weaver.” And then the knife twisted, pain shooting through me.

Chaos & Kuryo (novel 3) Chapter 17 part 2

Kuryo’s POV

Charr was in a lower level of this ridiculously large building. I made my way down, trying to look like I knew what I was doing. From the looks I was receiving and the brain-waves I was pickign up on, I wasn’t doing too good a job.

“What’s ‘the thing’ doing down here?” thought the guards along the final corridor.

“Now what? Come to gloat some more?” thought the next guard.

I glared straight ahead as much as I could through this stupid headdress and marched on.

Then, I felt the ripple through the air. Something, in a capital ‘s’, had arrived. It moved air, it took up space, and it was now in the building.

Shit. Fuck. The reinforcements were here. Whoever it was that the goon had gone to fetch, that must have been it. They’d portaled in or something.

I rushed through the building, not caring whether I blew my cover or not. I had to find Charr.

I was in the final corridor. There was steel all over, guards spattered here and there, and important-looking doors. But at the end, at the very end, was a door that led to somewhere else. And there, beyond, I sensed Charr.

I was within twenty feet of the door. Fifteen. A door swung open behind me.

“There you are,” called out a female voice with a peculiar accent. I recognized the meaning of the words despite the sounds being in another language.

I spun, and my heart stopped.

She was tall, dressed in black jeans and a black tunic-esque top, and bore a black scarf draped around her head and shoulders. Her eyes were brown, her skin a dark hue on the blacker scale, and there was gold glinting on her eyelids. There was a katana-esque sword in her hands. There was nothing presumptuous about her, really. She wasn’t wearing skulls and scalps, after all. She oughtn’t to have made my heart stop, but she did. There was a power emanating from her that made me realize that this, this, was the god-slayer.

“Weaver of worlds,” she called out. “Don’t run from me.”

I hesitated. Should I bolt for it? Did I have a chance of, really, making it anywhere without my wings?

So I stood my ground. She dismissed the guards with a flick of a gloved wrist. They scattered like marbles, many choosing to run past me instead of her.

Once they were all gone, disappeared into doors and staircases, she began to stride forward.

“I ordered everyone to bring you to me once you were found,” she said. “But it seems that the idiot tried to contain you. How foolish.”

She drew to a stop before me. “I apologize for that,” she said. Then she bowed her head respectfully.

I hesitated. What the fuck? What fuckery was this?

“Hi,” I tried to say, but this throat wouldn’t let me.

She drew up and frowned as I touched my throat. Dropping my hands, I let out a breath. On a whim, I decided not to speak in her mind. Let her think that I couldn’t.

“We will have to find you a new body,” she said tartly. “Come.”

She turned on her heels and marched away. I did a double take. She just turned her back on me? Was that a sort of ‘fuck you’? Or was she just trusting? Somehow, I doubted it was the second one. But she was being weirdly nice?

I trotted after her.

In silence, we stepped into the elevator-esque thing at the end of the corridor. Within seconds, we reapparated several flights up, with a ding. Had to have the ding effect in there.

With a slight smile at me, she led the way. This corridor led to a set of double doors that opened into a dark room. She clapped her hands and lights went on.

Whoah. There were bodies everywhere in here, filling tubes that were stacked everywhere, reminescent of the ship that had kidnapped me.

“You could pick one,” she said as if she did this every day. “Or, if you want something exactly like you had,” and she waved me over to a station full of buttons and screens. “Your bodies’ data might have been entered into the database once you were captured.”

She tapped around the screen. I pointed when the photograph of my unfortunate copy came up. The one that had had the spike through his head.

“That one?” she asked with a strange smile.

I nodded, and she tapped buttons. I drew back, not sure where the body was going to come from.

“Over there,” she pointed to a bubbling tube.

Hesitantly, I stepped over to it. There, indeed, a body was being… made? Modified? It was weird. It was as if a zillion robots got together to build the largest building ever, as fast as possible.

Within seconds, I was staring at a replica of my body. It was me alright… pre-surgery. My heart plummeted. Shit. Should have gone with a pre-made body maybe.

The god-killer stepped up behind me, a pile of clothing in her arms. “Here. I’ll give you a moment,” she said before handing the clothes to me and leaving the room.

Requisite moment of privacy letter, I was finally back in a body that was sort of mine. I was still cursing myself about the gender problem, but hey. I rubbed some of that strange liquid out of my hair with the towel. Alright. Time to go and actually say hi.

Chaos & Kuryo (novel 3) Chapter 17 Part 1

Chaos POV

“We don’t have to do this,” I moaned, trying to exploit any crevice I could.

Unfortunately, nun me was made of iron. Her bones were steel and her soul forged in the dark fires of her own making. She was kneeling before the statue, deep in prayer.

I, on the other hand, was standing around beside her, bound to her. I couldn’t touch her, couldn’t leave more than five meters away from her, and was, basically, stuck to her like by flexible glue.

I kicked at a pew, furious. “Come on!” I shouted. “I’ve got things to do! Places to be!”

Nun me mouthed at her prayers, ignoring me like sin itself.

Wailing, I flopped down onto the floor. I squeezed my eyes shut and took deep breaths. It didn’t help. Popping my eyes open, I saw the mother Mary statue leering down at me. Above, the ceiling was dark and tall. Very nondescript.

I sat up. “How much longer are you going to do that for? I’ve got stuff to do!”

Nun me was unmoved. I got up and paced. If I walked too far, it was like a bungee cord on my soul, ready to pop me straight out of my body.

Argl! I stomped my boots on the floor and made as much noise as I could. When I reached her side again, I stooped to yell in her ear. “HEY!”

She flinched, but that was it. With a huff I sat down beside her. Glaring up at the statue, I decided to try and think.

It wasn’t very easy. My mind was an angry buzz. I’d been tricked and trapped again. The Sephira had definitely called me here – just to chain me to my devout other form. Gah!

I eyeballed the statue. Mother Mary wasn’t supposed to be the Sephira, from my shoddy understanding of that pantheon. So why was she now, here, the Sephira? Maybe because she had simply been the last one alive?

I plunked my chin into my palm. Bluh. What was I supposed to do now?


Kuryo POV

It was difficult to find the way out of this soul. It’s even harder to describe. It was all a swathe of emotions, of shifting from one strangely bleak landscape to another. It was like riding through layers of consciousness, each one more graphicly decorated with gruesome memories than the last. Finally, I felt the reaching of skin.

Dropping the stork, I threw myself forward, stretching out my powers to seize the body. Pop! Just like that, I was in control. I was aware, awake, and seeing and sensing through the body. Great.

In the back of my mind, someone was throwing a screaming tantrum. I ignored them, taking stock of where I was.

First things first, I brushed this ridiculous hairdo out of my eyes and took a solid look around. I was in a scantily decorated bedroom. There was a spartan bed, dresser chest, the works, all in a space-futuristic style. Nothing medieval to it. Okay.

Testing the body, I stood up. It worked. Now I was on my feet. Patting myself down, I looked myself over. Dressed in black robe with pants under. Okay, this could work. I could do this.

In the back of my mind, the person was trying their very best to shake me out of my spot. “How dare you? How dare you?” they screamed.

I just ignored them, swallowing a sarcastic comment. No need to fuel the flames.

“You will regret this!” they wailed.

Then, with a jump and leap – they left the body.

The relief of it nearly knocked me to my knees. It was like huge weight lifting from me, everywhere. Straightening, I felt so ridiculously lighter. For a moment, I thought that this was good! Great even!

Then, I doubled down on that thought. Where were they going? As they had left, the soul had been vengeful, focused on revenge. They certainly hadn’t gone for the sake of getting a picnic. They were going to get help.

Okay, so I had to get out of here and home as fast as possible. Okay, okay. I took another look around. I had to get my body, get home. Okay.

I focused for a minute, willing my senses to track down my body. It was in this same building, layers down and – ew. Decomposing?

Fuck. I snapped my eyes open and looked around, trying not to be too upset. That was my body. The one I’d transitioned in and worked so hard to belong in. Nevermind that now I was stuck in this one. Fuck, fuck. No body. Okay.

Closing my eyes once more, I tried to think of a way out. I couldn’t fly, my spiritual wings were still cut. Maybe I could get onto one of those ships, but that might take too long. How would I-

Charr. A version of Charr was here, right? That’s what Kuryo had been looking for. I had to find her.

With a deep breath, I set my senses to work. Where was Charr?

Oh no! No Spoilers!

So today was a sleepy and lazy day. I was so lethargic and had no motivation whatsoever that I thought I wasn’t going to write. I just didn’t want to, and saw no use in forcing myself.

Luckily, that phase passed quickly enough and I got to writing this evening! I wrote a thousand words in Ranger’s story. The first novel (it’s a trilogy, I think) is almost done! I’m just about to the ‘big finale’ of that novel, and it’s so exciting!

I must say, I feel so privileged to be able to write like this. I finally have enough mental power and peace of mind to write clearly, and it shows. My writing has never been this cohesive and flowed so easily. And I have the time to write! A great spoil in and of itself!

But I digress. After working on Ranger’s story, I wrote in Chaos & Kuryo’s novel. UGHHHH. I’m not a fan of that section I wrote. It does it’s thing, sure, but – it’s not magical. I want magic, dammit! I want it to be captivating and enthralling and it just felt like filler. Like, the stuff had to happen but it wasn’t going to be interesting. Meh!

Anyways, there’s NO SPOILERS in this rant because -> I have no idea what happens next for Chaos or Kuryo. Nada. I’m like, a blank slate before the proverbial page. I’m slightly out of motivation, I’m not going to lie. My mind is very much caught up in Ranger’s story (much epic! much action! much romance!). I’d much rather be indulging in that story now, but there’s only so much I can write of a certain story each day. I usually only write between a thousand and two thousand words per story, then it becomes painful to keep going. So yeah, it takes me a while to make progress. Comparatively, when I began taking Abilify (and was a little wired and determined out of my mind) I was making myself write five thousand words a day in ‘a Tale of Two Queens’. It progressed so quickly!

Some days I miss being able to get that many words down a day. But then I remember how much pressure I’d placed upon myself and go naah. I’m much better off sticking to a few thousand instead of absolutely must be five thousand. I have a bit more of a life now, and am much happier!

Anyways, all that to say that today was a sleepy day and not much progress was made 🙂 And that’s fine. I’m okay with it, because I trust myself to keep on going, and I know it’s my persistence that keeps my stories finishing, even if it is at a slower pace than I’d like!

Also, I’m starting to debate what I’ll do with Ranger’s story. Hmm. Should I get beta readers? Should I edit the first novel and share it, or write all three of the trilogy then edit and share for cohesiveness? How do ‘professional’ authors do it? I think they do it book by book, but I’m worried about wanting to change a detail in the beginning as I write the ending. But would I really change that much? I don’t do much in way of editing so unless I grow a massive editing arm, it’s highly unlikely I’ll change lots of details. Hmmm…

As always, I wish you all the best! Lots of love to you all ❤

Chaos & Kuryo (novel 3) Chapter 16 part 2

Kuryo POV

I woke up in a dingy, marsh-like feeling. The world around me was dirt brown and squishy. I was in human form, tied very tightly to a chair.

Okay, no panic. I tried to pull myself together. For the first time in what felt like ever, I was truly alone. No Suzy hovering somewhere within me. It was strangely liberating and frightening at the same time.

Except- was I really alone? I took another look around, throwing out my senses. Where was I? Still within that strange weirdo, or was I somewhere else?

I couldn’t feel anything. There was no energy here. Even these ropes, they were… nothing.

I jumped my chair, looking around and around. Nothing but brown nothingness.

“Help?” I called out. “Anyone? Someone?”

Far away, a bird cawed in answer. I squinted and looked around again. “Help!” I called out. “Over here!”

I felt it with my tingly senses before my sight. It was a giant stork, flying over.

I watched it, feeling it and exploring it mentally before it landed before me. In the back of my mind, I was hoping it hadn’t come to peck my eyes out. There was something icky about this bird, a dark and vengeful ick.

As it landed, it transformed into the weirdo who had trapped me in the first place. “Hello,” they sneered, orange eyes glinting beyond the weird headdress they wore.

Oh, now it talks, I thought snarkily.

It didn’t seem to be able to read into my mind, cocking its head to the side. “Nothing to say? Just a minute ago you were yelling your fool head off-”

“What do you want?” I asked, interrupting them. I didn’t feel like listening to some villain’s gloating monologue. “Why am I here? And where am I?”

“You’re still within me,” they sneered.

So that’s why this place looks like crap.

“And I thought you were paying attention last time. Did you miss the part where we nearly had the worlds undone?”

Did they miss the part where that wouldn’t have happened if they hadn’t been kidnappers?

“Also, you should know what I want.”

Oh, good grief. Who had time for these kind of games? “And what’s that?” I asked, feeling tired from all this already.

“I want your powers,” they hissed excitedly. “I want to be able to weave the worlds.”

“It’s not as fun as it sounds, trust me,” I said lamely.

They tilted their head and glared at me, their lips set in a definite unhappy spot.

“Look,” I said. “Untie me. I can’t go far from your body or I’ll die. That would undo the worlds and we don’t want that, right? So just let me go, and I won’t go far. How’s that for starters?”

They frowned. They glared. I could feel their mind churning, but knew that a sparkle of curiosity and excitement would win out. I was their latest toy and they wanted to play with me.

“Fine,” they said eventually. “Be free.”

The ropes vanished -and so did the chair. I landed butt first in squishy mud. They laughed like it was the best of jokes. Asshole.

I stood up gingerly, shaking mud from my hands. “Alright, asshole,” oops! I said that out loud?

They sneered, crossing their arms. “Asshole? You’re my guest. You’d be dead now if it wasn’t for me-”

Yeah, yeah, shut up. Wiping my hands on my jeans, I looked around. “How do we get out of here?” I asked.

“You don’t,” they said smugly. “One must fly out of here. Which you can’t do.” And they laughed, again.

I suddenly wished I had Chaos’ butt kicking powers. If I punched them as I was, I’d probably hurt myself more than them.

“Show me your powers!” they gloated. “Do something.”

I scowled and looked around again. I sensed a great, vast, nothing. How could I get out of here?

“Show me your bird form, and I’ll show you a trick,” I said with an exasperated sigh.

Without thinking twice, they did. A giant stork stood before me, tall as I was. Great. Excellent.

“Here’s the trick,” I said, stretching out my powers and seizing control of said stork.

The stork squawked and fought back, but I was stronger. Great! Like a second, er, third arm, I stretched out their wings and jumped on its back.

It was a good thing I knew how to fly, for they were struggling so much that I couldn’t tap into their motor skills. I just slid myself over their body and moved it the way I knew how to for myself. Clumsily, awkwardly, we hopped up and took off. Yeah!