HAPPY SCREAMING!

*screams incoherently*

You know when they say that dreams *can* come true? Well a major one of mine just did!

Ladies and Gentlefolx, I am SO FUCKING PROUD to announce that Farfadel will now be sold IRL in a Queer Bookshop, namely the fabulous ‘Philly AIDS Thrift @ Giovanni’s Room‘!!!!!

Giovanni’s Room is an amazing bookshop with a whole wealthy smack-gob of history behind it, as well as being a thrift shop (we all know thrift shops are the best!). These amazing folks have agreed to sell Farfadel’s magical story with you all, and I couldn’t (really!) be more excited!

So what does this mean? Well! If you live in the states, you can order from them at this link for a Tale of Two Queens and this one for A Tale of Adelaide and Shadow! If you already have a copy of my books, and want to support them directly, this is their donation link.

But what else?! I am just SO excited, y’all, I’m thinking of doing some sort of a giveaway! I’m thinking some free coloring pages, some artwork, SOMETHING to celebrate and raise the volume on this awesome shop! So if you have an idea of what you’d like to see done, let me know! And if you know of a local indie shop that you think needs some Farfadel in it, message them, and let me know about it!

And finally, thank you all SO MUCH for your support over the years. It means the world to me!

Take care ❤

Another Farfadel Novel!

Wow! I got into a writing groove today and FINISHED the Farfadel novel I was working on! As in, I finished the rough draft. Roughly. In the draft form, 😄.

What is this novel about? Well its hugely LGBT+, and a romance, and a happy silly novel. Also it has dinosaurs 🦕 🦖, so you know you need to read it!

But on a more serious note, im finding myself wondering how im going to go about getting the news of my novel out there. Im so bad at networking. Whenever someone does end up reading my novels, especially the Farfadel ones, I get rave reviews. But I just have to get them out there. And I dont want to do traditional publishing (you need the same amount of so ial networking anyways). I think it would be really hard to traditionally sell an lgbt+ childrens book, to be honest.

So, I’m thinking of doing a book tour, on the blogosphere and other places on the web. Do you want to help out? I can give out goodies like pdfs of my book, mail you bookmarks and pictures and stuff like that in exchange for a certain amount of help!

Anyways, please comment on this blog if you’re interested, have ideas for me, or just want to chat, or message me at mdaoust245@gmail.com! I’d really love to get some help and I’m sure you can’t wait to read more about Farfadel so… win win? Hahaha, I wish you all the best! Have a lovely day ❤

The future book cover, maybe!

How to Write ~ Part 2

Writing! Oh, that mystical thing! How do we do it? People say there’s nothing to it, that it’s not magical, and I beg to differ.

Here’s the thing. Writing is, in itself, a craft. Much like knitting, it takes technique, practice, and experimenting with different techniques for someone to become fluent in it. But then what happens? You want to express something, and you create art.

See, a craft is meaningless, but it’s a gateway for the birth of art, which is meaningful.

So, you can have the world’s greatest idea, but without honing your craft first, you’re never going to be able to express that idea.

Alright, cool, we all want to make art. How do we do it?

If you’ve read the previous post, you now have an ‘idea’, and a ‘feel’. These are your precious nuggets of how you’re going to actually ‘write’.

Pretty much like knitting, writing is deceptively simple. You write. Duh. You stick words on paper/computer file. Wow, so artistic, you think.

But it’s not that simple. Writing, in my opinion, uses both the creative and logical parts of the brain, because it uses the logical side to write words, but the creative side to choose these words (I’m not a doctor here, this is just my theory okay?).

Now, here’s the thing. For me, there’s a ‘zone’ I get into when writing. It doesn’t feel like just sticking words on paper. Usually when I’m doing that, it turns out like crap. Stilted and blah. It isn’t art when I’m doing that. Why? I’d like to theorize that when I’m just sticking words onto paper, I’m not expressing the story, which is stored away in some spirit-bubble-dimension or what have you.

I like to think that good writing is like channeling a spirit, tapping into intuition. Something ‘clicks’ inside of you and the words flow. You get into the ‘feel’ and you intuitively choose the right words to create the art.

Alright, that’s all good and cool. We all want art, we all want ‘the magical flow’, so how do we get that?

Here’s another thing. It takes practice. Just like channeling (whether you believe in it or not), or even trance-work, you’re working on getting your brain to do a certain thing. Whether you’re taking an image/story bubble from within your mind or some spirit’s mind, you’re taking that story bubble/thoughtform and tapping into it, and then shooting it out your fingers onto the computer! Sort of. But you get the idea, don’t you?

One way I’ve found to express a story is to F&F. Forget the idea and Focus on the feel. Because unless you’re writing a textbook, the feel is what you’re immersing in. So, just for a moment, Forget about the ‘what’ and ‘how’. Forget all the technicalities and Focus on the ‘feel’. Think in images. Think in smells. Think (and here’s the real goal) in feelings. Express that feeling.

How the FUCK does one do that?

Well, let’s take get back to the apple and the knife cutting it. What ‘feeling’ does a knife give off, in this context? Is it destructive? Protective? A shield, a mental barrier, standing between an attacker and a defender? What color is it? What texture is it? Is it silver and glinting and sharply sparkling?

Sure, you can say that the knife is sharp and pointy. But if you transmit what it represents and the ‘feel’ of it in the story as a whole, you’re on to something.

Same goes for the apple, same goes for everything you write. Nothing in art is ever just an apple and a knife. It’s patriarchy versus matriarchy. It’s the industrial versus the farm. It’s steel against flesh. See where I’m going here? Everything can be so much more, and it’s this ‘so much more’ that you’re aiming for.

If you can do that, you’re well on your way to writing art.

Alright, so let’s talk concrete tips here.

Put music on that suits your theme. Are you writing rain and tragedy? Listen to rainy mood music. Put on incense that suits your intended ‘feel’. Heck, even get dressed up if it helps you. The point is: do anything that helps you get imitating that desired ‘feeling’. Once you’re in the mood imitating it, you can closer tap into the intended ‘feeling’.

Another tip that people say a lot is: write a lot. Write about anything and everything. Yeah, that’s great and all, but I’ve got another idea. Every day, try and write out your dreams.

Uh huh, not so easy, is it? Why? Because our dreams can sound silly and pointless, but when we were immersed in them, they carried so much ‘meaning’ and ‘feel’ to them. And that’s exactly what you’re wanting to get good at. If you can express the tragedy and terror of a nightmare, no matter the ridiculous premise of it, then you’re on to something.

Also, if you’re anything like me, you only half-remember your dreams. Writing these out and making them make sense is a great way to get used to tying ideas in together and ‘fill in the gaps’. This is also good memory practice, too.

Finally, dreams are connected to our intuition. I’m quite sure that writing out our dreams helps us tap into our subconscious or something like that. I think this could be mighty useful.

Now, I’m going to end these tips with one tip that I was told by a writing teacher, which I’ve honestly never tried but always thought was super cool: copy out another author’s work. Just that. Pick someone you want to write like, and copy out pages of their work.

If you struggle with getting a ‘feel’, this could be a way to gain one. The idea behind this is that you immerse into the ‘feel’ that the author created and, by copying it out, develop the mental pathways for those word choices. This will allow you to literally ‘think along those lines’ when trying to write your own works.

Ultimately, there is one final pointer I need to give you: -> Fuck It.

My best writing, my breakthroughs in tones, my great ideas, usually reveal themselves once I go ‘Fuck It!’ (with the exclamation mark) and just go with the flow and write whatever I want/feel for. It’s probably unorthodox, but I really stand by it. If you’re getting frustrated and feel like you’re reaching a breaking point, then just go ahead and break and see what happens next. Really, if art is what you’re aiming for, you’ve got to let the subconscious/mystical take over at some point.

How does one ‘Fuck It’? I don’t mean for anyone to get all violent and throw chairs at the walls. My ‘fuck it!’s are always quiet, internal affairs. I don’t lash out at anyone or start smoking or drinking or anything. In fact, – let it be known that I never write under influence of anything more than a light beer.

The art of ‘fuck it’ is really to just let go.  Let go of how you ‘think’ it should be, and just let it be it’s own thing. Really, that’s it. Stop thinking, and let the spirit move you. Let the story show itself to you instead of you creating it. Put your mind on the back burner and let the characters do their work.

It may sound like mystical mumbo jumbo, but that’s what works for me. I hope it works for you, too.

Thank you so much for reading my post! Do you feel like your writing is ‘channeling’/’tapping’ into something? Do you feel there is a mystical edge to the writing process? Let me know what you think!

As always, have a lovely day/evening. Much love to you all ❤

How to Start Writing ~Part 1

I tend to write a bunch. But one thing that (fatefully) I said the other day, was that I couldn’t write about writing. And now someone has asked me to do just that – and I think I can do it.

Let’s just explain something for starters here. There are two kinds of authors out there: plotters and pantsters. Plotters ‘plot’ out everything that they want to happen before they write it. Pantsters ‘fly by the seat of their pants’ and wing it.

Theoretically, plotting is the smarter way to write. But practically, it leads to stale, choked-up writing in my experience. Pantsting can lead to more of a ‘feel’, but then can need massive editing and lots of work tying in ‘loose ends’.

Ideally, therefore, you’re going to be a mixture of both. You want to be flexible, but have an idea as to where you’re going.

So let’s start with starters. What do you need to start? I’m going to put my hand down and say that you need Two Things to start. They are: 1) an idea, and 2) a ‘feel’.

Now let’s start with the first one: an idea. What counts as ‘an idea’ in the writing world? Well, basically anything that you can shape a story around. It can be either a) character-based or b) plot-based. Now, again, ideally, you’re going to want an idea that’s a bit of both, but I find that authors tend to be either one or the other in their emphasis.

So, a character-based story is all about the ‘who’, the personality of your characters, their development and their emotions. Here is where quirky characters come forth and charm the readers.

A plot-based idea will grab the readers with intrigue, suspense, and mind-bending notions. It’s all about the ‘how’ and ‘what’ behind the story.

Again, ideally, your idea will have a bit of both to it. But really, don’t be shocked if you find yourself placing emphasis on one or the other. That’s really how it goes (in my experience).

Okay, okay, but how much do you really need as far as an idea goes? Here’s the fun truth: That depends entirely on you.

The entire basis for Chaos’ novel series was a dream that was, literally, ‘teenager named Chaos gets picked up off the highway by a trucker’. One sentence, and really, honestly, nothing more. I spun a series I’m still working on from there. That’s because I don’t need much to spin a story off of. That’s just the way I am. Other people, however, may not be like that. They’re going to need a setting, a plot figured out, a character arc, and maybe even more before they even set ink to paper (so to speak).

Now here’s an essential thing to this ‘idea’. It’s got to interest you. The reason I wrote down Chaos’ story was because something about that teenager on the side of the highway intrigued me. It still does, almost a year later, after writing on it almost every day. So this idea has to really, really, interest you in a long-term kind of way.

A good test that I sometimes do, is just to wait on the whole writing out the idea. Wait a few weeks and see if the dream comes back (if it was a dream), if you still care about it, and if you still want to write about it.

If, two weeks later, you’re still captivated and have built up the idea, congrats! You’ve now got an idea. If not, then oh well. It wasn’t an idea for you.

Now, okay, we’ve covered the ‘idea’. What about this mysterious ‘feel’? What’s a ‘feel’?

The ‘feel’ is the tone of the story. It’s the setting and theme and message and style all rolled into one. Will it be narrated by a peppy, sarcastic, cheerleader? Is it grim? Is it patronizing? This ‘feel’ will dictate the metaphorical color that stains your page. If it’s a ‘dark’ story, or if it’s ‘serious’.

Why is this so important? Because it affects literally every word you write. Because it dictates where you start the story, how you start it, and how you tell it.

Consider these few sentences.

• The knife sliced through the apple.
• The knife made its way through the apple.
• The blade, dangerously sharp, cut through the helpless apple’s flesh without remorse.
• Forsooth! The blade, quickeningly sharp and ah, so vile, cut its evil way through the pure fruit, pouring forth sticky juice and raw flesh from within.

Well, not only is each sentence longer than the last, I think we can all agree that they belong to different stories entirely, due to the way they’re written, their ‘feel’.

Now, again, before even starting writing, you want to think about this mystical ‘feel’. You want to know if it’s going to be a funny read, serious, etc.

For me, personally, the ‘feel’ is not a very clinical thing. A more technical person might write out a list of pointers to help them dictate the ‘feel’ of the story, such as ‘no jokes, only sarcasm, little description, lots of dialogue’. But personally, I do no such thing. I really stick to the way the story makes me feel in my head. And perhaps I’m unique in this, but I think of what the story, or the spirits behind the story, want. Do they take this story incredibly seriously? Do they want it to be passionate? Or is it a loose, happy, and silly tale?

For me, the ‘feel’ usually comes with the ‘idea’. It comes with images, song snippets, and emotion. If a story makes me think of dark pine trees, (as Chaos’s did), but also has a tongue-in-cheek sense of humor, that’s what I’ll try and bring forth.

So, to summarize! You’re going to be plotting or pantsting. You’re going to want an idea, which can be either plot or character-centric, and a ‘feel’ to start with. From there, you’re going to start the ‘writing’ process. That’s another post, however.

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Self-Publishing and Mental Illness ~ A New Voice in History

Now I’m not going to jump up and down and scream that this is the first time that someone with mental illness has ever been published. I’m sure that’s not true. What I am sure about, however, is that this is the first time in history that people with mental illness have really, as a whole, had access to publishing.

Think of how, in history, publishing and getting printed has always been very strictly gate-kept. For something to be printed, it had to be something that people would think would sell, something that, quite often, had to ‘make sense’ and be considered socially acceptable. I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that, if women from the victorian era had been able to write or even blog about their experiences in the asylums, it might have turned heads and made the whole thing grind to a miserable halt faster than it did.

So what’s my point? This. That indie publishing is not only a chance for the marginalized to write and find each other, it’s a chance for the mentally ill to express themselves and find each other. This, I think, has a large part to play in the perceived ‘low quality’ that pervades the indie publishing scene.

I’m definitely not saying that people with mental illnesses can’t write. That’s not it at all. I’m saying that we speak uncomfortable truths, weirdness, and occasionally gibberish. None of this is suitable for large publishing industries. Just looking back on my own writings, I’m quite sure it’s too ‘bizarre’ and ‘out there’ and mentions suicide and death far too easily for a traditional publisher to even approach.

The thing is, mental illness is taboo. Our experiences and thereby, our stories, will be taboo. We frighten people, our experiences frighten people, and so our stories will be silenced.

But for once, for once, we have a chance to write and express ourselves. For once, we have a voice. This is extraordinary! This is a first.

And yet, this outlet, instead of being lauded for its diversity and potential for the mentally ill community, is being branded as ‘low quality’ and ‘sub-par’ and seen as silly.

There is a stigma related to indie publishing, one that I find to be very similar to being mentally ill. The fact is that indie publishing has some incredible authors in it, and some bad ones, just like traditional publishing.  One is just a system that is mentally ill friendly. The other is incredibly gate-kept and, by virtue of being the way it is, is gate-keeping at its best.

I’d like to say that indie writing is the future, but that’s not necessarily it. Gate-keeping tends to keep itself very much alive, and is adored by the masses. Those who succeed at traditional publishing will probably be adored by the masses. Furthermore, there is a whole host of neurotypical people who are exploiting the indie industry for their own uses. This isn’t a bad thing, but they are, whether they want to or not, bringing the ‘normal’ into a space that, in my opinion, could be dedicated to the ‘abnormal’. They are ‘normalizing’ what could be an ‘abnormal’ space.

I find it incredibly hilarious, in an ironic and sad way, that the only publishing method that is available to the mentally ill is being judged and used by neurotypicals. Now, granted, it wasn’t a dedicated space for the mentally ill. No one owns the indie publishing industry. But, I do have to say, I wish there was a space for the mentally ill to  publish their stories without being crowded out by the neurotypicals.

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A Publishing House for the Mentally Ill?

Hey everyone! So, originally I had a very boring post set up to post about how I don’t feel like writing Chaos & Kuryo’s story today. Real thrilling, I know. BUT! Then I was asked for a guest post about publishing and wham! Not only did I write up a post about self-publishing and mental illness (two of them, actually), but I had an idea! A very interesting idea, if you ask me.

Here it is: Wouldn’t it be epic (to say the least) if I was to start a publishing company dedicated to the fiction stories of people with mental illness?

I mean, hear me out. I know there are a bunch of writing collectives out there like ‘the mighty’ and ‘the bipolar writer’ blog. But where do we, the mentally ill, publish our fiction? Well, probably indie, you see. But that’s a space wherein there’s already a TON of neurotypicals out there, publishing stuff that neurotypicals want to read. So where is the space dedicated to the mentally ill people’s fiction?

I don’t think we have one, simply put. We’re just starting to have spaces to talk about getting better and expressing our experiences. Our fiction, as of yet, is still mixed in with everyone else’s.

But, here’s another thing. I’m quite sure that people with mental illness have pretty bizarre and interesting ideas, which would make for very unique and interesting stories that step out of the ordinary. I think this could really be a fun initiative!

Sad fact: I have no idea how to go about making this happen. Anyone, any ideas? How would one go about doing this? Is this something that anyone would be interested in participating in? Give me your thoughts!

Photo by Bilakis on Pexels.com

Self – Publishing and Mental Illness ~ The Issue No One Talks About

I’d like to say that this topic has been largely discussed, but as with many other topics related to mental illness and mental health, it hasn’t been.

Imagine someone with critical anxiety or paranoia trying to get their manuscript published. I’ve seen someone in such a state try, and believe you me it wasn’t pretty. They did not approach the right publisher, did not know which ones to approach, and ended up giving up after one refusal.

Here’s my point: it really sucks trying to get traditionally published when you’re not in a state of pristine mental health. Heck, even if you are in pristine mental health, I’m sure it’s nerve-wracking.

A lot of the discussion I’ve seen about traditional publishing vs. Indie publishing wails on and on about the poor quality of indie publishing versus the flexibility it allows. Is it worth to self publish, these people ask.

But I’d like to take a step back and point out that – > it’s disabled person friendly. For those of us with mental health issues, it’s not only just so much easier, it’s the only realistic and safe option for us to use.

I’d like to say that I don’t give a rat’s ass about traditional publishing, but that’s not true. It’s seen as a badge of credibility, of being a ‘true’ author, to be traditionally published. It’s seen as a marker of quality.

So why did I decide to indie publish? Simple. I couldn’t stand the other option.

Being someone with anxiety, depression, mood swings and the occasional hallucination, I didn’t need extra stress. But that’s all I got when I tried to query. My stress shot through the roof as I began obsessively checking my email for that fated answer that would give me that badge. But oh! What if they make me sign a bad contract? What if they market me wrong?

There’s a lot for traditionally published authors to worry about. I know, I know someone who was traditionally published and was screwed over. Their books were badly marketed, they made no money, an they lost the rights to their series. An author’s nightmare.

Now here’s another thing. Suppose you do get into the process where you start actually talking to the editor (or whomever you talk to first in that company)? Well, I got to that stage with one company. It was a shitshow for my nerves. My mental health plummeted, I was so anxious, waiting on every sacrosanct phone call and misinterpreting everything they said. Because here’s the kicker -> people with mental illness and mental health problems are (quite often) not good or comfortable at interacting with other people. I certainly am not. That made what was arguably a very good situation go terribly bad. I quit the entire process and curled up into a ball and cried.

Because people with mental illness can’t stand the extra anxiety and anticipation of waiting for their manuscript to be reviewed. Then add having to navigate the personnel of the publishing company (who can be very brusque and impatient) and then worry about all the very real pitfalls of the contract and manage all the editorial changes that the publisher wants to bring to the novel.

It’s just not feasible to expect someone with a mental illness to go through all that. It’s detrimental to their health.

Furthermore, I’d like to throw in an element that is highly personal to me. Simply, the fact that I’m very attached to my novels in a particular way. They’re my babies, yes, but it goes beyond that. Anyone who follows my blog knows that I regularly base my novels on my dreams and hallucinations and mental health experiences. They’re so close to my heart and, perhaps in a hallucinatory way, I believe in them. To me, to deal with someone wanting to edit them is akin to editing the Bible. I believe in these stories. Some of them feel as if they are practically channeled to me. I believe that I have a duty to the spirits that are sending me these stories. To have someone come in and tell me how to ‘fix’ them and potentially wanting to change the fabric of the story could be an affront to the spirits, a breaking of my special contract with them.

Now, I’m not expecting anyone else to believe in this. I am merely stating it to make my final point. For someone in the throes of a mental illness, chances are that their stories will mean more to them than to a non-mentally ill person. In my case, I would probably have lots of nervous breakdowns trying to cope with an editing process that didn’t take my beliefs into account.

Really, honestly, I don’t think most publishing companies are prepared to deal with someone like me. I don’t think they understand mental illness or how to treat a mentally ill person in order to reduce their anxiety. Once you throw in potential delusions or paranoia into the mix, I think it’s just highly improbable that it’ll succeed.

For me, indie publishing is probably the only way I’ll ever be published. It certainly feels like it’s the only way that I can be published. It feels like the only option that is accessible and usable for me.

 

Self publishing thoughts

I’ve been better lately. A good meeting with my psychiatrist has put lots of things into perspective. My move is progressing well, as in things are almost all packed. And Lo! Another dream struck, just as soon as I had finished sorting out the tone for my new novel, I am sidetracked to an older Farfadelian one. And while writing that, I am reminded by a beta reader that I am in the works/waiting for edit recommendations to finish up another novel for publication. Yikes!

I have so much to think about. Self publishing? Traditional publishing? Which ones for which novel? And if I am to self-publish, I had better get better at it (ouch). I’ve been far from successful lately, and I honestly don’t see a way to get better. Maybe once I move I’ll magically become more organized (I really hope so) but I slightly doubt it. I just don’t seem to be connecting with my audience? I have a hard time being stable in my social media presence? I dunno. This blog is honestly one of my most successful endeavors, so maybe I should publish here? Who knows?

If y’all have self-publishing tips/ways to make this blog better as an indie author, I’d really love to hear them! Should I make my blog prettier? Should I balance it better between novel ideas, mental illness, and the lovebirds? Or … what? Ideas! Help!