Unhinged… The Vlog?

Hi everyone! I’m happy to announce that I’m hopefully going to be doing mental health videos.

It’s been a little bit that I’m wondering if I’ll get back into my mental health blogging, and I think I will. But I really want it to be a positive thing in my life, and to come from a positive space, not to be a grumpy rant. So, as YouTube videos have been a fun thing for me, I’m thinking of doing those, as well as some written blog posts.

I’m thinking of discussing technical aspects around mental illness and spirituality. I’m really hoping that these videos and posts can be educational and resourceful for people, especially those suffering from mental illness.

Hopefully I’ll have some guests who can come onto my blog and discuss some stuff with me, so if you have a mental illness/mental health issue and you want to talk about it within a spiritual context, let me know!

If you have topics you’d like to suggest, or things you’d like to see me talking about (not researching, I don’t feel like researching, just talking from a personal perspective), let me know!

Wishing you all a very lovely day, and hoping you’ll like these videos! ❤

Self – Publishing and Mental Illness ~ The Issue No One Talks About

I’d like to say that this topic has been largely discussed, but as with many other topics related to mental illness and mental health, it hasn’t been.

Imagine someone with critical anxiety or paranoia trying to get their manuscript published. I’ve seen someone in such a state try, and believe you me it wasn’t pretty. They did not approach the right publisher, did not know which ones to approach, and ended up giving up after one refusal.

Here’s my point: it really sucks trying to get traditionally published when you’re not in a state of pristine mental health. Heck, even if you are in pristine mental health, I’m sure it’s nerve-wracking.

A lot of the discussion I’ve seen about traditional publishing vs. Indie publishing wails on and on about the poor quality of indie publishing versus the flexibility it allows. Is it worth to self publish, these people ask.

But I’d like to take a step back and point out that – > it’s disabled person friendly. For those of us with mental health issues, it’s not only just so much easier, it’s the only realistic and safe option for us to use.

I’d like to say that I don’t give a rat’s ass about traditional publishing, but that’s not true. It’s seen as a badge of credibility, of being a ‘true’ author, to be traditionally published. It’s seen as a marker of quality.

So why did I decide to indie publish? Simple. I couldn’t stand the other option.

Being someone with anxiety, depression, mood swings and the occasional hallucination, I didn’t need extra stress. But that’s all I got when I tried to query. My stress shot through the roof as I began obsessively checking my email for that fated answer that would give me that badge. But oh! What if they make me sign a bad contract? What if they market me wrong?

There’s a lot for traditionally published authors to worry about. I know, I know someone who was traditionally published and was screwed over. Their books were badly marketed, they made no money, an they lost the rights to their series. An author’s nightmare.

Now here’s another thing. Suppose you do get into the process where you start actually talking to the editor (or whomever you talk to first in that company)? Well, I got to that stage with one company. It was a shitshow for my nerves. My mental health plummeted, I was so anxious, waiting on every sacrosanct phone call and misinterpreting everything they said. Because here’s the kicker -> people with mental illness and mental health problems are (quite often) not good or comfortable at interacting with other people. I certainly am not. That made what was arguably a very good situation go terribly bad. I quit the entire process and curled up into a ball and cried.

Because people with mental illness can’t stand the extra anxiety and anticipation of waiting for their manuscript to be reviewed. Then add having to navigate the personnel of the publishing company (who can be very brusque and impatient) and then worry about all the very real pitfalls of the contract and manage all the editorial changes that the publisher wants to bring to the novel.

It’s just not feasible to expect someone with a mental illness to go through all that. It’s detrimental to their health.

Furthermore, I’d like to throw in an element that is highly personal to me. Simply, the fact that I’m very attached to my novels in a particular way. They’re my babies, yes, but it goes beyond that. Anyone who follows my blog knows that I regularly base my novels on my dreams and hallucinations and mental health experiences. They’re so close to my heart and, perhaps in a hallucinatory way, I believe in them. To me, to deal with someone wanting to edit them is akin to editing the Bible. I believe in these stories. Some of them feel as if they are practically channeled to me. I believe that I have a duty to the spirits that are sending me these stories. To have someone come in and tell me how to ‘fix’ them and potentially wanting to change the fabric of the story could be an affront to the spirits, a breaking of my special contract with them.

Now, I’m not expecting anyone else to believe in this. I am merely stating it to make my final point. For someone in the throes of a mental illness, chances are that their stories will mean more to them than to a non-mentally ill person. In my case, I would probably have lots of nervous breakdowns trying to cope with an editing process that didn’t take my beliefs into account.

Really, honestly, I don’t think most publishing companies are prepared to deal with someone like me. I don’t think they understand mental illness or how to treat a mentally ill person in order to reduce their anxiety. Once you throw in potential delusions or paranoia into the mix, I think it’s just highly improbable that it’ll succeed.

For me, indie publishing is probably the only way I’ll ever be published. It certainly feels like it’s the only way that I can be published. It feels like the only option that is accessible and usable for me.


Hi Everyone!

Hi everyone! I feel first that I have to apologize for being away for so long. I’ve been good, I’ve been bad, but I’ve rarely been that glorious phase in between. Right now, I am doing better – and will hopefully be making vegetarian sushi today!

But that is later! For now- Here I am! And what glorious things do I have to speak with you about?

Well, I have this series I’m working on about transgendered beings and magic within the Wiccan framework. But I think that’ll wait for another day. Because first, I had this idea I feel like putting out there.

What if we stop thinking of hallucinations as being a spiritual thing?

Just – just wait for me here. This post is fueled by me (once again) trying to explain my symptoms to a dear friend, and once again being met with spiritual advice. In this case it went along the lines of ‘well I see things too!’ and they went gushing on about their spiritual experience.

As if hallucinating aliens is the same things as seeing auras.

Spoiler alert: it isn’t.

Why? Because it just isn’t. Both are non- physical sight, sure. But is non-physical sight a spiritual phenomenon? I would argue that no. I would argue that, instead, we ought to see non-physical sight as it’s own category of which spiritual phenomenon can be within.

So what does this mean? It means we have this lovely box-like category called ‘non-physical sight’ and within this box we have objects like ‘hallucination caused by psychiatric conditions’ and ‘hallucinations caused by drugs’ and ‘spiritual sight/third eye sight’ and then we could even have ‘visual tricks’ and other objects that I do not know of.

Are all these phenomenon spiritual? No! Only the spiritual ones are.

Now, just to add to the confusion, Divinities can use mundane objects to teach us spiritual lessons, just like how a hammer/blanket/cooking pot can become part of a spiritual lesson. But just because it gets used for a lesson does not mean it is, in and of itself, a spiritual phenomenon.

Am I clear? Does this make sense? Because, really, I am tired of having to explain to people the difference. So can we make this a thing? Can we share this, re-blog it or whatever? No, I’m not trying to get free publicity. I really, really, just am tired of symptoms of mental illness being taken as being these all meaning spiritual experiences. And NO, don’t you DARE tell me ‘well, you know, aliens do walk among us so bla bla maybe you were seeing something bla bla’. I will hit you with a frying pan (I’m joking, but please, respect my sense of discernment and my doctor’s diagnosis here).

On the upside, y’all, I now have this amazing psychiatrist! She is just so caring, listening, and careful to take the time to see me through this. For once, I have hope to get through this hump and get back to being a functional being! Maybe, who knows? Maybe one day I won’t be disabled any more!

Now that would be fabulous!

I hope you all have a great day and are you sticking to your new years’ resolutions? I am (cutting out sugar)!