Hmm, I’m really not sure what to think of this scene. I hate writing abusive scenes (this definitely takes a trigger warning for abuse!), so maybe that’s why it bothers me? The real question is: does it seem consistent with Bella’s growing power over Chaos? Does the magic in it make sense? I’d love to hear comments on this!
“Lucifer is up to something,” I said to Bella the moment we were alone. That meant that we had just stepped out of the portal and slipped inside the house. Now, we were in Bella’s private room, pulling off our boots.
She raised her eyebrows at me as if amused. Like I was a cute puppy that was excitably licking her hand. I gritted my teeth.
“I know Lucifer,” at least a bit. “He never does something for nothing. He’s lazy, you know.”
“He does do things for no reason sometimes, though,” said Bella, quoting the liar of liars. “And besides,” she thunked down into her large chair, fingering the leash between us. “What point is there in saying no to him?”
“The point,” I said testily, “Is not to let him into the hive.” It felt weird calling Bella’s group, or goop of minds, a hive. Were we really all connected to her after ‘ascension’? Or was Lucifer wrong? It wasn’t beyond him, or any gods besides, to be wrong. But Bella wasn’t correcting me.
“A hive is a collection of minds, sometimes led by a singular mind,” she said, having probably just read mine. She shrugged. “I see no harm in having him added to it. It could even be a plus.” And she pulled a pillow from her side and plunked it down to the floor. She nodded at it, and I knew she wanted me to sit. At her feet.
I did, pressing my lips together and swallowing down more of my pride. I secretly hoped it would endear her to me, would make her listen to my point more. “Bella,” I folded my hands on her knee and propped my chin over them so my chin wouldn’t dig into her leg. “Lucifer isn’t someone to play games with. He’s a trickster god.” Not mean, but not easy to understand. “And he’s definitely up to something.”
Bella tutted. “Chaos, listen to yourself. Do you think I can’t keep Lucifer in line?”
I hesitated, not knowing how to say that yes, she couldn’t. Definitely not.
Maybe I thought too loud. A flash of anger made her eye flare with anger – and I didn’t see it coming.
Crack! The slap struck me hard across the face.
“How dare you!” Bella shrieked, hand still raised. With a jump she was now on her feet and towering over me. “I can so keep him in line! Who do you think I am?”
Clutching my cheek I shrunk back, propped on my other hand. Fear flashed through me. Fear of what I wasn’t sure – what could I logically be afraid of? – but for an instant I was terrified.
But then Bella lowered her hand. She breathed deeply and I thought it was over. “I will keep Lucifer in line,” she said coldly. “I can do that, and easily.” She smiled darkly at me, wickedly. When she spoke, the words were silent.
A gaping dread filled me. This wasn’t the ecstasy of union or the joy of being around Bella. It was seperation, a yawning gap between us that was cold like the wind. It hurt in that unspeakable way that depression or anxiety gnaws at the mind.
I was suddenly feeling near tears. My arms were wrapped protectively over my stomach. “Bella,” I protested, pleading. This felt awful. I had lost something precious and now every cell in my body was mourning.
She reached down and I pawed at her pathetically, trying to unify through touch, to drag her closer. But all she did was unclip the leash. “Stay here and rot a bit,” she snapped as she wrapped the leash back around her wrist. “Think on what you’ve said.”
“B-” I wanted to protest and cry out her name all at once, but she was walking away, her back already turned to me. The door slammed shut behind her.
I wrapped my arms around my knees, heart feeling like it was ripping open in my chest.
It took me about an hour to get off the floor and to stop sobbing like a baby. I couldn’t control it. No matter how much I told myself that it was just seperation from Bella and that I was physically fine, I couldn’t stop the pain.
The worst part was that I knew what she had done. I knew it was a spell of some sort, or whatever it was her word-power was. It was merely those words! But it hurt like a knife through me. My thoughts kept slipping away into blinding pain, and I kept forgetting that this wasn’t ‘real’. That this was just a spell. I found myself sobbing like I’d just lost a limb, and wishing that I hadn’t been so foolish.
Then I remembered that I hadn’t even said anything against Bella. I’d merely thought it. That fact flew me into a rage. How dared she do this to me! It was me who defeated the Sky God for HER! I was her best, her favourite, and she had no right!
I struggled to my feet, wiping my tears on the back of my hands. There! No more crying! Bella, you ungrateful bitch-
Just as I thought that, I remembered (or was I told through the hive in some way?) that Bella could hear me. That, and there was footsteps running towards the door.
I braced myself for whatever was to come. Was someone come to beat me for thinking so much? Well, bring it!
The door swung open, and it was Bella.
“Really?” she hissed, shutting the door behind herself.
I staggered. Every part of me was screaming out for her. I wanted her in the worst way. The idea of being on my knees for her flashed through my mind as such a beautiful idea, so soothing, so wholesome and completing.
No, no! I was angry and it was her fault – but that idea was slippery, gliding out of my mind the moment I didn’t focus just on it.
I blinked, and Bella was before me. My mind was skipping through black windows. I hadn’t seen her walk over, didn’t see her move, but now her hand was in my hair. Another black window, and my mind was blank. What was I angry about anymore? It felt stupid, and I knew that whatever it was, it was my fault.
That knowledge sure in my mind, I felt myself collapse, exhausted and wanting nothing more than comfort. My knees slammed into the floor and I hugged at her legs, but was dragged back by my hair.
“Shhh, there now,” Bella said soothingly, combing my hair from my face with one hand while holding me in a death-grip with the other. “Are you sorry now?”
I choked on a sob, nodding as I blinked through tears.
“You won’t do it again, will you?” Bella asked, just her voice being not enough. It soothed, but it was like a trickle in a desert and I needed more. I was burning for her, to be reunited with her. It felt like I couldn’t exist without her. Desperate, I nodded.
Her hands caressed my shoulders. She had crouched down and was hugging me to her chest. “You’re so disobedient, you’ve been so bad,” she crooned, holding me tight. “You’re a bad slave, Chaos.”
I whimpered, clutching at her.
“I love you anyways,” she whispered into my ear. “You know that, don’t you? I love you like no one else ever will.”
A sob tore through me – and then she spoke the words. It was sheer relief. Like a light through the mind. Like a cold compress on burning heat. There really is no words to express it. It made me gasp, and my entire body relaxed, sagging against her.
Bella shushed me, cuddling me against her. But, for a flicker, I wanted to draw away. I felt like I had a head again, like I could think. I wanted to be alone with my thoughts to digest what had happened.
But then, like a bite, there was sharp ecstasy. The pleasure of being with Bella. The euphoria. It was not too strong, more like the scent of a spring breeze. But it was enough to send me into a fit of giggles against her.
My head was pulled back and I was looking into Bella’s eyes. “Well?” she said softly. “Better now?” To which I nodded, gulping back tears that seemed pointless now. “Good,” she murmured, wiping my tears away with her gloved fingers. “Don’t ever do that again.” and she kissed me passionately, claiming me. I gave way eagerly, wanting nothing more than to be hers, to receive more of the ecstasy. But she didn’t give me any more. I was lifted up to my feet a moment later and instructed to rest in bed for the remainder of the day. I protested at first, wanting to spend it with her, but the moment I lay down I realized that, indeed, I was exhausted. Too much emotions, I thought before I drifted off to sleep.