Struggling Today…

It’s terrifying, really, how quickly we can go downhill. How one seemingly tolerable incident can *boom* send you spiraling down. And it’s so hard to stop the spiral.

I wish I had some wisdom to impart today, but I’m not sure I do.

I managed to take a shower, which almost set me in tears. I am more functional than I was earlier on. Napping helped. But really, what do you do when you feel like you’re just slipping downwards?

Well, what I’ve learned with my social worker, is to focus on what you can grab on to stop the sliding, even if just a little.

Don’t focus on how shitty you feel. Focus on what might make you feel a little better, even just a little.

For me, it’s music and colors. So I forced myself to listen to music and color and draw in a cute birdie. Yay!

Altogether, I am sorry to be pitching so much moodiness out here into the void, so to speak. And yet, I really enjoy being able to be honest with people like this. It’s freeing to just expose the wound to others and say ‘here, I’m hurt’.

Maybe that’s something we need to do more of within paganism, speak our truths and pains. We do seem to be a vocal bunch, but I don’t know. Do we really talk about our nitty and gritty? I don’t know. To be fair, I’m not entirely in the loop as to who’s talking about what.

Oh, and one last thing. Where are the discussions on the fallibility of deity? I’m researching it for a course I’ll be teaching… and all I found was Christian crap. Anyone out there talking about the limits of the deities and spirits? I’d love some links if anyone has any.

In the meantime, I’m really reconsidering what to do with my birdies. Not that I want to stop doing them, but I’m wondering if making them a pagan project was too narrow for them. Maybe I should just leave them a non-pagan thing, and leave them as a cute little project.

What’s spawning this consideration is that I have a link that may be able to get my children’s activity book into a schoolboard, but the books would have to be a little less religious. A thing I’m not sure would be bad. Maybe just nature-centric would be enough for them. I don’t know. Thoughts?

Here is the picture I drew this afternoon. I hope it makes you smile and brings you some joy. Thank you to all of you for your support ❤

The Sunshine Blogger Award !

Eeeee! I’m so excited to say that I’ve been nominated for the Sunshine Blogger Award by the lovely and cheerful Ha N. from Living Libra

Thank you so much for the nomination! I’ve been dying to do one of these but didn’t want to nominate myself (that would be weird methinks). So let’s do this!

What is the Sunshine Blogger Award?
The Sunshine Blogger Award is given to those who are creative, positive, and inspiring, while spreading sunshine to the blogging community.

How Does It Work:
• Thank the person(s) who nominated you in a blog post and link back to their blog
• Answer the 11 questions sent by the person who nominated you
• Nominate 11 new blogs to receive the award and write them 11 new questions
• List the rules and display the Sunshine Blogger Award logo on your post and/or on your blog

My Questions
1. What TV show are you bingeing right now?

Kill La Kill. Yep. It’s a hilarious and over-the-top parody that (in my opinion) really points out misogynistic tropes.
2. Name a book that spoke to you on a personal level. Why?

Dreaming the Dark by Starhawk. It was the first Wiccan/Goddess/Pagan philosophy book I’d ever read and it just spoke to me on a whole new level that no book ever had before.
3. What is your spirit animal?

The crow! Those little birdies follow me everywhere! They’ll visit places with me (suddenly popping up on lawns they were never on before), and I can’t help but notice them everywhere.
4. When was the moment in your life you laughed the hardest?

Recently, it was when my mom was accidentally called ‘mister’ in a store by a slip of the tongue. She is extremely feminine, so I laughed so hard at it.
5. Who do you look up to the most, and what qualities do you love about that person?

My paternal Grandmother. She was a hard-core skiier, waterskiier, bridge player, and went from rich to poor with grace. She knew the difference between good family and bad, and wasn’t afraid to stand up to the bad and make them mad. She was an amazingly strong woman.
6. What’s your favorite thing you own and why?

The sculptures/statues/images that host my deities. I swear they really do come alive at some points and they just make me feel so connected with the divines it’s amazing.
7. What did you dream about last night?

Probably zombies mixed with elves and epic storylines.
8. What’s one thing most people don’t know about you?

That I am terrified of birds, especially little ones. I will scream, duck, and throw myself on the ground to get away from them. It’s hilarious.
9. What kind of music do you listen to?

European folk music and symphonic metal (think Omnia paganfolk and Tarja, Nightwish, Epica, etc). Especially symphonic metal.
10. What is your biggest pet peeve?

Slurpy sounds/chewing noises. That and manipulative people. I can spot them a mile away yet no one ever notices quite what I do so it’s really hard to express and convince people about what I’m seeing.
11. Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, or Game of Thrones?

Lord of the RIIIIIIIINGS! I was a hardcore fan of the movies when I was younger, and now read the Silmarillon in order to fall asleep (what? It’s slow and relaxing!). I love the repetitive yet complex storyline. Also, a funny tidbit: younger me had a crush on Legolas  way back when, and now I am married to a blonde hair blue eyed lady who… get this… used to cosplay as an elf and does actual archery with a forty pound bow. Dreams do come real y’all XD

Now I nominate (ta ta daaaam!)

  1. theminimeditatingdragon
  2. owanderer from Wyrd Wanderer
  3. Chrissey from the unabridged Sass
  4. mindfump
  5. sarainlalaland
  6. Only Fragments
  7. sreeblogs
  8. shreya sharma
  9. lalita from the spiral grove
  10. sweta ojha
  11. mabel kwong

And here are me eleven questions for those lucky (or unlucky heh heh) souls!

  1. Favourite flower and why?
  2. Most epic moment in your life?
  3. Funniest moment in your life?
  4. Person you most admire/respect and why?
  5. Favourite animal?
  6. Strangest experience?
  7. Favourite food?
  8. One thing most people don’t know about you?
  9. Favourite music?
  10. Biggest aspiration in life?
  11. Harry Potter, LOTR or Game of thrones?

That’s it y’all! Go check out Living Libra’s blog! Also, check out some of the people I nominated as well, they write lovely things too!

Have a good day and lots of blessings your way!