Struggling Today…

It’s terrifying, really, how quickly we can go downhill. How one seemingly tolerable incident can *boom* send you spiraling down. And it’s so hard to stop the spiral.

I wish I had some wisdom to impart today, but I’m not sure I do.

I managed to take a shower, which almost set me in tears. I am more functional than I was earlier on. Napping helped. But really, what do you do when you feel like you’re just slipping downwards?

Well, what I’ve learned with my social worker, is to focus on what you can grab on to stop the sliding, even if just a little.

Don’t focus on how shitty you feel. Focus on what might make you feel a little better, even just a little.

For me, it’s music and colors. So I forced myself to listen to music and color and draw in a cute birdie. Yay!

Altogether, I am sorry to be pitching so much moodiness out here into the void, so to speak. And yet, I really enjoy being able to be honest with people like this. It’s freeing to just expose the wound to others and say ‘here, I’m hurt’.

Maybe that’s something we need to do more of within paganism, speak our truths and pains. We do seem to be a vocal bunch, but I don’t know. Do we really talk about our nitty and gritty? I don’t know. To be fair, I’m not entirely in the loop as to who’s talking about what.

Oh, and one last thing. Where are the discussions on the fallibility of deity? I’m researching it for a course I’ll be teaching… and all I found was Christian crap. Anyone out there talking about the limits of the deities and spirits? I’d love some links if anyone has any.

In the meantime, I’m really reconsidering what to do with my birdies. Not that I want to stop doing them, but I’m wondering if making them a pagan project was too narrow for them. Maybe I should just leave them a non-pagan thing, and leave them as a cute little project.

What’s spawning this consideration is that I have a link that may be able to get my children’s activity book into a schoolboard, but the books would have to be a little less religious. A thing I’m not sure would be bad. Maybe just nature-centric would be enough for them. I don’t know. Thoughts?

Here is the picture I drew this afternoon. I hope it makes you smile and brings you some joy. Thank you to all of you for your support ❤

Blah! Stuck…

I had writers’ block tonight. I was just too emotionally tired to write. And so, I switched to my other medium…

Behold, everyone, my latest sketch/inking in my TwoLoveBirds world.

Now, some of you may not know this, but I have another blog, where I draw the cutest things once ever, oh say, three months? Gah! I really love my twolovebirds! I just don’t know what to do with them. I want to make stickers, notebooks, agendas, to publish cute little gender and spirituality stories with them, to do so much – yet at the same time I don’t know what to do with them. I feel stuck. I’ve been stuck for months, almost abandoning their project completely.

And now, out of boredom I pick them up and it feels like they’re still there for me, waiting for me to get it right.

Well, maybe some day I will. I’ve already published a book of them, if that interests anybody. But somehow, it just didn’t feel like it was taking off. I need a direction, a horizon to aim towards with them, and I’m just not there quite yet. Maybe I’ll have to sleep on it.

Anyways, I hope y’all enjoy the picture. If you color it in, let me know, I’d love to see it!

Much love to you all ❤

Romance – Author’s Blurb on Polyamory

So yes, I write romance. But you know, I’ve always been that kind of author that, when faced with a ‘who dates who’ situation, my answer is a shrug and a ‘Why not ALL of them?’.

Yeah, I’m that person. Gimme the cake, ice cream, and cherries all at once, with sprinklers on top. Yes that means I’m poly. Yes, I am in a poly relationship. No, that doesn’t mean I’ll hop into bed with everything and anything (though I do tend to fling myself at crushes, haha). And while I do tend to write mainly couples romance, I felt it was time for a poly romance. So yeah, enter a polycule relationship.

Now, everything happening with Kuryo in “My Name is Chaos” is such spoilers for “Dreaming of Lights”, really. Because that’s where Kuryo meets Charr and bumbles his way through relationships and dimensions (to summarize loosely). But at the end of “Dreaming of Lights”, you are still not (entirely) sure who dates who. Well, all is being revealed now I suppose.

MASSIVE SPOILERS AHEAD

Because yes, Charr and Kuryo are a team, but they’re what would be called ‘nesting partners’ in poly lingo. That means they live together as a couple. That doesn’t mean they’re exclusive. In fact, if I have any say in it, they’re part of an extended polycule involving two of Kuryo’s other crushes in ‘Dreaming of Lights’. Why? Because it just makes sense in my head. Aside from jealousy and the fact that they don’t see what Kuryo goes through between dimensions with Charr, these characters have genuine chemistry together. If they could ‘just’ (like it’s a small thing, haha) set their jealousy aside, they could actually all be happy together.

Now this means Kuryo has three girlfriends (imagine Chaos freaking out in jealousy “He has THREE girlfriends?!!!”), but that doesn’t mean the three girlfriends date each other. They’re friends, but I seriously don’t see them being anything more to each other.

But why does Kuryo have so many girlfriends and they have just him? Well, it goes by individual. One girlfriend, Jade, almost certainly has other partners as well. But Aaliyah and Charr are reserved and quiet people who don’t necessarily want more partners, or have enough energy to take care of more than one partner. Especially Charr, coming from another dimension, I don’t really see her being able to open up to that many people, whereas Jade is a social butterfly.

Does Kuryo necessarily have enough time and energy for that many partners? Well, considering he kind of gave his heart away to each of them at different intervals in his series, I guess he’s stuck doing it (hahaha).

So what does all this have to do with Chaos’ story? Well, guess what Bella? There’s two other badass women who don’t want Kuryo and Charr hurt. (Don’t you think that makes like a tiny little superhero squad? The dun dun dun… Super -‘cule!) Do these two girlfriends actually make it into Chaos’s storyline? I’m not sure yet. They don’t dimension jump in ‘Dreaming of lights’, so I’d be surprised if they do now. But still, I enjoy the thought, so who knows? And plus, it would be super cute to see the polycule in action. How caring they would be for each other, how  they could share meals together, just the mundane little cute things, you know?

Also, I feel like they’d all want to beat Chaos’s ass into a pulp for hurting their Kuryo. Just saying.

On that note, I really feel like drawing the whole poly-squad.

Fall is Almost Here!

Hey everyone! I’ve been doodling TwoLoveBirds lately, and discovered that – of all the things, I can’t figure out how to do the backgrounds for these cute lil’ things when I try and color them in. I mean, if I do a full picture with a setting, that’s okay, but just a  cute doodle? I can’t seem to get the background the way I want it.  Anyways, while trying to figure out backgrounds, I made a picture or two! Here is one, celebrating the coming of fall and the turning of this part of the Wheel of the Year. I’ll be posting it in the coloring page section of my blog as well. If anyone feels like coloring it in, I’d love to see it! And if you do share this image, please link back to me!autumn birdies1.jpeg

 

Hey everyone!

I just noticed that there is, indeed, more people on this blog thanks to a shoutout I did to the trans community. That warms my little heart. I love meeting members of the trans community, and I really love sharing my stories with everyone. It makes me smile like a goof whenever I get a comment, like, or a post share. I’ve spent most of my life being very lonely, and writing is my great passion, and so when you smack meeting people and sharing about my novels together, I get super happy! My writing is so close to my heart, it’s hard to put into words. I put a ridiculous amount of thought and meaning into every detail (except for maybe curtains haha) and even when I ‘wing it’, the story bears a lot of meaning for me. So feel free to chat! I’m dropping a summary of where and how to find me online here, for anyone who is curious/interested and wants to get to know me more.

Really, feel free to talk to me, I don’t bite and again, love to discuss my writing. Also, I’m on the lookout for beta readers, so if that interests you, let me know (preferably on facebook so that I don’t lose your message)! Finally, if you like my writing but are too broke to buy the novels I’ve put up on smashwords for sale (and those I will eventually put for sale on amazon), I can send them to you ~ on condition. The condition is that I really would like something in return, like a fanart, an interpretive essay, or something. I like seeing how others see my work, and knowing how much they liked it. Also, I’ve always dreamed of getting fanart so it would be a check on my bucket list! If this does happen, unless you really don’t want it shared, I’ll be posting it to my blog for all to see, which brings me to my final point -> if you are a trans artist of any kind and want to collab, hit me up! Even if you don’t want to collab and just want a shoutout of some kind, I’m glad to help out a fellow trans sibling.

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Trans Birdie Loves You All!!!

My Links:

https://www.instagram.com/twolovebirds245/

https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/TwoLoveBirds

https://www.facebook.com/groups/569454026857758/about/

https://archiveofourown.org/users/mdaoust245