Coloring Book Release!

Yes! It has arrived! Well, not to me, physically, but virtually! The Farfadel Fairy themed coloring book is now ready to be bought and colored, and bring all the love and cheer of Farfadel fairies into your home!

I have to say, I am so proud of this coloring book! It has 50 coloring pages (50!), which was a whole lot for me to draw and put together. At the very squeaky end, I thought I wasn’t going to be able to do it. I was running out of ideas (always my problem with coloring books) and thought I’d have to lower the page count. But then! Magically! I found exactly enough old sketches to finish the last few coloring spots. And lo! Be-Hold! the coloring book was finished.

So where can you get this lovely coloring book? HERE! It is only available in the physical copy, and I’ve tried to make it as cheap as possible so that y’all can enjoy it as much as can be.

As always, please review and DO let me know what you like or don’t like about it. I LOVE feedback, especially if it’s constructive!

Finally, if you are as excited as I am about this release, contact me! I am always looking for people to do blog tours of my stuff, as well as give me ideas of shops to contact to try and get my stuff into them.

As always, much love to you all ❤

GiveAway Coming Soon!

Hark! You read that right! I am on the cusp of publishing a new Farfadelian novel, and with it comes * drumroll * a GIVEAWAY! That’s right, lovely friends! But not just that -> I will be hosting TWO giveaways in the coming months!

Wait, I just said one, then I said two? What could that possibly mean? What it means, dear friends, is that I will be hosting one giveaway for the TwoLoveBirds, and one for my more adult novels! The one for the TwoLoveBirds will be first, and will happen VERY SOON. As in, as soon as I can order the book and get it sent to me. But that has to wait until I have finished editing and formatting the Farfadel story, as I will be ordering them both at the same time. Therefore!

What does this mean? This means, if you want any adorable cards featuring the lil’ birdies, a novel featuring them, or their latest children’s activity book, you better go and follow them tightly on Facebook or pay very close attention to my blog in the upcoming weeks! The giveaway will probably be international, and don’t worry, I will try and post about it a crapload so everyone has the chance to see it and enter. The second giveaway will feature my latest Farfadelian novel (always a fun read!), digital version sof some of my novels, and some character art I’ve been working on. There will also be a secret way to get two entries in both giveaways (much secret, much awesome!).

The secret is… fanart! If you send in a picture or story that you or your child does of ANY of my characters/stories, you will get a second entry. Please nothing gross or nudity. Plus, if you do send in fanart/fanfiction, you will get promoted the hell out. So artists, here’s your chance! I will flash your art like it’s the last big thing before the end of the world, and I will ooze happy jujubes about your story (as much as I can), as long as it’s about my characters or stories that I’ve published, either on Amazon, Smashwords, wattpad, or my blog.

So if you’re a person who needs a lot of time to do your art and find your inspiration, this is your starting shot! Bang! Go, go, go!

Finally, here are some pictures of what I’ve been cooking up as the future prizes!

The base sketch for one of the portraits that will be given away!

One of the lil birdie cards!

Lage’s Game Thoughts and SPOILERS

Well! This story has been getting exciting lately! I have to say, I haven’t been expecting one very important thing that has developed in this story and that is -> the main character (who desperately needs a name!).

Wow, she is one angry and violent kid/teen. When I first began writing, she was basically a blank slate to me. I didn’t think much of her, to be honest. I was kind of ‘eh, a kid’. Now I’m honestly not sure if she’ll become a villain or what. Or maybe she’ll become a villain then redeem herself? That’d be funky!

But hey, she’s something. She definitely feels like a powerhouse of emotion to me, strong emotions, and so angry. Which (to me) makes sense. I mean, her whole world fell apart.

Now, when I was much younger (back in ye olde days, haha), I was very angry. I was borderline violent. So, yeah, I’m basing her a bit off my experiences with anger. But to be clear, I’m basing myself off of my own anger in order to understand hers. I’m not projecting, I’m rather using mine as a lens with which to views hers, but hers is a clear shape of its own. I just – I really want to emphasize to you all that she, really, is angry and separate from my own experiences of anger. Because, wow, that’s not the kind of anger I generally want to express. But she’s so angry!

And so intent on violence too. She wants bloody revenge. Will she get it? I’m entirely not sure. What kind of relationship will she have with Lage (the dude in green)? I’m beginning to think that their relationship won’t be the happy new father/daughter that I had first thought they’d have. Now I’m wondering if she’s not a loose cannonball that he’s going to try and contain, while being under her thumb (or will he not be under her thumb? Hmmm.).

So yeah, I’m getting more and more excited for this story, to be honest. It’s really growing on me. I like the main character more and more and yeah, the story is growing to be complex, I can just feel it. Thrilling!

Anyways, as usual, I really hope y’all are enjoying the story so far. I certainly am! Much love to you all ❤

Lage’s Game Main Character Sketch -> she really needs a name!

Depression and Writing

Depression is hitting me hard. I think it’s my symptom/condition that I have the hardest time accepting. It’s not glamorous, it’s never fun and never makes you feel special. It always makes me feel like I’m worthless and useless. As an author, this preys on my natural beliefs.

You see, I tend to see myself as a vessel for my stories. But combined with my depression, I feel like nothing BUT a vessel. I feel like I’m nothing without them.

The sad truth is that writing is my whole life. It’s me. It’s been my refuge since childhood, where it suddenly filled a void within me that hurt so badly until then. Ever since I started writing, my days rotate around it. As a kid, I would squeeze it in whenever, would draw my characters everywhere, and obsessed over them.

Now, I wake up thinking of my novels. I spend my mornings wondering what I’ll do until I get the chance to write. My whole day is just spent waiting until the right time to write. I know I dont have the mental energy to write all day, but I wish I could. Already I love writing 5 hours a day, and feel bad if I “waste” even one of those hours not hammering out words.

I know this isn’t healthy, but it is what it is. My writing is my life. The only other thing more important is my wife and my relatives. Literally, unless it’s a basic need, everything else feels secondary. I dont want to travel, I dont want a career, I just want to be good at writing and do my stories justice. I want to accomplish what this drive in me is calling for.

But when depression hits, as it does now, I cant write. Every word hurts, I cant think, and then everything that makes me ‘me’ seems to crumble away. What use am I if I cant write? Not being able to write for even one day is a terrible blow. What if my stories are terribly written? What good am I if i can’t get my stories out there properly, to those who need to read them? I know it sounds dramatic, but not being able to write feels like a poisonous sin that will destroy me.

I know, in some way, that my belief of me being just a vessel for writing is bad for me. I need to see myself as more. But how do I do that? It’s like seeing yourself beyond an addiction, in some way.

And then, what’s wrong with this view, if it gives me purpose and value, even in some small way? I know I should see myself as more, but what if I dont feel like more? I feel like so much in my life just points towards writing, and like it’s the cornerstone of my life. Where would I be without it?

I know, in some factual way, that I am a person without my writing. I’ve experienced that, by having my spiritual projects. But… I just feel like more with my writing. I feel this compulsion and a sense of destiny and being attuned with the universe when it comes to writing. Is that a symptom of a delusion? I dont know what to think some days.

I guess I cant hope to find other people who feel this way. I’ve hoped, and as of yet haven’t found other writers who seem to have this weird perspective and obsession and maybe even delusion with their writing. And yet I hope. I feel lonely, a lot, so isolated with my writing. It’s not the only way I connect with people, but unless someone dips into this part of me, do they know me at all? Will I ever find that I am not alone in this weird feeling?

A Chaotic Comic Book?

Yes, I am full of Chaos-centric puns! However, I am also full of neck pain from spending so much time drawing!

How is the comic book coming along? Uhm, well, it’s happening? It’s painful? It’s not like I can’t draw the pictures, but more like I’m not good at designing the layout. Plus I’m used to drawing leisurely, so I have a tendency to just stop and think things over Way Too Much. Also, I’m snagging on the style. I was expecting to go totally graphic-novel and color everything in and… nah. Just, nah. It took me So Long to color in the picture that features in chapter ten, part two, that I wanted to give up on everything.

Here’s a Secret: I hate coloring. It takes forever. It feels pointless. I much prefer black and white.

So, putting my metaphorical foot down, I’m deciding to make this comic book mine. What does that mean? The question arose when I was suddenly inspired to add in stupid expressions. I was all ‘hey self, I shouldn’t do that because it’ll look goofy’ and then I was like ‘but it’s MY comic book! I’mma make it like I want and it’ll be goofy and dumb!’.

Because, you know, I was hoping for it to look super serious and epic. But instead, I’ve got some sketches that are just like this:

 

And, really, I’m not sure what I’ll be doing with this comic. Will I keep it up for the whole rest of the novel? So far I’m thinking that I’ll keep it up as practice, and once I get ‘good’ at it, I’ll reevaluate and (hopefully) start over from the beginning and make it a good comic.

But will I publish this? Will I post it for free as well? I don’t know. So far I got all of three pages done out of eight, which was all only one part of a chapter! That’s not a whole lot! And it felt like it took forever!

The upside is that I can totally see this improving my drawing skills, which is very inspiring.

Anyways, I just wanted to share with y’all how it’s going. It’s been fun to try, and I really want to keep you all in the loop. 🙂

 

 

A Comic Book? Chaotic Author Thoughts!

When someone suggested that I turn Chaos’ novel into a comic book my immediate response was ‘yeah yeah, that’s cute’. And you know what, I DO have a tendency to get myself swamped with projects, both artsy and otherwise. But after that comment, my wifey just so happened to get me a lovely set of markers to do lineart with, along with a coloring book to practice my coloring in (that’s my excuse for a unicorn coloring book and I’m sticking to it, lol).

Anyways, long story short, last night I had way too much coffee way too late. So I stayed up until 3/4 in the morning doodling away in my coloring book and, lo and be-hold, I rediscovered my passion for coloring. Namely, mixed media. I love mixing coloring pencils, watercolor, and markers all together. It doesn’t usually work out terribly, the only downfall being the wrinkling of the paper. But the colors that come out! I love them!

So yes, after a night of fantasizing about coloring and all the pretty pictures I could make, I wondered if I could actually do the comic book or not. So I tested out my skills on Bella (the bitch), and that made the picture of this post. I really like it! I mean, it’s not the best and I still need to work out the skin tones better, but the hair looks great!

So, the verdict on the coloring book? I mean, it’s obviously a TON of work. But, but, but… I want to do it. It would just be so much fun, and I feel like my drawing skills could really grow from it. It feels like the next step in growing as an artist. But will I succeed? It’s kind of scary, actually. I don’t want to fail. I don’t want to make a shitty comic either. I want to make something uber-pretty and well done!

But, you know, I’ll never know until I try it. If I succeed, y’all will certainly hear about it. If I fail, you’ll probably hear about it as well, haha.

Whelp, wish me luck!

Finally! Picture stuff!

I’m seemingly always struggling with the dilemma between traditional mediums and digital art. Well today I figured out a way to really bring my colors through when scanning them! And, of course, I had to go a little haywire digitally with it. So be-hold  my latest picture, featuring Bella, with Chaos’ notes about her. (For those of you who are visually impaired, the ‘notes’ are scribbles of ‘that bitch’, ‘evil’, and exclamation marks with big red arrows pointing to Bella).

I really like this picture! I was inspired to draw it a few days ago, and the sketch gave me the idea that Bella may try and steal Jade and Aaliyah to her side of the story. So that’s the reason for her very smug and sneaky look.

I hope you all enjoyed it! Feel free to share it if you’d like. Remember, if ever you feel inspired to draw my characters, it’d make me squeal!

Creativity and Mental Illness

Hi everyone! Recently, a fellow blogger published a wonderful piece entitled ‘psychological changes due to medication’. It can be found here → https://encodey.wordpress.com/2018/02/24/psychological-changes-due-to-medication/

This piece was very interesting for me, and is the inspiration behind today’s blog post. So please give their post a read first!

Now, onwards! Today I would like to discuss (drumroll) creativity and mental illness! Hark! A fascinating topic, really!

So, how has my mental illness influenced my artistic abilities? Well! At first my answer would be ‘derp? No it hasn’t?’ because on the surface everything appears to be the same. I still draw. I still write. But, aha, ladies and gentlefolk – is the result still the same?

Ahhhhh- nope. Not at all.

You see, before my art felt stunted. I had difficulty experiencing color and expressing myself with it. I couldn’t ‘finish’ a picture, always leaving them as raw sketches. To put this in concept, my wifey bought me coloring books to relax with and I had a hard time coloring them in because that’s how stunted I was.

Here’s the thing though. When I was ‘normal’ I used to draw mathematically. Everything was straight lines and the odd curves. I would start with the eyes, finish them, then draw the nose incrimentally. Yet when I was in an ‘episode’ I didn’t draw mathematically. I drew shapes and curves and motion – but it would have none of the details that my mathematical side would have. It was as if my brain was divided and constantly popping from one skill set to another.

Now that I am medicated and balanced on that medication (so just popping pills didn’t do it – I had to get the right cocktail going on) I have noticed a great difference in my art. I use color now. I am actually able to draw so easily that I am illustrating one of my novels with (gasp!) completely finished pictures! It’s like the two sides have merged and made me even more functional than ever before. Furthermore, I am able to do greyscale drawings in ink relatively swiftly that are adorable.

And my writing? Well my writing is actually more explosive of a change!

Before taking medication I struggled to write a thousand words a day. Writing felt like pulling teeth. I loved it, but couldn’t write a sequence. I would write a scene here from, say, the beginning of a novel, then a scene from later, and then a scene from the ending. I would just write a package of floating scenes and could barely tie them all together. It was terribly messy and disjointed. There would be plot holes, hanging threads, the whole deal.

Now? Now?! The first week I started my antipsychotics it was like a booming revelation. For a week straight I wrote 5,000 words a fucking day. I just felt that good, that inspired. And yes, it was all written in sequence.

Since being on medication, I’ve been writing sequentially. I’ve completely finished two novels and am halfway through 4 others that I’ve been working on the side. There are no more floating scenes, just completed books and so much plot work.

What’s more (oh yea, there’s more!)? I’ve started having stories come to me in dreams. It’s like my medication has allowed a sort of communication to happen, and I’m halfway through one novel based entirely off a dream and have started two others as well as received tips and conclusions to others in dreams. WHAAAAT? This is epic! It’s like now that I’m functional spirits are coming to me like ‘hey, here’s a writer, write my story for me!’ and I’m like ‘yeah sure, hand me that!’… and now I’ve literally got over a dozen novels going. I shit you not. I’m not working on them all right now, there’s just a lot on the back burner. But damn, I got so many tips and revelations for my stories from my dreams, I really really love it!

What’s else? My stories are lighter. My stories are brilliantly, genuinely, funny and light-hearted. I’ve found my tone, my voice, in a fantasy world that I came up with when I started medication. Since its conception it’s been a respite, a ‘happy place’ that I go to. It’s become a bursting series of joy and creativity.

Have I lost my touch for writing dark stuff however? Well, I’ve always had difficulty writing serious series. I can hardly make it a quarter way into a novel that’s all ‘dark and serious’ without losing interest and calling it ‘the most boring shit i’ve ever written’. I just don’t do serious. I just don’t do dark. I do complex, I do epic, I do funny and dork.

And what else what else what else? Y’all, this is the final foot-stomper! I have finally, Finally, FINALLY started working on my theology book about Wicca and Mental Illness.

Ya heard that right! I’m writing a book on mental illness! A theological analysis of mental illness through various aspects and I am just SO PROUD of myself for getting there.

Because it’s not easy to write, ya know. It’s difficult, thick, and I have to think theologically and in a straight line to be able to do it. But I’m proud to say that it’s getting there. It might be short, but it Is HAPPENING!

So that’s that y’all! My medication has really affected me a ton! By helping get me on my feet, it has helped me grow as an artist and writer and I am so so proud of the progress that I have made! 🙂 I know it’s maybe an unusual story and that I am very lucky to have found medication that works so well for me. Not everyone is as lucky as I am and not everyone has found the right medication yet. But for me, this is my story.

Have you felt any changes in your art since starting medication? Has your mental illness crippled your art in any way? Do share!