I had a dream last night. I dreamt that I was coming to the conclusion that it was wrong of me to have pulled this blog from the web, and that I would resume my blogging.
The truth is, I’ve been feeling guilty lately about pulling my blog from the web. Maybe it’s inflated of me, but I like to think that my blog posts help people, even in a small way, to understand and cope with their mental illness. So, pulling this blog from the internet felt mean to me. Like I was taking away what someone might need in their moment of darkness.
But the fact is also that I feel vulnerable. I’m no longer sure of my spiritual foundations. Mental illness, psychosis, and the weird nuances of it all are getting to me. How do I define my beliefs? I do not know anymore. I’m really not sure, and frankly, am not sure I will ever be sure.
The thing is, when you get feelings and calling that contradict your beliefs, life gets weird. It gets weirder when you’re not sure what’s psychosis and what’s medication and what’s genuine – and how does it all tie in?
Anyways, this post is just to say that I’m going to be trying to bring this blog back to life, but hopefully not too personal of a way so that I feel like taking it down again.
Hey lovelies! I am so happy to finally announce that, after much effort and outreach, TwoLoveBirds is officially in two shops local to me! One is a book store called ‘les Appalaches’, located in Sherbrooke, Quebec, and the other is a cute little gift shop located in Lennoxville, Quebec called ‘les 3 fees’ (literally, the three fairies). Both are very charming and cute places, and if ever you are in the are you must visit them! Also, if you’re wanting to buy one of my books, you can order it from them!
I wish I could continue this post by saying that I am celebrating, feasting, and being quite jolly about this new step forward. But the fact is, I’m terrified. I’m upset and miserable.
The moment I knew that my books were accepted, I plunged into a depression. Self-destructive anxiety came over me, and I just worried about how I don’t have enough advertisements, how my books may very well not sell, and so on and so forth.
The truth is I want this project to keep growing. I don’t want to be set back and told that, in fact, my books won’t sell on a local level. I don’t want to be told that they are too niche and too unrelatable and so on and so forth. I’m afraid, and so I quiver and melt down.
I have been supported lately by lovely people, and I am safe and not in harm’s way, so please do not worry. I will persevere, and I will progress. Hopefully the twolovebirds will, too!
Happy women’s day, lovelies. This is a day to celebrate the struggles and victories of women all over. Whether they are recognized as women, or in the closet with their identity hidden – they deserve a round of applause.
I write about plenty of women and female-identifying characters. It’s long been a passion of mine, ever since I was a child in fact, to see better women identifying characters. Even as an itty-bitty child, I noticed that women were treated differently, often poorly, and that many of their characters were secondary and poorly written.
To this, I would like to offer a story that comes to mind.
Once upon a time, there was a herd of geese in my childhood backyard. Now, if you know anything about geese, you’ll know they’re watchdogs and they can be downright vicious. And these were untrained, relatively wild, geese. They were ‘domestic’, but they bit to give an opinion of themselves.
Well, one day, as this flock grew up, a certain goose distinguished himself. He chased us children (and bit!), herded the flock, and heckled the other geese. We named him Cesar, being little history nerds.
Come one day, the other geese were losing their feathers to Cesar, who was pecking them. So, Cesar was removed from the flock and put in an isolated cage.
It was in this cage that Cesar laid his first egg. Cesar was a female!
To an impressionable little child, this was quite the lesson. Females, women, could be quite badass and territorial. It was a lesson that, truth be told, repeated itself quite often. Often it was the females in the flocks that would stand out, become prized pets, and try and bully all the others.
To me, nature showed me that women, females, could be very much everything males could be, simply because they both had souls and personalities. Women weren’t ‘less than’ or ‘half witted’ or somehow inferior. They were just as present, motivated, and clever as the males. It isn’t nature that makes women ‘inferior’ or ‘second class’, but society.
I could go on a huge rant about how gender norms affect women and how they really just need to go. But for today, I want to keep the focus on women. Let’s celebrate them, their achievements, and see how far as a society we need to go to achieve equity.
I’ve attached a picture here that I’ve recently done. It contains Rita, a martial artist, in a Farfadelian novel I’m working on, and a swan that follows her throughout the story. A swan is not exactly a goose, but they’re quite as badass and vicious, I’ve heard.
I chose this picture because, to me, it shows how women can be completely badass and lead their way, inspired by the power of the women in the natural world.
Yesterday was the full moon, lovelies, and I had a great time. I was feeling well enough to make two types of fudge for the fairies (one gluten and dairy free, and the other with evaporated milk in it!). I did some personal workings with my close friends, and we sat back and talked while the magic did its thing.
But what is an Esbat? For me, it’s very much like a sabbat, except it’s about the moon.
I know, I know, it’s technically not ‘right’. Sabbats are traditionally celebrations, time to ‘turn the wheel’, while Esbats are times for personal workings. But for me, the two intertwine.
You see, I’m not much of a moon person. Sacrilege, I know. Most witches are massive moon people. But I am a sun and daylight person. As such, I find myself wanting to do workings in line with the sun, during Sabbats. For me, I find that these seasonal turnings are a great way to keep my life moving forward.
And yet, the end of this full moon feels like it’s marking the beginning of spring. Here, it is warm now. The sun is shining fully, the snow is melting. After all, the full moon is usually the coldest part of the lunar cycle. So now, with the full moon ended and spring approaching, it is lovely out. I am gearing up, starting my plans, for spring and the garden. I will be setting up my sprouts soon, but not yet!
So in this sense, it feels like the Esbat has taken on the role of the Sabbat, heralding the closeness of spring.
And you? How do you define a Sabbat versus an Esbat? How do you celebrate both, and how do you view them in your traditions?
I don’t have any particular wisdom for you beyond that, but I do wish you all a lovely seasonal beginning. I hope you enjoyed your full moon, did plenty of lovely workings, and are ready for the season to come!
Yes! It has arrived! Well, not to me, physically, but virtually! The Farfadel Fairy themed coloring book is now ready to be bought and colored, and bring all the love and cheer of Farfadel fairies into your home!
I have to say, I am so proud of this coloring book! It has 50 coloring pages (50!), which was a whole lot for me to draw and put together. At the very squeaky end, I thought I wasn’t going to be able to do it. I was running out of ideas (always my problem with coloring books) and thought I’d have to lower the page count. But then! Magically! I found exactly enough old sketches to finish the last few coloring spots. And lo! Be-Hold! the coloring book was finished.
So where can you get this lovely coloring book? HERE! It is only available in the physical copy, and I’ve tried to make it as cheap as possible so that y’all can enjoy it as much as can be.
As always, please review and DO let me know what you like or don’t like about it. I LOVE feedback, especially if it’s constructive!
Finally, if you are as excited as I am about this release, contact me! I am always looking for people to do blog tours of my stuff, as well as give me ideas of shops to contact to try and get my stuff into them.
As I have written elsewhere, I think on Facebook, a very difficult situation is drawing to a close for me. As it comes to a happy end, paperwork and all, I have felt a ridiculously huge amount of stress lift off my shoulders. I felt a sudden ten percent jump (approximately) in functioning! So so much stress was suddenly gone, and now I feel a new shift in myself. I feel like I came to a turning point, was suddenly placed back in the driver’s wheel of my life, and some decisions were made. Namely, I’m going to be delving back into my spiritual practice and trying to recenter. I want to return to my roots as a pagan and Buddhist, and to feel myself grow.
So! I got myself a new sketchbook to make into a BOS, I made some concrete weight loss and spiritual practice goals (including taking a buddhist meditation class from a local Tibetan nun!) And I am trying to be gentler and more mindful of myself in my day to day experience. Oh, and yoga. I have been doing yoga twice a day now for a week, following short “yoga with Adrienne ” videos. I have to say I’m really enjoying her videos, and feel very pleased with myself for doing them!
And yet I find myself looking to my fresh new book of shadows and wondering… what shall I put in there? What would you counsel, friends and new readers? I am thinking of revisiting the elder futhark, but beyond that and buddhist meditations, I feel a little lost as to what to do with my shiny new notebook. Any advice or words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated!
As always, I wish you all the best! Have you recently had any spiritual turn around? Let me know what you did, or what you’d advise to do!
When I first started writing Farfadel novels, I did not have access to a fireplace. Fire was a fun thing to dabble with via candles on occasion.
But now? Its been two years of living with a wood burning stove, and this winter I’m actively trying to keep it alive and burning to heat our tiny home. And, well, I’ve noticed a large change in how I approach fire.
Maybe its my overactive imagination, but I’ve started enacting rules from my Farfadel novels around my own fire! For example, I do not speak to the fire, unless I am certain what I say cannot be taken out of context to cause damage or silliness. I am cautious, really, not to speak disrespectful things around the fire. You wouldn’t want the Fire Lady to appear, in spirit of course, but I wouldn’t want to piss off the element of fire!
It sounds silly, right? But I’ve really come to see the fire as a living entity within my home. I cajole it quietly some days, trying to get it to burn higher. It burns my hands when I try and feed it without my thick gloves on. I wake up grudgingly to feed it at nighttime, and relay the care thereof with my wife.
Now, I can’t say this has affected my writing that much. But it has brought my writing about fire to be more… alive? For me, at least. It has brought what I thought of as a silly, fun thing, into a real life application!
I dont have great shards of wisdom to share about this. On one hand, I do feel like this brings my novels eerily into a realm of reality im not sure I want them to be. In another, it reminds me cozily of the truth and reality that permeates all things. So… I have no great conclusion. But I wish you well, wherever you are, and hope you are warm and safe 😊 ❤
It’s not a mystery, but I haven’t talked about it enough! I am making a colouring book based off the Farfadel series, mainly about fairies, fantasy, and happy cute things!
Set in the gorgeous lands of Farfadel, surrounded by flowers and happiness, this colouring book is shaping up to be exactly what I had planned it to be – cute and flowery.
I have to say, I am super proud of how it’s coming along so far. The images are up to snuff (in my humble opinion) for a colouring book. They’re cute and adorable, and that’s what I wanted for this book.
When will this book be coming out? Really soon! I personally want to kick it off on the start of spring, so in March, hopefully! It should be feasible, as I have only *drumroll* nine images left to draw up and format! Yes, Nine! That’s not a huge amount, and personal happenings aside, I should be able to make that in the coming month!
But there is one thing I haven’t prepared… and that is the promotion of my adorable coloring book. How do I get this baby out there into the world? Anyone up for a book blog tour? Do those even work? Should I inundate Instagram with clips of my pictures? Facebook? Someone give me some advice, haha, I’m terrible at this part of the process!
Giovanni’s Room is an amazing bookshop with a whole wealthy smack-gob of history behind it, as well as being a thrift shop (we all know thrift shops are the best!). These amazing folks have agreed to sell Farfadel’s magical story with you all, and I couldn’t (really!) be more excited!
So what does this mean? Well! If you live in the states, you can order from them at this link for a Tale of Two Queens and this one for A Tale of Adelaide and Shadow! If you already have a copy of my books, and want to support them directly, this is their donation link.
But what else?! I am just SO excited, y’all, I’m thinking of doing some sort of a giveaway! I’m thinking some free coloring pages, some artwork, SOMETHING to celebrate and raise the volume on this awesome shop! So if you have an idea of what you’d like to see done, let me know! And if you know of a local indie shop that you think needs some Farfadel in it, message them, and let me know about it!
And finally, thank you all SO MUCH for your support over the years. It means the world to me!
As I work on the upcoming Farfadelian coloring book, there is so much thought that is happening behind the scenes. Every picture makes me think of this elements’ role in Farfadel, how those elements are at play in the world, and what I am trying to represent of it.
Often, I find myself thinking of the magic, of the cuteness, and the gentleness I am trying to portray. But there are other serious things at play, especially when drawing out the fairies, namely the skin color and gender of fairies.
Skin color is a topic that is very sensitive for me. I feel that, as a white person, I have to be particularly conscious of my usage of it. But also, as someone with dear relatives who are black, I want them to be able to see themselves in my stories, if they were ever to read them. I am also always a bit worried on this topic, as I feel that no matter how much I try, I will never know enough. Which, I think, is a fact. Some things we just can’t grasp properly because they are outside of our field of experience.
So, in short, I’ve decided to make the fairies of Farfadel with a variety of skin colors and hair types. Obviously, as this is a coloring book and my style of drawing isn’t hyper-realistic or even that realistic, the skin color is mercifully largely out of my hands. Eye shape is … well … eye shaped? I like to think that they are enough basically ‘eye’ shaped that everyone will be able to resonate with them. And the hair… I’m trying to include tight curls as well as smooth hair types. And really, I think that’s about all I can do to be inclusive in this way.
Now, as for the gender of the fairies… I feel a little baffled. Fairies always struck me as very feminine, female- presenting even. I even began to wonder if the fairies of Farfadel were all women, point blank. Now, while drawing out the coloring book, I have come across some more masculine-shaped fairies, but they all share the same playful and rather feminine vibes. This has led to me drawing what I think are some transgender fairies! How exciting!
Which, then, leads me to another character who has been featured closely in the Farfadel books who is, actually, trans. And I don’t mean Shadow! Another character in the series is trans, and they will soon be the subject of an epic romance that I will be writing – as soon as I finish the trilogy I am working on!
So, yes, not this upcoming trilogy, but the next one, will have another transgender romance! EEEE! I’m so excited for it!
And that, lovely peoples, are my thoughts of today. I hope you all are well! Take care ❤