Exposed. If there is one thing that I feel while discussing mental illness on the web, it’s exposed. Not that the reception has not been kind, generous, and understanding. But it feels so strange to be discussing both spirituality and mental illness, together, without starting an argument. Without receiving backlash, patronizing comments, or sheer ignorance. Whenever I’ve discussed these topics before, I felt as if I was being punished for doing so.
Now, however, I’ve found a gentler platform. A safe place (if such a thing exists on the web) wherein I can discuss topics that for so long have been taboo and ‘wrong’ to discuss. Yet even with all this kindness around me, I still feel exposed.
I still feel raw and open to everyone as I discuss my thoughts, my private theories, and my intimately strange experiences between me and my condition. I keep expecting to receive hate and scorn at any moment. Because of this, I scour my posts over and over to make sure my arguments are as waterproof as can be. I reread and reread them to make sure they’ve got a disclaimer on them.
I wish writing about such things was not as stressful as it is. I wish I didn’t feel like I’m writing in a minefield waiting to erupt. Unfortunately, that’s not the case. I feel as if one word, light like a feather, will land in the wrong place and start a war.